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morethantrying posted 10/13/2013 18:29 PM

For me the worst time of day for rumination is first thing in the AM ...when I wake up...I try to keep a routine, morning coffe and my prayers...even then it STILL hits me.....what is your worst time of day and what do you do to combat it?

SoVerySadNow posted 10/13/2013 18:49 PM

At first, and for about nine months, the first thing in the morning was the worst. I kept a routine, like you, but still... It was like it hit me like a train every time I woke up.
Now, it seems to be various times of day, depending on triggers. And especially at night when I'm still awake with my thoughts and WH is blissfully snoring.
I'm just past the first antiversary.

bionicgal posted 10/13/2013 19:04 PM

Early evening - around 4-7 ish. Just like when I am sick!

cluless posted 10/13/2013 19:10 PM

Right now it just hits when it hits. But night-time when it's quiet is when it's at it's worst.

I basically haven't figured out how to combat it yet. I write, I cry, I listen to music. Not interested in anything else.

[This message edited by cluless at 7:11 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]

topperoff22 posted 10/13/2013 19:48 PM

By far it is the morning. I wake up happy and then "bam!" I think "Oh crap. That really happened. It wasn't one of my nightmares I used to have that this was going to happen." And I try to pray and keep busy too and journal, but sometimes it is just to much.

ok4now posted 10/13/2013 19:55 PM

Hands down the night for me. I have never been a good sleeper and my mind rehashes everything.

My WS could sleep through anything. Especially right after dday I just remember my sleepless nights and him snoring away.

I am embarrassed to admit but candy crush and various stupid mindless games got me through some very long nights.

K

Losttransport posted 10/13/2013 20:59 PM

The worst time of day is when I shower. I have no idea why, whether it is morning or night, but I always think about it and I always feel like crap.

kickboxer posted 10/13/2013 22:03 PM

Hands down, the hardest part of my day is when my husband is commuting to and from work.

From what I can tell, this seems to be the bulk of time he conducted his affair activity.

I can literally feel my heart break -- hear it crack, even -- when he's driving to and from work.

So far the only thing that helps is to keep myself busy or cry. Sad, but true.

[This message edited by kickboxer at 10:04 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]

Kalliopeia posted 10/13/2013 22:31 PM

when I wake up. I feel terrible. Like someone died. Then I remember.

And hugs to you, Clueless. It's so recent for you. :(

iwillNOT posted 10/13/2013 23:04 PM

Definitely evening time - I am usually completely depleted by then, and have still got to do dinner/ bedtime for 4 little kids. WH works thirds, so he's gone -all I want to do is curl up in my recliner but NOPE, motherhood calls. My kids have been watching a lot of movies before bed and going to bed later, while mom pulls herself together enough to accomplish bedtime.

Zayda1 posted 10/13/2013 23:29 PM

Like a previous poster it's first thing in the morning, in the shower. I now have a radio in the bathroom and it helps some, but there are some days I simply am not strong enough to stop thinking about what has happened.

Tinker01 posted 10/13/2013 23:32 PM

Mine is when I take my walks. In the early morning. I had to stop for awhile. Now that I am starting again I am listen to books that I have download verses music which seems to help .

Patchy posted 10/13/2013 23:46 PM

Both night time and morning used to be the worst. Pretty much any time I was lying in bed in silence with my thoughts. So middle of the night sometimes too.

Now morning seems to be better in general lately, which is something I just realized, so thanks for asking so I could realize some improvement.

And now that I think about it, night time is often better overall too. At this very moment, however, my stomach is in knots. Just watched TV. While lying in bed isn't always the worst time anymore, I just randomly and quite often feel like shit. Keep wondering when I'll look at him and not think of what he did. When I'll be able watch people kiss on TV and not see him kissing her. I hate it.

As for what I "do" about it. What can any of us do? I cry. I lie around depressed. I come on this forum, which is why I'm here now. I did journal a couple of weeks ago when I triggered hard. I don't know that it did any good though. I just keep holding on to the positive stories that are shared here that it does get better. One can hope.

Oh. And I've been taking sleeping pills at night ever since DDay #1. That helps some.

I also do deep and slow breathing sometimes to calm myself down. Vodka and rum help too but luckily I haven't felt the need for those much lately. Another sign of improvement I guess.

yousaid4ever posted 10/14/2013 00:04 AM

Life with a fucking cheater sucks no matter what time of the day!!!!! Are there really people out there who don't deal with this 24/7?!?!?! What would that be like!?!!!

Sorry ,too much wine tonight.

Marathonwaseasy posted 10/14/2013 01:02 AM

When I'm alone. Especially first thing. Our youngest work early this morning so instead of sitting crying I'm watching cartoons. Which helps a lot
Maybe next early morning I'm alone I will watch cartoons anyway

blakesteele posted 10/14/2013 02:16 AM

8 am and 3 pm. Times my wife walks our girls too and from school....this is how her A was spawned....meeting MOM after they dropped their kids off at school.

Yeah, the times in between are when they actively fed the A (both of them have schedules conducive to illicit playing), late night texting while my wife was in the house with me and our kids sucks too....but 8 and 3 are the 2 worst times of day for me personally.

I text my wife a simple text at those times.

It was really tough just to leave our home for the first several months....but not an issue now. Someday these times wont be an issue either....but they are right now.

This is tough, painful work....but I see so many struggling with this. Also see my wifes fAP and his wife NOT taking advantage of this struggle to improve themselves or their marriage. So I take some comfort in that, too...that this price I am paying is actually getting me something in return. KWIM?

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 2:20 AM, October 14th (Monday)]

blakesteele posted 10/14/2013 02:23 AM

(((marathonwaseasy)))

I get what you are saying about watching cartoons. I, too, have stepped away from processing and done similar things.

I just looked in on our girls (I am awake due to restless dreams)...they both sleeping in each others arms. Was peaceful just looking at them. Good to keep perspective...this hurts like hell but there is more to life then just how I feel.

Peace to us all.

PrincessPeach06 posted 10/14/2013 06:47 AM

I have hated mornings since Dday. I wake up practically in tears everyday no matter how the previous day was. I've known depression in the past but this is so different! It is a complete overwhelming sadness that lifts quickly but returns every day without fail. Someday I hope it is gone.

Bikingguy posted 10/14/2013 08:02 AM

For me it's typically during the afternoons at work when/if it is slow. I tent to go through the same cycle many times. From disbelief, to astonishment, despression, then disgust, dissapointment, anger and sometimes to rage. Then worse I get mad at myself for what appears to be my lack of being able to let go of the resentment.

blakesteele posted 10/14/2013 08:39 AM

Your post spoke to me bikingguy....that cycle is way to familiar.