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Newest Member: Port (45718)

User Topic: Just glad I'm not a "sister wife"
topperoff22
♀ 40762
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just watching that show Sister Wives...like someone watches the aftermath of a car wreck (can't look away because of the horror, even though you want to). It got me thinking -- I could never handle being a "sister wife". I have too many jealousy issues and too many insecurities. Not too mention I am not about to share my husband with anyone..which is why I'm shattered by all of this. I get that they choose to share their man but one of them said "I don't feel special anymore." I wanted to say "How could you? There are four other women and 20-30 kids vying for his time." I haven't got a clue how that man hasn't had a stroke or a heart attack by now.

Not only that, but he doesn't have to worry about an affair..if he gets bored he just convinces those women to let him bring in another woman into his harem or he gets into bed with one of the other wives.


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
SeeThingsNow1
♀ 38241
Member # 38241
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

have watched that show as well - the car wreck thing, dont want to look but cant help it - and I always wonder what that husband would do, if there were another husband brought in, cause as the one guy says - 'Love doesnt divide, it multiplies" wonder if it would multiply if there were a couple of extra husbands that had to be "juggled" Still cannot get where in the bible they find that it is spiritually okay...just glad I wasnt raised that way!

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2013
StillGoing
♂ 28571
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't really think it's a fair comparison. While it's definitely not my kind of lifestyle it's not a relationship built on deception.

I think even polygamists have to worry about affairs, because dishonesty is like death. It doesn't discriminate.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7565 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Bikingguy
♂ 38103
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW watches that show and I cannot stand it. That those women have suck low self asteem of themselves to think they have to share a man. I finally asked WW is she realizes how wrong that is and she says yes. But I wonder, as I did not realize I was sharing my W


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 676 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Gr8Lady
♀ 36307
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 12:53 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am flexible in my views that if that is their choice of lifestyle. It is what it is.

However, for me personally, Hell NO
I'm not a jealous woman typically, but I know from the way I felt when WH was catering to AP it was unbearable.

Don't want to share my man. So Not just No but HELL NO. End of story.


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 626 | Registered: Jul 2012
Flatlined123
♀ 35862
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 2:23 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think to each his/her own. Personally, I could never do it.

The huge difference is that they are making a CHOICE to live this way, we did not.

I've watched the show. They all admit to feeling jealous. I do think the relationships seem more about the women than the man. They get to have the "benefits" of a marriage, without having the mate around all the time. They've admitted that they like their alone time, but I think they like the friendship and support of the other women.

The same one that said she didn't feel special anymore also said she wanted the family, not just then man.

It's so beyond how I could conceive living.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 692 | Registered: Jun 2012
hemademesingle
♀ 21281
Member # 21281
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I personally am not into it, however I have watched the show

They are all adults and were adults when they made the decision to live that lifestyle, they don't appear to be the "cult" type that are forcing young girls to marry old men

I think that them all living in separate houses makes it seem more like he has girlfriends, who get together to socialize,


Posts: 393 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Canada
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, I would really like to see the "Brother Husband's" show. Why isn't there this situation going on?


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
damncutekitty
♀ 5929
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a cultural thing for them. Women in that culture are raised to think that's a normal, happy, desirable way of life.

It really bugs me that those wives get progressively younger tho.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
StillGoing
♂ 28571
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What really bothers me is that there is simply no legitimate way to support the quality of life presented without raking in money from reality TV or something.

I mean with both my wife and I working full time we do okay. It is just not possible to support multiple wives in their own homes on a normal salary. So I think that's another aspect of that whole thing in that it's presented dishonestly for the sake of generating drama and revenue. I have no idea how that stuff works in the real world.

As for brother husbands, there's never been an historical cultural equivalent so there's no existing social attitude to exploit. It's not a social view I agree with but it's kind of like why you only see certain religious shows predominantly in certain regions of the world. Not to venture into religion, just using that as an example of cultural demographic.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7565 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, SG. Now, why do you feel it wasn't culturally done that women had several husbands? There have been societies that are/were matriarchal, but I don't think they lived with multiple men at one time. However, I have never deeply researched it either.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
StillGoing
♂ 28571
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dunno that I could get into it without breaking rules somewhere since it has to delve into politics and religion at some point. Generally though, I think it has at its core to do with the idea that women were considered property or incapable for a long period of history, globally across a majority of cultures.

