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Newest Member: FrustratedJoker (61483)

User Topic: It didn't feel right....
♂ 37081
Member # 37081
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last week my BW and I were busy with family things and had had a wonderful time together. We never spoke of the A like we usually do every night. I was going back to work after a few days off and wanted to talk to my BW about things. I had a small epiphany days before and have a total different outlook on things. My BW wanted me to do an exercise pertaining to the A which I was keen on doing. I started talking about this and my BW told me not to talk about this and to come over to cuddle and watch TV. I started to cry. I was happy that my BW wanted to cuddle but on the other hand was worried. My BW knew it would be nine days of work where we wouldn't be able to talk about things due to time constraints. It was a big step. As days went on things became more worrisome to me. We have had a wonderful few days since but my BW yesterday mentioned to me by text that I haven't been posting in SI.

I've been on the site reading stuff but wasn't sure about posting. Was it a test? Did she really want to forget about it for a bit? I did want to post about what I am posting about now so I advised her of it. I told her I was going to do it last night or this morning. I'm not going to make excuses but it didn't happen. I then was going to do it on the way up to work as I was riding in the car pool. It didn't happen. So now I'm at work and started doing it because of the lack of distractions.

My BW looked for the posting then asked if I was at work. I said yes. She is now upset because again I didn't do what I said I was going to when I said I was going to do it. This is a large fault of mine. I always seem to do things too late.

I knew I felt like I should have just spoke to my BW about things. If I had then I wouldn't have her upset at me about what she is right now. I believe everything is a learning experience but I don't want it to be when it involves my BW. She feels like she's the lowest priority of mine but it's far from the truth. All I want to do is help her and I seem to fail miserably every time.

Me: 38 BS: 33
3 y/o DD and one new DS
Married: 9 years
3.5yr A
Status: Each day I find more of how I screwed up

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Canada
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Sam - I'm glad to see you posting out here.

So is posting here part of the work that your wife is asking you to do to help heal you/her/the marriage?

If so, definitely dedicate some time to do so to help her feel better, but also focus on what you want to work on.

Is the issue at hand about posting, or about procrastinating in general?

Very touching story about you and your wife. Gotta cling to those wonderful moments when they happen.

Best of luck to you both.

Posts: 30659 | Registered: Dec 2010
♀ 40963
Member # 40963
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This type of thing has been an issue in my marriage as well. One of the ways that you can prevent NOT doing what you say that you are going to do, is not over-promising.

My husband is so scared to disappoint me or make me mad that he tells me what I want to hear rather than the truth.

Next time, be honest about your time constraints from the beginning. "I will post as soon as I can, but it may be later tonight." She might not like what you say, but feeling lied to or that she isn't a priority is a million times worse.

Posts: 118 | Registered: Oct 2013
♂ 37081
Member # 37081
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you very much. That's exactly what I do. I over promise so I don't cause issues at the time but it just delays it. I need to stop doing that.

Me: 38 BS: 33
3 y/o DD and one new DS
Married: 9 years
3.5yr A
Status: Each day I find more of how I screwed up

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Canada
♂ 37958
Member # 37958
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Sam. I can understand how you feel and your status says it all. Everyday I realize that I screwed up worst and worst. I'm trying not to disappoint my BS as well but seem like I fail in that department.
Sam just continue being supportive and understanding where she is coming from. There will be up and down during this time but it will get better and don't overthink, I tend to do that a lot.

Me: WS 31
A : 17 months
Her : BS/WS 26 (ShockedErica11)
A: 3 months
DD : 3
Relationship : 4
Married : 2
DDay : November 2012
Her DDay : June 2013

Posts: 71 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Chamblee
Topic Posts: 5

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