Its when you are in MC, fWW says all the right things, then decides to move her A from an EA to a PA while in weekly counseling sessions. It is very hard to see coming until it happens...our counselor was fooled too. Yeah....soul crushing....effective way to define how it feels when it is done to you.
Its like thinking you are both swimming in the deep end only to realize you are treading water by yourself and your spouse is standing in ankle deep water checking out the lifeguard.
Only one of you has jumped in with both feet and recommitted to your original vows. Only one of you has attempted to be vulnerable and the other takes advantage of that vulnerability and uses it against them.
It hurts and I have seen this be the deal breaker to marriages of other SI members....it can actually be more destructive to a marriage then the A was, because it speaks to the intentionality of the actions of the WS.
Might try to find a counselor that specializes in infidelity. I believe it would have helped us had we been with one who specialized in this early on. We are proof that just being in MC means nothing....maybe its like having a dermatologist check your skin for a brain tumor? Maybe it would not have made a difference in our case...counselors are people too, all people can be fooled, and the level of deception by a person involved in adultery is epic.
God be with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 6:44 AM, October 14th (Monday)]