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No Marriage. No Children. He Says.

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LineInTheSand posted 10/12/2013 21:38 PM

So, I'm a former SAHM returning to college after many years. I'm looking to complete my education and join the work force.

Well, apparently I caught the eye of another student. He's made a point of striking up a conversation with me when our paths cross (and asked for my number...didn't give it to him)

So, during one of our conversations he tells me he has never married or will ever and doesn't want children. Oh joy!! Has he made my response easy! If the brother is looking for a hook up, it ain't happening!!

I happen to be one of those old-fashion chicks who prefers to be married and all that jazz.

But honestly, he made my job so much easier. He told me straight up what he's looking for in a "relationship".

Boy, I wish all people would make it this easy! Rather than stringing us along making us think there's a chance of commitment or long term relationship.

Too bad...but I ain't buying what he's selling.

NEXT!

macakipa posted 10/13/2013 08:37 AM

Oh Jeez!

While I think it was at least admirable of him to be forthright, I agree that it is actually even better that he made it that much easier for you

TrustedHer posted 10/13/2013 09:03 AM

he tells me he has never married or will ever and doesn't want children.

A simple statement of his desires. Are you judging that a man who doesn't want children and doesn't want the state involved in his personal relationship is somehow less worthy, honest, or credible because he knows this?

looking for a hook up

Not implied by the above statement. Possibly true, but not necessarily true.

Rather than stringing us along making us think there's a chance of commitment or long term relationship.

Not implied by the first statement. I am in a committed relationship. Does almost 4 years and no end in sight count as long term?

I happen to be one of those old-fashion chicks who prefers to be married and all that jazz.

A simple statement of your desires. Which does not match his desires.

Look, the idealized marriage-means-commitment-forever-and-happily-ever-after fable didn't work for most of us. Don't confuse marriage with commitment. Furthermore, as a guy who's gone through the divorce from Hell, I have to say I'm pretty gun-shy about the whole marriage thing.

It's possible your friend is intelligent and observant and has seen enough cases like mine to draw his own conclusions.

I don't have any issues with you "nexting" him; he's obviously not what you're looking for. I just think you are being overly broad by painting him as some kind of loser or player because he doesn't want to marry.

Eranda posted 10/13/2013 11:00 AM

I don't ever want to be married again. It would be a waste of time for me to date someone who needs to be married in order to be happy.

That doesn't mean that- with the right person- that I am unable to have a long term committed relationship. I just don't want it to involve anything legal. I've wasted enough money on lawyers in my lifetime, and I'm capable of dividing by two.

Don't judge people who don't want marriage as somehow shallow or worthless.

gardenparty posted 10/13/2013 14:47 PM

While still single after my divorce I was very upfront about not getting remarried or having more children. I am now in a very committed relationship and have been living with my SO for over 2 years. I love him and can see myself being with him for the rest of my life but I still can't picture a marriage.

She11ybeanz posted 10/13/2013 19:40 PM

I can't be with someone that doesn't want children because I have a child.... and if they don't want children, they probably, most certainly, don't want someone else's children.... and I have to have someone who accepts my daughter and I as a package deal and can love her as much as me. That would be my dealbreaker.... as far as the marriage thing... I'm a little gun shy on getting re-married...so not marrying wouldn't bother me so much... but I do want an exclusive committed relationship again someday.

LineInTheSand posted 10/14/2013 10:52 AM

Thanks for your responses. My post was meant to be lighthearted. See the laughing "smileys" ??>>>

I don't have any issues with you "nexting" him; he's obviously not what you're looking for. I just think you are being overly broad by painting him as some kind of loser or player because he doesn't want to marry.

@TrustedHer,

Thanks for your input but I never stated he was a loser. But a player, yes indeedy! He's mentioned the clubs he frequents and has invited me. I told him many people only go to clubs to hook up. He replied they go for "two" reasons - alcohol and sex...and while smiling, quickly told me he doesn't drink. Not too subtle huh?

During another conversation while just getting to know him, another woman walked by and said that he was a "muy gaupo Americano" Of course, I know very little espanol, BUT I ain't deaf or blind! It was obvious he "knew" her because he proceeded to tell her about some dance that weekend. When he attempted to translate in English what was said, I, very ladylike, smiled and did the honorable thing and walked away!

I, too, was hurt. Heck, I was married for 21 years when D-day torn my life apart. And heck if I'm going to let some player (that's what he is) waltz in my life and screw me over.

Like I said, he made my job easier. I wish more people were more upfront regarding their intentions.

And because of my faith/beliefs, I still consider marriage to be a commitment. Yes, I need that piece of paper. That's just me. And this is coming from someone who was just until a year ago saying marriage was a joke.


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