I often frequent the website babycenter to talk about all things baby related (have an 11 month old and I'm pregnant) and sometimes my marriage. He knows that's my personal space to talk with other women. But now I find out not only is he stalking me on there, he also made an account pretending to be a woman and has joined the sex group. It's a bunch of women talking about their sex lives, and he's pretending to be one of them so that he can get off on their responses. He's even made up these elaborate stories in detail about the things he's done sexually as a woman, and asking for others experiences. It seriously disgusts me that he took the one place that was mine and turned it into something dirty and creepy. He had also messaged a woman who had mentioned she filmed a porn with her bf, and asked her to send him the video. She unknowingly does this, thinking he's a woman!
Ugh, I just don't know where to go from here. He doesn't know I know any of this, but I can hardly stand to look at him and his touch makes me want to burst into tears. Do I confront him right away, or wait and see if he reveals any other sketchy behavior in the following week? Somehow I imagine this is only the tip of the iceberg. But I'm so tempted to say, "I'm only going to ask you this once so you better think carefully about your response. Is there anything you should tell me?" Maybe he'd spill, and if not he'd sit there for days stewing in anxiety, wondering how much I know. I also want to post and let all these women on babycenter know that he's my husband and a perv. But I know I probably shouldn't show my hand too soon. We're supposed to spend all tomorrow with his family and then go to a wedding.. I just don't know how I can carry on like nothing has happened
If your health can handle it, I would try and find out some more stuff. Especially if you are planning to D.
But, honestly, I think that is enough if you just want to get it over with and tell him you know and you are disgusted and he needs help. I mean why torture yourself with more details?
I wish you such good luck with the coming days no matter what you decide.
I really don't know if I'm ready to say I want a divorce. It seems like he has no respect for me to be doing this on MY site with MY online acquaintances, all while I'm pregnant. There are so many other places on the internet where he could go to be inappropriate and get his rocks off.. it really makes it seem like an intentional personal attack to invade my space. That makes me wonder if there's even anything worth saving.
I don't know. Does it sound like he's just a disgusting cheating idiot with no respect for me, or is it possible that he actually has a problem with this? I guess maybe I do need to bite my tongue for a while longer. I think I need to understand the full scope of things before I even consider working on us.
[This message edited by DOmomma09 at 12:01 AM, October 13th (Sunday)]
It sounds to me like a. he has not respect for you and b. yes, he does have a serious problem that requires expert help. Let's face it all of our WSs have problem like this, but they should not self medicate to the point of hurting the people they love. It is very disrespectful.
The hacking into your sites, this worries me. It's like he wants to control what you do, as well as, have a laugh at your expense.
Really, I wish you weren't going through this. Do you have a way of beginning IC?
Secondly, I would immediately contact the moderator of your mother's message board and tell them that he's impersonating a woman and he needs to be banned from the site immediately. Ask them for their discretion in the matter. There's no reason you should be ostricized for his disgusting behavior.
I don't know. Does it sound like he's just a disgusting cheating idiot with no respect for me...
I've heard and seen so many disgusting things men have done for a cheap thrill that nothing really surprises me anymore.
He NEEDS help, and it does not seem as though he is going to stop this type of behavior.
He may have SA tendencies, but only a professional can diagnose him for sure.
he also made an account pretending to be a woman
^^^As a woman, I find this even more disturbing, this IMO is a twisted predator.
I hope you can find it within yourself to decide what is the best course of action for your marriage.
I absolutely plan on notifying the moderator on my board, I'm just waiting a day or two until I figure out my own course of action. I don't want to tip him off. I want to let him know that I know he's being inappropriate and lying, and that if he wants any chance of saving this marriage he needs to tell me EVERYTHING right now. He won't know how much I know, so he won't be able to just guess. I'll also tell him if I realize I'm not getting the full truth, it's immediately over and I'll meet with a lawyer the next day. I'll schedule a IC session asap too.
Although at the wedding tonight I met the guys he works with for the first time, and they were talking about all the times they've gone out to bars and gotten drunk. This is news to me. If he behaved inappropriate while out of town, I'd never know and he'd never admit it. So even if he admits to everything else, is it really possible to move on from this? I feel like I'll always be questioning whether or not I know everything.
I'm so lost, part of me wants to just move on and start over with someone new who hasn't hurt me in so many ways. But then I look at my baby daughters face and it makes me so sad to consider tearing apart her family. I hate him so much for putting me in this position and doing this to our family, especially while pregnant!
I think he can feel a storm brewing. I tried my best to not to give him any hints about what's coming, but at the same time remain distant and avoid physical contact. He complained all day about anxiety, but claimed he didn't know why. He also told me he doesn't know what he'd do without me, and this man NEVER says anything sweet like that. He doesn't even say ILY.
I've also found that he has an email account I wasn't aware of. The last time I caught him I clearly asked for the names of any email he had. I already knew of one, and he also gave me his work one. Now I know through the keylogger that there's a third one. He used it to create his babycenter account, so that's how I know about it. I've been dying to get into it, but he hasn't logged into it so I don't know the password. I NEED to check that email.. I'm wondering what other sites he's signed up for with it.
Sorry this is so scattered, I just have so many racing thoughts and nowhere to direct them
[This message edited by DOmomma09 at 9:32 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]
Your WH travels for work. Ugh. You've now met the people that he travels with and discovered that they aren't the most *moral* people. Double ugh.
Once you confront your WH, I think that a poly request is in order....
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Not only do I have to feel the sting of his personal betrayal to me, I'm also dealing with the fact that he's manipulating women into unknowingly providing him sexual gratification. I'm so disgusted that I've been blindly living with this person for all this time
Am I wrong to consider what he's done cheating?
I do not have a lot of advice regarding porn and what not...
But sadly I know all about betrayal.
You are doing great.
You are smart to be vague. NEVER reveal your sources. This is super important.
Yes, this is cheating - even if it isn't physical. This could potentially tear your family apart. You must prepare yourself and be willing to end the M to save it.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, pack your shit and get out.
Fool me twice, now what?!?!
DON'T let him gaslight you!!
Take a deep breath. You know the difference between right and wrong. Don't let yourself become confused.
Sending you strength.
I agree with a previous poster - this behaviour is incredibly predatory so it will not be as easy as him admitting to things. I think he will keep this to himself as much as he can hun. I have some experience in this and they will only admit to what has been presented by you by evidence. They will more than likely never freely anything more, so if you feel you need further evidence keep the keylogger on his computer.
Make sure he does not know that you are posting here - this is your safe place now
I hope you are managing to take care of you, bump and little one
I definitely feel cheated on but I don't know how to make him see it that way. It doesn't exactly fit into descriptions of an emotional affair, and it's definitely not a physical one. It's almost worse though because the OW of sorts are completely unaware they're even involved.
Ugh, idk. Should I even bother trying or just file for divorce? I've made it pretty clear there's nothing to work on until he tells the truth, but he's still denying. He keeps saying "I wish I knew what you were mad about before just ending our marriage." I think he's fishing for what I know so that he doesn't have to admit a word more than what I bring up.