As for matriarchal societies... yes and no. AFAIK there are no known matriarchal societies in the way we use patriarchal - women with a Right To Rule with men as a sub-class of citizens or even property. While there are examples of a female equivalent of Primogeniture they were mainly a form of matrilineal inheritance on order to retain house primacy (and one of the menz showed me how to play CK2 so I have been spending more time than usual nosing around in irrelevant history) - there are even some examples of inheritance laws that favor the firstborn whether it was male or female but they were, iirc, very rare against the general trend.

I believe societies that are referred to as matriarchal are better defined as simply tolerant and accepting that people are people, like our own (in its ideal sense at least). A female President would not make us a matriarchy any more than our current President makes us a Patriarchy; similarly, the Queen does not rule as a Matriarchal liege but a constitutional monarch.

So basically it's because historically, we've seen women as a certain kind of entity. As for why societies have done that is, like I said, probably something that is in violation of the rules to speculate on.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7565 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was thinking it was something more simple like "testosterone". But, IDK, and you are right this can veer off into some kind of discussion not allowed within guidelines.

eta: I only meant "testosterone" in the very best sense of the word, nothing derogatory. I really like men and their testosterone.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:41 AM, October 13th (Sunday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
StillGoing
♂ 28571
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's okay, I am secure in my testosterone levels. Though they are reduced due to the traits In Love and Fatherhood.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7565 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBXH and I discussed this before D-Day.

The problem I see with plural marriage is that you never get to experience the true "two becoming one" nature of marriage. The benefit of Marriage is that there is someone who always has your back, that you can count on no matter what. A partner through thick and thin.

So of course, its devastating when you find out that they stabbed you in the back with OW.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1953 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
headdesk
♀ 40787
Member # 40787
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OW asked WH if I'd be up for having a sister wife. I'm now a bit triggered by the word.

See, I'm cool with alternative things for people who are willing and equal partners in relationships. I think it is a struggle for them and they have to be really honest and forthright in order to survive it, but if it works for them, by all means, as long as it doesn't hurt people.

The issue I have with sister wives is that most situations where you'd have them they place the man at a higher level than the woman. Often the women have no input about who he's going to bring in next. That to me isn't palatable and is very like cheating on a huge scale.


Me: 39
WH: 42
DDay:Sep 19 2013 (only TT of EA)
Oct 4th 2013 revealed PA through snooping.
Marred 16 years, together for 20. Looking to R at this time. We have awesome kids (12/14).

Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2013
BeyondBreaking
♀ 38020
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I watch that show regularly.

I would not compare those women to betrayed spouses. These women KNEW and CHOSE to live this lifestyle. It is like comparing cheating to an open marriage- not the same thing. If you and your husband have an agreement that relationships and sex outside the marriage are fine, or other marriages are fine- it is not cheating.

Me personally, no way in hell I would ever sign up for this.

But I watch this show regularly and these women done seem manipulated or repressed in anyway. They are smart, kind, good women who have different values than me.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
topperoff22
♀ 40762
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The huge difference is that they are making a CHOICE to live this way, we did not.

Believe me..I get that. A total difference. It just got me thinkin' .. ya know?

I also don't see where he gets it from the Bible, except from the old testament where there were multiple wives. I'm not up on that enough, however, to determine if that practice changed later on in the new testament. I believe it did and was a cultural thing God did not condone. Not sure though.


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
JamieMc
♀ 37776
Member # 37776
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My daughter used to watch this show, she is 21+ & taking a masters degree in Social work. It was a while ago , probably several seasons ago & hubby was asked how he would respond to his wives having other husbands/ partners & his response was something along the lines of "vulgarity" Glad I a not a Sister wife!! Jamie


BS early 50's Wh also early 50's. I am Jamie, Mom to 3 great teens/young adults. My WH and I have been together more than half of our lives and married 25+. We are in MC & going to give R our best shot, hoping and praying for a better 2013!

Posts: 112 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: USA
JamieMc
♀ 37776
Member # 37776
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My daughter used to watch this show, she is 21+ & taking a masters degree in Social work. It was a while ago , probably several seasons ago & hubby was asked how he would respond to his wives having other husbands/ partners & his response was something along the lines of "vulgarity" Glad I am not a Sister wife!! Jamie


BS early 50's Wh also early 50's. I am Jamie, Mom to 3 great teens/young adults. My WH and I have been together more than half of our lives and married 25+. We are in MC & going to give R our best shot, hoping and praying for a better 2013!

Posts: 112 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 24
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