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AmberDust posted 10/14/2013 03:17 AM

I thought it was time to send an update !

A while ago after I found out H broke NC, he still had his "head up in his ass".
Fortunately he gets it now and is "out of the fog". I couldn’t have stayed married if he hadn’t.
He now says OW helped him be the worst person he could be and hurt himself, me and the kids.
He is very ashamed about what he said and did, he is open and honest, has figured out his FOO issues with a therapist and is making every effort possible to make me feel secure and safe.

OW is following the OW “I feel I am entitled” handbook. She still posts online about how she has lost her one true love, her soulmate, and is waiting for H to come to his senses, at which time he will finally and definitely choose her, of course, because she is the luuuurve of his life ! Of course she has no regret, because “pure love has no regret”, and she can love my H better than I can. I have no idea if she is still married but I found out she professed her love to my H online at the time of the A, which I thought was totally disrespectful to her own H. So it could easily be she is still M.

I informed the OBS via email. At the time, H was angry at me for informing. “He could come to our house! Let sleeping dogs lie !”. Now, he agrees he should’ve thought about that while in the A. I felt I had to do it and at least clear the air when it comes to OBS not even knowing he is married to a person that is not committed to him at all. The less lies and secrecy about the A, the better ! I know he read my message but he never responded. I am not going to contact him again.

Anyway, my update so far. It’s a struggle. But we’ll get there!

blakesteele posted 10/14/2013 06:12 AM

Thanks for the glad you both are progressing, growing together.

The fog sucks...would not work for me either....if my wife remained in the fog...that period did considerable damage to our relationship...both within me and my wife.

With regards to my wifes doubt in my mind they are not progressing and growing....seen them up close and personal. However, in our case, the OM is not holding out hope to get back with my wife, my wife broke NC last fall, he did not respond, so he is the one that ended their A.... and is reportedly onto another woman. I do pray for them both...miserable way to live and it shows in the faces of their 5 kids. Unsure how his wife is dealing with this...but we all react differently to adultery.

My wife was not pleased when she learned I contacted his wife and gave her the emails and phone records...but has since accepted that it is the right thing to do.

Interesting how WS don't think their lies are as damaging as the truth is....that BS somehow put the respective families in MORE risk then they did via lying and having unprotected sex. Oddly, our counselor also urged me to NOT contact his wife....had a similar leave the sleeping dog lie attitude.

To be fair our counselor is not trained in infidelity...

[This message edited by blakesteele at 6:13 AM, October 14th (Monday)]

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