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morethantrying posted 10/14/2013 04:30 AM

words of hope and/or help?

[This message edited by morethantrying at 4:30 AM, October 14th (Monday)]

cantaccept posted 10/14/2013 04:49 AM

Good morning more,

It is hard. No way around it. It seems the firsts are going to just be hard.

The only thing I would suggest is to do what you are comfortable with and to be very very clear with you h about what you need from him.

Our anniversary was in August. We made plans that were different than anything we did before. It helped.

We took a ride to another state, went to the beach, went browsing at some shops.

It was nice. We didn't really focus on it being our anniversary.

We talked a lot, didn't push it under the rug. That still seems to be the single most helpful thing to me, communication.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I guess different is good.

Today is my birthday, a tough day for me, last year vs. this year. We are going to New York for the day, again, something different.

Just talk to him, let him know how you feel. Let him know what will help you.

I hope it is easier for you than you anticipate.

Hope you have a peaceful day.

bionicgal posted 10/14/2013 08:19 AM

Our is Tuesday - - H is making the plans this year. I expect it to be emotional, but I am hoping to have some fun as well - -we deserve it!!

WeepingBuddhist posted 10/14/2013 08:50 AM

You will get through this. Talk to one another. Find out what each of you is expecting; what you are celebrating. Then maybe talk some more. Our anniversary was this past weekend. fWH didn't seem to understand how this could be so difficult for me--this is the best anniversary for him since he is so happy and grateful for the life we share! All part of his wonderful self-absorption but he is trying and things between us are so much better than they were a year ago. We had a nice time and it was hard at some moments but really amazing and lovely at others. Good luck.

blakesteele posted 10/14/2013 09:27 AM

Clear expectations expressed from both of you. Dont use this as any sort of test...neither of you are mind readers. Both of you are aware of the fragile state of your M. Playing the "I'll wait and see if he does the right thing" has a 99% chance of failure and inviting more hurt into an already bleeding relationship.

Find ways to express and reach out to each other regarding this day.

God be with you.

blakesteele posted 10/14/2013 09:29 AM

Hope?

My antiversary I walked our girls to school. It was a wonderful day for me in spite of the most dreadful day of my life occuring exactly 12 months prior.

My wedding anniversary was one of low expectations and specific expressions. It worked good as well.

I am living proof that these days don't have to be negative in feeling. I have not followed your journey, but have faith yours is similar to many on SI....glad you posted!

Keep the faith.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 9:29 AM, October 14th (Monday)]