Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: meepsy (46028)

User Topic: How do I speed up the Divorce?
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I seem to be in a unique situation for SI. My STBXH and I actually get along well despite his A and SA diagnosis. I have told him honestly that I still care for him, but I cannot be married to him. I have to protect myself and the kids from his problems. He agrees.

We've been living apart since Aug 2013. We have a workable visitation schedule in place. I'm not opposed to joint legal custody as long as I have physical custody. We don't really have any assets, and we agree to split our debts 50/50. Our house in going into foreclosure, and we've talked about how to split and dispose of household property. STBXH is willing to pay CS and Maintenance for me up to a total of 45-50% of his net income.

I retained a L and filed on Sep 5th. STBXH has also retained a L, who has filed an appearance, and answer. (I haven't seen it yet).

Our first case management date before the court is Dec 5th. I'd like to have everything ironed out and ready to present to the judge by then. Is this feasible?

My L said something about 'sending us to mediation.' Is there anything wrong with us working out details ahead of time and then having one of the lawyers write it up?

Any advice from the wise sages of SI would be appreciated.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
homewrecked2011
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my lawyer actually suggested we try to work it out first to save $$.

Also, I would try to get get it in the divorce papers that there are no overnights with gf. This has saved my sanity as my XWH is with a SA. They see nothing wrong with 3 teenagers sharing a living room on overnights. The SA he is with would do anyone, including my handsome 16 son. - in our state the age of consent is 16 unless it is with a teacher or minister, then it's a crime.

So, good luck to you!


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2383 | Registered: Jan 2012
hurtbs
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes you can come with an agreement already in place.

However, one note of caution, my XSAWH and I have a good relationship the first few months of separation. However, when the divorce became "real" to him he went into his addiction full force, which included exceptional cruelty to me. If he is still active in his addiction, then keep in mind that that is where addicts go in times of stress. Just telling you to be prepared in case he suddenly reverses


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15341 | Registered: Jun 2006
Tripletrouble
♀ 39169
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH and I hammered out the division ourselves and created an excel spreadsheet with notes that we emailed to the attorney. It was all drafted and only needed a little tweaking. This saved us thousands in legal fees and our D will be final within two months of when we sent the document to the attorney. It depends of course on your state laws and the norm in your court system, and even the judge who handles your case. You can PM if you want more info.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 640 | Registered: May 2013
Grace and Flowers
♀ 34431
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My situation was similar to Triples. We were not cordial, but due to his strong feelings of guilt, we drew something up very easily. He didn't even get a lawyer. We gave the lawyer all the details and he drew it up and took it to court. 30 days later, we were divorced.

As long as nothing seems unduly punitive to either party, a judge will easily accept whatever you have agreed upon.

Good luck!


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1217 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, this gives me some hope. We're keeping things as amicable as possible for the kids. Part of the reason I'd like things to go fast is that I'm worried it won't last.

I think part of the reason STBXH wants things to go fast is that he has possible sex offender charges hanging over his head. Once he's charged with that, there's no chance in hell he'll get visitation, not to mention joint custody. (We think the cops are currently waiting for him to f/u again so they can show a "pattern of behavior".) The only reason I care is that he can't pay us support if he's in jail, plus it's better for the kids.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Phoenix1
♀ 38928
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gemini, check on your state laws and you can find out how to speed things up. The court website is usually a wealth of information. Courts prefer to see settlements hammered out between the parties.

In my state we are able to prepare our own paperwork with court provided forms. I did my homework first to know what I would likely get anyway. I chose to be cordial with POS for the sole purpose of speeding the process and getting him to agree to what I want before I knew the winds would change. I got those papers in August, filed, and our final hearing is less than a week away. Since I filed, and got what I wanted, I have gone totally dark on POS (total NC). As expected, now that he is shacked up with OW3 he is trying to change his mind, but it is too late and I just laugh and have not responded to any of his insane tirades. Being cordial and pushing the D through was a strategic move on my part, and worked.

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 9:39 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1311 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Topic Posts: 7

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.