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FR2012 posted 10/12/2013 22:15 PM

I have been back to work now for 3 weeks. It is weird being back.

My husband hasn't been taking well to me being back there. My work triggers him bad. Especially Saturdays.

Anyway, since I have been back I haven't seen my AP at all. It has been really nice. I don't know if he still works there and honestly, I don't care.

Everyday that I am at work though, I keep in contact with my husband. I call during lunch and try to text as much as I can. But usually on Saturdays, my husband asks me if there is anyone there that bugs him. Usually there is at least one person. But when I tell him that my AP isn't there, I feel like he doesn't believe me. I understand why he wouldn't too. But it is true that I haven't seen my AP at all.

There isn't really a point to this post. I guess a little happy that I haven't seen my AP since being back to work. Anyway, just getting some thoughts out of my head. Thanks for reading.

LosferWords posted 10/12/2013 23:59 PM

I call during lunch and try to text as much as I can.

These are really great actions. Keep them up. I can guarantee that if your husband isn't having triggers on one day, he will have them on another day. Definitely keep this up. Excellent work.

SandAway posted 10/13/2013 08:10 AM

It sounds like your doing everything you can while at work.

What will you do if/when you do see your xAP? Have you and your BH discussed how you will handle that?

Can you look for a new job? I think working with or anywhere near an xAP is a terrible thing for a BS to worry about. They will always wonder 'what if'...

authenticnow posted 10/13/2013 08:32 AM

This is going to be an adjustment for you and H. I agree with SandAway that you need a plan for if you do run into OM.

I think it's going to take a very long time for BH to be okay with this, if ever. I can't imagine working with xOM. My BH would not have it.

Keep communicating with your BH, and keep being completely open and transparent with him.

Good luck in this very tough situation.

FR2012 posted 10/13/2013 14:05 PM


Thanks. I am really trying to do everything I can in order to make him feel safe. He has told me that he doesn't think I will cheat again. I know what will happen if I do anyways.

I know that he is always going to trigger about something. I try to help him as much as I can with those triggers. I know when he triggers even without him telling me.


What will you do if/when you do see your xAP?

I am just going to ignore him. We usually don't work at the same time anyway, And we work in different departments so we don't have to interact at all. Don't have the same breaks or anything.

Before I left work in March, I always told my husband if I had to interact with my xAP. Which wasn't usually a lot anyway. But since being back I haven't seen him.

Can you look for a new job?

I am actually working right now to gain some money. I am going back to school and start in December. When I start school I will only be working on Saturdays.


I probably do need a better plan than just to ignore him. Do you have any suggestions?

I am going to continue doing what I am doing and tell him anything he wants to know.

Thank you for the responses.

breakingpoint posted 10/13/2013 19:06 PM

One extra step I have done is to provide phone records so that my husband knows that I am not deleting texts.

As far as a plan, I would think about how you would interact with any ole person at work and be ready to fake that interaction. Avoid talking at all if you can, but if you can't be distant, short, courteous, and impersonal.

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