Why do we need people to want and love us? If they turn on you, take your marriage vows and completely disregard them, that is his problem not mine. Yet... here I sit crying. I can't keep going like this, is it easier just leaving the marriage? Or does the pain follow you? Is there anything out there that can take it away? Is there anyway to ever trust anyone again? Is life possible after this?
Learning to live again is killing me
Status: We're going to try IC one more time.
[This message edited by SerJR at 7:35 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]
Oh gosh have I been there. I can only answer for me. But part of it for me was the things I could always count on, part of my foundation was my marriage and it would forever be altered and changed. I know it is what everybody says but I never thought in a million yrs I would be here. Through the ups and downs of life he was part of my foundation that I always knew would be there.
When the betrayal happened it rocked me to my core. I started to question everything and everybody.
When I dreamed of my future it always included him.
I felt lost and confused and I not only grieved the betrayal but I grieved the loss of that rock in my life. The constant questioning of his morals and ability to lie to me. That stability was gone. I felt like I was drowning. I questioned my judgement and my reality.
All I can say is R for me is going well at this point but it took several mos and therapy to get here.
That being said I still do not feel the same safety I once did.
I really do not think I was much help to you, but I wanted you to know you were heard and you are not alone.
[This message edited by ok4now at 7:49 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]
"The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it." - Brene Brown
I wish you comfort and peace.
I know in my heart I can NEVER trust this man again. I don't even trust any simple things he says to me now. Everything that comes out of his mouth I question. I don't want be like this. I don't want to question my sanity. How can somebody that is supposed to love you treat you like this? If you can never restore your marriage to pre-A what is the point?
My kids are tired of seeing me cry, being held up in my room, and not seeing my friends. I have NO interest in anything, food, tv, anything
I have a book our "marriage" counselor had given us when we were in therapy (the same therapy he started to help cover his affair) it has an article on forgiveness. I CAN'T even pick it up. I want to rip the pages out of it. I NEED help. I almost OD'ed on xanax last night. I can't continue feeling this pain anymore.
I look at my husband, he's eating, laughs, doesn't have a care in the world. I write to him (email) so I can get my feelings out, it took him 14 hours to respond, he is also bored with how long this is taking. I've only learned of the WHOLE story for a few days now. Those new images our now engraved into my mind. Wouldn't it be easier to just leave the marriage?
I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE
I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE
I think you are right cluless. You can't do THIS anymore.
What has your WH done to take responsibility for his choices and the consequences? What has he done to express his remorse and desire to set things right? What has he done to find out what was missing withing himself that allowed him to make these choices? What has he done to make amends to the marriage and rebuild? What has he done to gain your trust? What actions has he put in place to ensure that he never does this again?
If you don't have an answer to these questions... then reconciling with this man would be as effective as trying to ride a bicycle with only one tire. No matter how much effort one tire puts into it, both tires are what makes it a bicycle.
Take some time and be patient with yourself. Think about what your needs are in the marriage and let him know what they are. Think about what you will not tolerate in your marriage and let him know. Let him know that it is his choice as to how he follows up, and that you will not do his part for him. Let him know that you will move forward with your life and he is free to join you if he so choses and if he is willing to work on his self improvement. You have needs and you have boundaries. It is up to you to stand up for them.