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what if he says he likes sex? (tmi)

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 torn2bits (original poster member #28376) posted at 1:56 AM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

Ok, what if you meet this person, he says he likes sex, he does look at porn AND he likes to still have sex in cars? He also asked me if like to watch porn.....I don't.

Does this mean he's a SA or

are there 40+ people out there that still have sex in cars?

Can you let me know? What your experience is? I am a little suspicious of this person.

Me: 45/WH (SA): 49
M: 26 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce halted

posts: 1282   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6521411
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 2:07 AM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

Don't see him again. I mean it. He's used to hooker sex.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6521422
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StrongerOne ( member #36915) posted at 2:15 AM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

I am a 50+ person who likes to have sex in a car every now and then. As long as its not one of those smart cars

I am not a sex addict or a perv. I just think sex is fun and that it's fun to have sex in crazy locations.

Did he tell you this on the first date? If you've been going out a while, this is a good talk to have. If you hardly know him, then I'd say Next!

DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

posts: 1020   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2012
id 6521426
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She11ybeanz ( member #27457) posted at 2:27 AM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

If this was a FIRST date.....RUN! That is all.

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

posts: 2767   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2010   ·   location: Virginia
id 6521435
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Whalers11 ( member #27544) posted at 3:08 AM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

I like sex.

I like to look at porn.

And I'm down for some car sex from time to time.

I am definitely not a sex addict. I probably wouldn't share that information on a first date, but I don't think there is anything wrong with me for liking those things.

I'm in my 30s, by the way.

posts: 3358   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2010
id 6521469
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 torn2bits (original poster member #28376) posted at 3:47 AM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

NG, you know exactly why I am suspicious. Its hard to tell what "normal" is these days and that is why I am asking.

No, he did not being these up on the first date, it was the third date.

I like sex also, but not porn. I also would be fine with car sex every now and then.

Me: 45/WH (SA): 49
M: 26 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce halted

posts: 1282   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6521509
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 3:53 AM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

Yes, I know why you're suspicious. I also know why you could easily be hurt in a situation that might not hurt someone else. ((((HUGS))) If I was asking your question, what would you tell me?

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6521513
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cmego ( member #30346) posted at 4:00 AM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

Ummm....I'd believe him. Then I'd tell him that you don't see a match. Sex in a car (occasionally) wouldn't bother me, the porn would concern me a whole lot more. If you are suspicious, there is a reason. Trust your gut.

me...BS, 46 years old.
Divorced

posts: 4745   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2010   ·   location: South
id 6521519
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 4:11 AM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

If you are suspicious, there is a reason. Trust your gut

This!

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6521528
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dadof4 ( member #25534) posted at 4:24 AM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

Torn,

You just described my FWW's OM.

Run don't walk, fucking run from this guy. He hasn't matured past 17.

Me 52(BH)
Her 46 (FWW)
Kids-25,23,18,16
Married 25 years.
D-Day Sept 12 2009
LTA=4 years

Reconciling.

posts: 308   ·   registered: Sep. 15th, 2009   ·   location: New Hampshire
id 6521544
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 torn2bits (original poster member #28376) posted at 4:34 AM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

Oh my gosh, you guys are great! He is divorced at no kids at 48.

Dado, I think that recently I have met 5 men in their late 40's with no kids and some divorced and the other never married, and each one of them into sex in cars and they asked if I like to watch porn. A generational thing?

I am just baffled.

Me: 45/WH (SA): 49
M: 26 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce halted

posts: 1282   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6521559
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 4:41 AM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

What's the common denominator with those five men? It's you, right?

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6521566
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dadof4 ( member #25534) posted at 4:57 AM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

It's not generational but it is a big red flag. Full disclosure, FWW's sexual. Encounters with OM were in a car so I puke in my mouth at the thought. Where are you meeting these guys.?You need to aim higher.

Me 52(BH)
Her 46 (FWW)
Kids-25,23,18,16
Married 25 years.
D-Day Sept 12 2009
LTA=4 years

Reconciling.

posts: 308   ·   registered: Sep. 15th, 2009   ·   location: New Hampshire
id 6521578
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 torn2bits (original poster member #28376) posted at 3:22 PM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

I have met them in various places, at a party, on Match, on meetup.com, at a fundraiser.

