Apologies for all of my posts this weekend. A lot is happening and very quickly, so that my mind feels like it's swirling again.
Over the last few weeks, XPervert put the nails in the coffin and pushed me over the brink about telling DD the truth about him in entirety. He claimed it was "for her", but we all know that it was to ease his guilty a..
Well, the deed is done.
This poor kid has such confusion that she flip flops daily on her feelings as she sorts through them.
My main problem right now and reason for this new thread is because she finally told me the other day that during their nightly phone calls now, he is pestering her repeatedly about "forgiveness. Do you forgive daddy? When will you forgive daddy? Daddy has a nice new family for you." and so on, she says.
I work very hard and feel like my soul is dangling from a tight fishing line, if you can imagine the stress, to be "cool mom" and not say my own opinions. The only good I can see this has done is to open her up to asking me a lot of questions about people and relationships.
She's so darn smart, she's linking other family members to broken marriages and asking what happened in them or what happened to the spouse who's gone away.
And that damn man is rushing so fast into trying to cement his relationships with OW and DD that he is already labeling DD and Junior "sisters"...when one of my parents did this years ago with a new spouse, he had fits. Now that it has to do with him, who cares, I guess?
He is pushing her now to go "there" as he has property with this awful person and not going to wait for my consent any longer. Apparently it is his right and I'm working on my thoughts because the stress is too high.
When I was still pregnant, we talked a lot about visitation with the baby and he agreed-to my face-that he would not ask for the baby to visit out of the house or with the other people for about six months-for a time the immunization angle worked.
So the baby is two weeks old now and several times, the man has pushed me to take him to the family occasions. I totally understand and am glad he wants time with DS but I have so many FOO issues right now and am somewhat clingy to DS and want him nearby. XPervert will say one day he understands this, and then another time will ask me again.
I let him take the baby on jaunts like to the store because I felt so bad refusing and worry about what he will tell his Lawyer, so last week he gave me hell because he said he didn't understand the difference between a store run or group of people.
Well, sorry buddy, but people in his family smoke and drink and DS is not immunized yet. And the dr said this was ok and could see my reasoning.
Any ideas are helpful for how to deal with someone showing so much a degree of being two faced...much of it is passive aggression, though and gets mixed up.
Many times I do "crickets", but with kids and selling the house still to go, sometimes a response is unavoidable. I do work at creating more mechanical replies lately and it helps, but the stress is too high again.
And thank you for all the congrats. The active labor at the end was intense but short and I'm so glad it's over and am pulling out blue jeans that I missed again.
Or seeing my feet.
[This message edited by Ashland13 at 6:56 AM, October 13th (Sunday)]
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.