This site has been a godsend. Thank you to all of you sharing your heartbreaking stories, humor and great advice. I am in good company.
I found out about my WW's cheating and lies on Aug. 2nd.
My wife and I agreed earlier this year to move about 6 hours away from our home state so she could pursue her career. I would stay behind temporarily to support her and my DD until she got settled. I was to look for a job and arranged extended visits every few weeks thanks to a very understanding boss. It did not happen as planned. After few months, she decide to have an affair with a complete POS loser she met while out with my daughter at a park. Yes, they do affair down!!!I discovered the whole thing during a visit from a few simple clues (my wife has not been the best housekeeper for the last 12 years, but since her affair she has miraculously become quite a bit neater), and most heart wrenchingly from my own beautiful DD 6. My DD told me "mommy had a boy sleep over". Sickening. Absolutely the most crushing experience of my life. I thought I was doing the right thing by staying behind, busting my ass, sending every paycheck...
Not enough for her. Yes we have had issues in our marriage (like all of you), but like everyone else on here the absolute shock of my world going belly up was hard to bear.
The weekend I found out, after pleading with my wife for NC with the POS,MC, ANYTHING to save our family, I was met with a coldness I did not think was possible from the woman I had loved. Completely destroyed, I brought my DD back up to our home state and immediately hired an investigator. It was the best thing I could have done. I quickly got a clear picture of exactly what disgusting liar she is, and starting to acquire evidence to prove adultery. I foolishly returned my DD a week later thinking that she would not again be exposed to this mess. Big mistake, and one I will always regret. My wife quickly allowed this loser into our daughter's life. By now I had, by my own research, a nice picture of his criminal history--- 2nd degree assault(2cases),resisting arrest, four kids by three different women he was ordered to support, lives with his mom... a real beauty.
I also wasted no time in sharing her adultery with her parents, another very effective tactic that helped me emotionally and strategically-- at least for a while. Her father went ballistic and threatened to disown her. They have since circled the wagons, but we are still on speaking terms for now.
I quickly focused my anger and hurt, hired a good attorney and filed for divorce on grounds of adultery in the state in which they reside. A state in which adultery can bar spousal support and the exposure of a child to adultery is not looked upon kindly. My parents have been very supportive to say the least, thank God.
She cannot afford an attorney on her own, and so far her father has not been too excited about helping her find one. He will, I have no illusions about that. She is trying to rush us in to mediation in order to not have to hire a lawyer.
I have no problem with mediation, and I will do my best to accomplish my two main goals:
Protect myself financially, and protect my daughter from contact with this POS.
I know getting primary custody will be almost impossible, but I need some ideas on what to do to protect my daughter. My wife has, typical to all liars and cheaters, rewritten our marriage and my role as a father... I abandoned them, she has raised our daughter with no help from me (an astonishing lie as I have spent every minute possible with my daughter). All the pathetic lies of a cheater.
God, the pain of suddenly not knowing and trusting the one person you thought you could is so devastating. I know you all know what I am going through, and I thank you all again for being on here to offer support. I will become a regular here now, as I wade through this foul mess that a very insecure, selfish, and immoral WW has brought upon our family.
Any advice on moral clauses and mediation? The pain of this POS being around my daughter is the worst part of all of this...
[This message edited by coldshot at 11:08 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]