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maddmurph (original poster member #40940) posted at 10:19 AM on Monday, October 14th, 2013
I never understood that before now. It's the days I have problems with, it's the mornings before the sun comes up. Where I lay in bed wondering if I'm doing the right things. Seeing that I'm doing the 180 wrong. Rehashing everything in my head and obsessing.
Me - BS, 33
Her - WW, 33
DS 7, DD 3
brokensmile322 ( member #35758) posted at 11:52 AM on Monday, October 14th, 2013
I always take this to mean that it is darkest during our deepest struggle...and then comes the dawn...a new beginning.
I really think infidelity is one of the darkest things we can experience in life. I am not sure where you are on this journey....
But I am confident that you, too, shall find your dawn. Your dawn may or may not be with your WS....
Best.. 
Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl
"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."
SerJR ( member #14993) posted at 1:16 PM on Monday, October 14th, 2013
Funny thing about darkness... It only has power in the complete absence of anything else. The humblest candle dispels and holds the darkness at bay. And no matter how dark the night, promise is reborn with every day beginning anew. Today may not be the day. But today gifts you the opportunity to learn about yourself and to take a few steps. Today may not be the day. But it may prepare you for tomorrow. Today may not be the day. But it is the journey and who we become through that process that is the reward. Today may not be the day. But let's see what tomorrow brings.
Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.
Crushed1 ( member #6449) posted at 8:00 PM on Monday, October 14th, 2013
Obsessing is very normal in the beginning. Rehashing conversations, events, images, over and over and over is our mind's way of processing the trauma and shock and eventually gaining clarity.
Wondering if you are 'doing the right things'? If this is regarding WS, well, you don't really. Since they are supreme liars and deceivers, you don't really know what's in their thoughts or if they are just giving you lip-service to pacify you.
That's why the 180 is a focus on YOU, not them. It cuts off their control over you and ability to manipulate you. It's not a game, it's a life saving technique for yourself. You cannot be drawn into arguments (so they can have false vindication to run off to see op). You cannot be sucked into THEIR drama. You cannot be drained of energy by interacting with WS.
You cannot control what they are going to do, you can only control your reactions to them and by doing 180 you shut them out and shut them down.
~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH
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