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Just don't give a shit anymore

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HeartInADustpan posted 10/13/2013 20:32 PM

That about sums it up. I browsed books today looking for advice on how to overcome the "I just don't give a shit anymore" mentality. I gave up because I was tired and decided I just didn't give a shit. Bad double edged sword.

I've stared at this screen for longer than I'd like to admit trying to figure out what the hell I'm trying/wanting to say. Sad thing is I don't even know. This topic might be up for the most pointless thread on all of SI. I guess I'd be honored if I gave a shit about anything right now.

Could be an attack of LPF or me just deciding I'm done with all of this A stuff. R takes work from both the BS and WS and this BS just doesn't give a shit anymore.

lostcovenants posted 10/13/2013 20:47 PM

((Heart)) take a deep breath. One day at a time right? It 8:45pm where I am and my WS just fell asleep with his head in my lap on the sofa. I'm just going to enjoy the moment....

Remember, lots of people here on SI understand and care about YOU.

StillStanding1 posted 10/13/2013 21:19 PM

I'm guessing you didn't mean to be funny, but your first paragraph made me laugh out loud. I can totally relate. I'm so tired of being the only one who gives a shit, so I don't want to give a shit anymore. I, too, feel a certain level of numbness... I do fear that it is the calm before my storm and the tsunami of emotion is silently propelling its way to shore...

No words of advice. Just wanted to say "I feel you" and wish you the best.

morethantrying posted 10/13/2013 21:59 PM

Yes, I go through this....just get tired of it RULING my is okay...I am dealing with Feb DDay (all the TRUTH) as well...really can't wait for the YEAR to be up...after once around the year I hope it will feel a bit better...gosh it IS day at a time....

ctdean2004 posted 10/14/2013 04:21 AM

I agree. I have tons of these moments. I don't give a shit because I have five million other things to do than worry about my H and his problems. I hate this consuming my head. It's a pain in the ass I know. One day at a time right?

blakesteele posted 10/14/2013 06:24 AM

I miss the fun way of loving and being with my wife...miss that terribly. I get tired of thinking and rethinking about the simplest of my actions.....mostly behind my motives of doing what I do.
I still wrestle with the fact that it was my wife that broke NC and that her AP not responding to that email is what killed that relationship....

In many ways my feeling like you expressed likens back to my high school relationships....when I got hurt, but I quickly got to the Not Caring point and found another girlfriend...wasn't nearly as tiring and hurtful as this is. I also have thoughts about how easy and fun it would be to start up a new relationship with a new woman....but am intelligent enough to realize my struggles would come with me. let me try to explain that...

BS see their fWS in a new light...I get that, have processed through much of that. The shock to me was seeing MYSELF in a new light. That is actually tougher for me as I thought I knew myself.....its exhausting at times trying to get ones bearings when this happens. Until I process that, come to groups with who I really am, I am doomed to repeat myself. If I D and started a new relationship, the fun and excitement of that would feel good....doing what I am doing now feels bad....but then after the fun and excitement wore off I still have this to work through....or I could just change women every few years, which is a choice not too uncommon. But this is looking outside for internal change and validation. It just wont work. I pray everyday I keep this true thought in mind as I investigate my motives behind my choices.

All things that are good are not easy or fun, all things that are bad are not hard or painful.

God be with us all.

p.s. I have posted similar seemingly pointless threads....have resulted in some very thought provoking responses. I pray this happens for you.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 6:32 AM, October 14th (Monday)]

sisoon posted 10/14/2013 06:50 AM

OK. This is the 2nd post in a short time on this theme.

What's changed, Heart?

wert posted 10/14/2013 07:44 AM

This topic might be up for the most pointless thread on all of SI.

Nope. I think it's critical to you as a person. On some level, for a while, I needed to say F to my M. You know F to the M. I like that. I mean I was just out of juice. I needed to recharge me for me. Not for my kids, my W or anybody else, just me.

My two cents is to get out a calendar, fill in your obligations - the shit you have to do for your kids or job - and the rest with things you actually want to do. What do you love? Reading, boating, running? Get into it again. Just forget out the M and your H for a while. Give yourself a few months....Tell you H if you want to...or not.

I read, took the role of president of a local non-profit I was already apart of and starting to focus on meditation more in my life because I wanted to be even again. That was just my track...make your own.