They all have good careers, own their homes, etc. I find these things out once we start talking for days or have been on a few dates. Weird.

Me: 45/WH (SA): 49
M: 26 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce halted

posts: 1282   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6521820
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Griefstricken25 ( member #29183) posted at 3:31 PM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

Based on my experience with WXH, those are massive red flags and I'd run the other way. Maybe he's a SA, maybe not, but I wouldn't take the chance.

Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

posts: 2596   ·   registered: Jul. 30th, 2010   ·   location: A better place
id 6521829
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damncutekitty ( member #5929) posted at 3:39 PM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

It's not you. It's a think with men that age, especially the divorced ones.

I'm not saying all divorced men over 40 like porn and sex in cars. What I AM saying is that after a certain age, men get a whole lot less interested in making concessions to be in a relationship. Especially if they were married before. I guarantee you that all 5 of those men you met were in marriages or LTRs where they felt they did not get enough sex. So now they are leading with the sex card because they want to weed out the "prudes".

It's a ham handed approach, a best. But it's become scarily common these days- even without OLD.

12/18/15 found out my now EX boyfriend was trolling CL for underage girls. From the cops. The fun never stops.

posts: 49560   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2004   ·   location: Minneapolis
id 6521838
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LeopoldB ( member #40606) posted at 5:52 PM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

I would not make it a deal breaker. It is one more data point to consider when you are assessing any potential relationship. It would not be surprising for a person (either gender) to want to re-live some exciting experiences of their youth.

I have not had sex in a car for 30 years and I have no such interest. I have however, suggested some other "kinky" activities to women after a reasonable number of dates which were well received. Post 45 years old, I have developed an appreciation for sex toys, vibrators, nipple clamps, restraints, etc. Some of that was "learned" from porn. My suggestion that we put a very private outdoor shower at a beach house to good use went over quite well. I am no more kinky now than I was earlier in my life, but I am definitely more comfortable with sharing such thoughts and less concerned about being judged harshly for having them.

posts: 212   ·   registered: Sep. 9th, 2013
id 6521950
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clralb ( member #17185) posted at 7:22 PM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

Third date? Weird. Don't think it's normal. Next them.

"To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."
Buddha

posts: 682   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2007   ·   location: southeast
id 6522018
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AnnieOakley ( member #13332) posted at 7:41 PM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

I like sex. A lot. Sex in cars...no big deal. Although I can honestly say I have never done it. Even as a teenager. Public bathrooms, the beach, hiking, balconies, etc. can be fun. Again, no big deal.

But...porn I find ridiculous. IMHO it sets unrealistic expectations for both parties. Most is so male driven. I don't look like a porn star, neither does my partner. I am not going to climax in 3 minutes and his penis is not 10 inches.

If he uses porn on a regular (honestly, even semi-regular/ever) basis I would have a HUGE problem with it. I am a live, sexual, breathing woman willing to do and initiate a lot of things and you would rather watch ACTORS...acting.

I would not immediately label him as a SA. I agree with the other comments that as we age, hopefully we become more comfortable with ourselves and are more upfront about what we like. Maybe he has experienced other dates that he waited to long to express these things, got involved emotionally...and then they were deal breakers for a woman.

You don't like porn. Period, end of story. Don't compromise yourself.

[This message edited by AnnieOakley at 1:43 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]

Me= BSHim=xWH (did the work & became the man I always thought he was, but it was too late)M=23+,T=27+dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced."If you are going through hell, keep going."

posts: 1772   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2007   ·   location: Pacific Time Zone
id 6522038
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SBB ( member #35229) posted at 9:18 PM on Sunday, October 13th, 2013

Its not just guys. I don't think watching porn or sex in cars makes you a deviant.

But if any of these are dealbreakers or give you a negative feeling then that is absolutely AOK.

FWIW, the sad clown resolutely refused to have sex in cars with me. He did watch porn every now and then. He was the least sexual man I've ever met so the watching seemed perfunctory rather than arousing.

I was more alarmed by WHAT he was watching than the fact that he was watching IYKWIM?

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

posts: 6062   ·   registered: Apr. 4th, 2012   ·   location: Australia
id 6522135
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