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False recovery

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hdhs3 posted 10/13/2013 21:46 PM

Can someone explain to me what a false recovery is, I have seen several references to it here, not sure what it means, trying to decide if I am in one

Exit Wounds posted 10/13/2013 21:57 PM

Best I know it means you thought you and your spouse were honest and working on your relationship and in reality they are lying and still cheating I been there and it is soul crushing...

blakesteele posted 10/14/2013 06:37 AM

Its when you are in MC, fWW says all the right things, then decides to move her A from an EA to a PA while in weekly counseling sessions. It is very hard to see coming until it happens...our counselor was fooled too. Yeah....soul crushing....effective way to define how it feels when it is done to you.

Its like thinking you are both swimming in the deep end only to realize you are treading water by yourself and your spouse is standing in ankle deep water checking out the lifeguard.

Only one of you has jumped in with both feet and recommitted to your original vows. Only one of you has attempted to be vulnerable and the other takes advantage of that vulnerability and uses it against them.

It hurts and I have seen this be the deal breaker to marriages of other SI can actually be more destructive to a marriage then the A was, because it speaks to the intentionality of the actions of the WS.

Might try to find a counselor that specializes in infidelity. I believe it would have helped us had we been with one who specialized in this early on. We are proof that just being in MC means nothing....maybe its like having a dermatologist check your skin for a brain tumor? Maybe it would not have made a difference in our case...counselors are people too, all people can be fooled, and the level of deception by a person involved in adultery is epic.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 6:44 AM, October 14th (Monday)]

MrsDoubtfire posted 10/14/2013 06:44 AM

Yeah. The above. I found out FWH had cheated and he then stated he wanted to work on the M (we were S at this point ) but he lied and the A continued for another 9 months. Only then- when I confronted ow and she admitted they were still seeing each other - and all hell broke loose did real R happen.

FWIW- despite the IC and FWH all telling me that he was no longer cheating I just knew he was as he was half assed with R and was still not being transparent and showed hardly any remorse. He continue to blame me for the m being crap etc.

If you have any concerns then trust your gut I always say as mine hasn't let me down yet.

[This message edited by MrsDoubtfire at 6:45 AM, October 14th (Monday)]

blakesteele posted 10/14/2013 06:49 AM

Great that gut.

I reacted so poorly upon gut instinct was no where to be found...horrible, horrible, horrible time period. But time has passed and I quickly found my gut again and new found courage too. Your gut is so important...I try to mention that anytime a fellow SI member asks what to do. There is no way I can fully feel what they feel...but if they can get in touch with their gut I recommend they go with that over all other inputs. doesn't mean you have to make life altering decisions with your gut, but it does mean you must investigate that which your gut is indicating is not right.

Why did you post this? What is your gut saying is not lining up correctly?

We are in true R is tentative but true. Stood no chance until I confronted both her AP and his wife...did that separately with some time in between. My wife also had to choose to my actions alone did not cause R to start....ultimately true R takes effort on both sides.

Absolutely doesn't mean our M will survive just means we are both committed to radical honesty. This will at least give us true facts from which to make future decisions from.

Sucks...but I believe until full light is shed on this R cant take place....didn't in our case anyway.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:25 AM, October 14th (Monday)]

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