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Ok, what if you meet this person, he says he likes sex, he does look at porn AND he likes to still have sex in cars? He also asked me if like to watch porn.....I don't.

Does this mean he's a SA or
are there 40+ people out there that still have sex in cars?

Can you let me know? What your experience is? I am a little suspicious of this person.

Don't see him again. I mean it. He's used to hooker sex.

I am a 50+ person who likes to have sex in a car every now and then. As long as its not one of those smart cars

I am not a sex addict or a perv. I just think sex is fun and that it's fun to have sex in crazy locations.

Did he tell you this on the first date? If you've been going out a while, this is a good talk to have. If you hardly know him, then I'd say Next!

If this was a FIRST date.....RUN! That is all.

I like sex.
I like to look at porn.
And I'm down for some car sex from time to time.

I am definitely not a sex addict. I probably wouldn't share that information on a first date, but I don't think there is anything wrong with me for liking those things.

I'm in my 30s, by the way.

NG, you know exactly why I am suspicious. Its hard to tell what "normal" is these days and that is why I am asking.

No, he did not being these up on the first date, it was the third date.

I like sex also, but not porn. I also would be fine with car sex every now and then.

Yes, I know why you're suspicious. I also know why you could easily be hurt in a situation that might not hurt someone else. ((((HUGS))) If I was asking your question, what would you tell me?

Ummm....I'd believe him. Then I'd tell him that you don't see a match. Sex in a car (occasionally) wouldn't bother me, the porn would concern me a whole lot more. If you are suspicious, there is a reason. Trust your gut.

If you are suspicious, there is a reason. Trust your gut

This!

Torn,

You just described my FWW's OM.
Run don't walk, fucking run from this guy. He hasn't matured past 17.

Oh my gosh, you guys are great! He is divorced at no kids at 48.

Dado, I think that recently I have met 5 men in their late 40's with no kids and some divorced and the other never married, and each one of them into sex in cars and they asked if I like to watch porn. A generational thing?

I am just baffled.

What's the common denominator with those five men? It's you, right?

It's not generational but it is a big red flag. Full disclosure, FWW's sexual. Encounters with OM were in a car so I puke in my mouth at the thought. Where are you meeting these guys.?You need to aim higher.

I have met them in various places, at a party, on Match, on meetup.com, at a fundraiser.

They all have good careers, own their homes, etc. I find these things out once we start talking for days or have been on a few dates. Weird.

Based on my experience with WXH, those are massive red flags and I'd run the other way. Maybe he's a SA, maybe not, but I wouldn't take the chance.

It's not you. It's a think with men that age, especially the divorced ones.

I'm not saying all divorced men over 40 like porn and sex in cars. What I AM saying is that after a certain age, men get a whole lot less interested in making concessions to be in a relationship. Especially if they were married before. I guarantee you that all 5 of those men you met were in marriages or LTRs where they felt they did not get enough sex. So now they are leading with the sex card because they want to weed out the "prudes".

It's a ham handed approach, a best. But it's become scarily common these days- even without OLD.

I would not make it a deal breaker. It is one more data point to consider when you are assessing any potential relationship. It would not be surprising for a person (either gender) to want to re-live some exciting experiences of their youth.

I have not had sex in a car for 30 years and I have no such interest. I have however, suggested some other "kinky" activities to women after a reasonable number of dates which were well received. Post 45 years old, I have developed an appreciation for sex toys, vibrators, nipple clamps, restraints, etc. Some of that was "learned" from porn. My suggestion that we put a very private outdoor shower at a beach house to good use went over quite well. I am no more kinky now than I was earlier in my life, but I am definitely more comfortable with sharing such thoughts and less concerned about being judged harshly for having them.

Third date? Weird. Don't think it's normal. Next them.

I like sex. A lot. Sex in cars...no big deal. Although I can honestly say I have never done it. Even as a teenager. Public bathrooms, the beach, hiking, balconies, etc. can be fun. Again, no big deal.

But...porn I find ridiculous. IMHO it sets unrealistic expectations for both parties. Most is so male driven. I don't look like a porn star, neither does my partner. I am not going to climax in 3 minutes and his penis is not 10 inches.

If he uses porn on a regular (honestly, even semi-regular/ever) basis I would have a HUGE problem with it. I am a live, sexual, breathing woman willing to do and initiate a lot of things and you would rather watch ACTORS...acting.

I would not immediately label him as a SA. I agree with the other comments that as we age, hopefully we become more comfortable with ourselves and are more upfront about what we like. Maybe he has experienced other dates that he waited to long to express these things, got involved emotionally...and then they were deal breakers for a woman.

You don't like porn. Period, end of story. Don't compromise yourself.

[This message edited by AnnieOakley at 1:43 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]

Its not just guys. I don't think watching porn or sex in cars makes you a deviant.

But if any of these are dealbreakers or give you a negative feeling then that is absolutely AOK.

FWIW, the sad clown resolutely refused to have sex in cars with me. He did watch porn every now and then. He was the least sexual man I've ever met so the watching seemed perfunctory rather than arousing.

I was more alarmed by WHAT he was watching than the fact that he was watching IYKWIM?