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advice needed for a friend. help me help her!!

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Alyssamd24 posted 10/13/2013 20:35 PM

One of my closest friends is going through a tough is the background story; she and her son's father were basically high school sweethearts...they have been together 10 years and have a four year old son together. He was born when she was 25 weeks pregnant and spent the first 4 months of his life in the NICU.

Last June my friends boyfriend left her....he told her he was no longer happy with her and couldn't pretend anymore. She was crushed, but has worked through it.

He began dating another woman, moved in with her, got her pregnant, and just married her. Their daughter was born Friday night.

My friend is obviously having a hard time with this, but is trying to be strong for her son, who is excited to be a big brother. She feels bad that her ex finally had the healthy baby and happy birth (and happy family) she couldn't give him.

She is also upset that these memories (the wedding and sibling) are first experiences he has given to their son, and she will never be able to give him those.

I am at a loss as to what I should say to her and how to help her, and was wondering if anyone had any advice about what I can say/do for her.

Grace and Flowers posted 10/13/2013 21:31 PM

Probably the best thing to do for her is just BE THERE. Listen, offer hugs, try to do things with her. Sounds like she has a lot of grieving to do.

I understand the feeling of not having the perfect "experience" kids were 3 months early. Two boys, with mild disabilities. Now XWH spends his time with his gf's "perfect" little daughter (not his).

It's just grief. And the best thing we can do for those we love that are grieving is just be there. There are no set words you can really say. Sometimes just listening is best.

She is so very lucky to have a friend as good as you.

letitout posted 10/14/2013 05:53 AM

I agree to being there for her. Can she get a baby sitter and take her out to lunch. Sometimes just walking with a friend helped me because it was easier to talk and talk it all out without other being about and the exercise calmed me down.

You may try to do what others hear on SI say, make sure she gets plenty of water, some good food and find some books for her to read. I can't think of any off hand, at the moment, but some positive thinking ones may help.

A short bout with an IC may help also.

You are a good friend.

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