You sounds like you need a good dose of you time. It does not mean you are giving up, it just means you are taking care of the only person who can really take care of

take care...

heartache101 posted 10/14/2013 08:03 AM

As a BS I demand to be put first all the time. If that does not happen I feel neglected and unloved. A small statement can send me off into get my ducks in a row I am so freakin done. Yes they are fewer now but it still happens.
Heart I get it. I read your waywards post. Why does he not get it he had all that time for her messages etc etc. He should have tons of time to text u talk to u and work on the marriage. We all get busy I had depression and could not function. Is he depressed?
He very well could. I know if I cheated I would be in a big dark hole for sure.
I hope you are ok heart.

rachelc posted 10/14/2013 08:03 AM

me too. my body needs a break.
my husband can tell and it scares him that I'm no longer fighting..
there is some peace in here.

HeartInADustpan posted 10/14/2013 09:39 AM

Wow. You guys are I was shocked waking up to see all your responses.

So many of you were able to put in words what I could not. So, massive quote to sum it up.

fear that it is the calm before my storm and the tsunami of emotion is silently propelling its way to shore...

tired of it RULING my life.

I have five million other things to do than worry about my H and his problems.

just out of juice

my body needs a break.

I guess I do care more than I thought, though. Last night I lost it on KB. I mean lost it. I went through every single thing he did that hurt me and was on a rampage (at least by my normally mild mannered standards). So, logic tells me that if I'm so willing to put that much effort in chewing off 10lbs of KB's ass, I must care about him and our M. He took it, though, without an argument. There were no "but you" or "but I" statements uttered from his mouth. He was calm and he let me, heck encouraged me, to get it all out as kindly as he could. There must have been a place way back in my head that kept chanting "Heart, he's owning it. He knows."

Since I've been up, well, I feel better. The kind you have after a good cry. One thing I realized was many of the things I said last night I had never said to KB. They were details of his As I knew that he had told me, but I never said them aloud myself. I don't know, maybe now they've been said I can let them go? I hope so. I was spewing venom and I know I don't ever want to utter his APs names and details of their As again.

I'm positive this is all revolving around the upcoming 1 year anti. I just hope I can keep it together.

Gr8Lady posted 10/14/2013 10:01 AM

You just have a big dose of what many of us have or have had. As my mother used to say this too shall pass. Believe that

HeartInADustpan posted 10/14/2013 10:08 AM

As a followup, now I feel bad/guilty. Part of me feels like I should apologize for my behavior. I was downright mean at times. The other side is I didn't say anything he didn't say or do during his As. That doesn't excuse my behavior and make it ok in my eyes, though. I hate feeling like I'm losing who *I* am in all of this.

Oh, and StillStanding it was intended to be funny in the exasperated, tongue in cheek kinda way. Sometimes English just doesn't have the right word for that kind of funny.

ontheslope posted 10/14/2013 10:34 AM

Heart... I think we all get it. We've all been there.

I wrote a 'sick of it' post on the Betrayed Men thread #14 a while back - page 40 something, I think, that was in line with what I think you were feeling. I guess there is a difference between 'sick of it' and 'don't give a shit', but they're not far off from each other. That being said, I have my 'don't give a shit' days as well. They aren't all that much fun, that's for sure.

Wish I could offer some advice for you. Sometimes you're hurting and there are just no words to describe it. Our spoken languages are limited, especially when it comes to properly describing emotions as deep as the ones we are feeling.

Best of luck to you.

jemimapd posted 10/14/2013 10:43 AM


I think you and your WH are both quite cerebral people. Letting out your real feelings was possibly exactly what you needed to do.

I am filing for divorce and I have said a lot more to my WH about my feelings lately. It runs so deep. It has helped.

Also, if your WH owns it and has been 100% transparent, that is hugely important. Mine is still lying and it has been the death knell for our marriage.....

[This message edited by jemimapd at 10:44 AM, October 14th (Monday)]

tushnurse posted 10/14/2013 11:19 AM

Heart, what you were feeling is normal, it's kind of that level acceptance we all reach in R. OK he did this, now I know I had no control over it, and I have been supportive and done what I could, but I now realize I have no control over what he does in the future, and it does create this phenomenon of Fuck it all, who cares anymore.

But you did the right thing you spewed out a bunch of yuck you were holding in, and felt better after. Don't apologize for doing that, do apologize for being less than kind when doing it. It is all part of the healing process.

It does get better, and like you said, you realized that he was owning it, he wasn't blaming, he wasn't ya but, no but during, he was agreeable, and supportive. He gets it. Now to move forward.

((((and strength))))

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