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Newest Member: Saad (61538)

User Topic: Victimhood
♂ 38954
Member # 38954
Stop  Posted: 4:48 AM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My BS claims I am playing sort of victim role but all i hear is a victim. What should I do?

Posts: 275 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 40963
Member # 40963
Default  Posted: 5:38 AM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone who plays the victim always feels that other people or circumstances are their downfall. They never just admit their bad choices or roll in the bad situation. In an a affair, blaming your spouse or the bad relationship is playing the victim.

To stop playing the victim, focus on YOUR role. A bad relationship or poor treatment from a spouse can make you more vulnerable to an affair, but you and only you made the decision.

All of the mistakes in our lives come down to our weaknesses. We all have them, you aren't a bad person. But until you acknowledge your active role, you are playing the victim.

Posts: 118 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 36853
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you describe the statements or behaviors that lead your BS to feel you are playing a victim role?

fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.

I edit often to fix stuff ☺️

Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.

Posts: 1814 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
♂ 26859
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember being able to admit what I had done (to some degree), but for the longest time I had it in my head that it must have been someone else's fault, meaning whatever was wrong with me that led me to make the choice to have an A must have been because of something someone else had done to me. So, yes, I had an A, but it must have been because someone else screwed me up.

Eventually I realized that I was the common denominator in all of it. Even if something happened in the past led me to be who I was, I still am the one who made the decision. At any point along the spectrum, instead of going along with everything, I could have said enough is enough, but I didn't.

Is that sort of what your BS is saying you are doing?

WH - 46 (crap...)
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6114 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Tri-Cities
♀ 36684
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I lived here for a long time.
Always the victim, Wallowing in self pity.
Everything was someone else's fault.
It took some real self honesty, and self awareness to move out of that place.
To say I caused all of this, or at least mt actions contributed to this.
I'm not talking just infidelity.
I have a life long tendency to not take responsibility for my actions.

It was hard work but I did manage to get out of that mindset.

FWS me 38 (recovering addict)
BS him 41 AFrayedKnot
Together 10 years
2 children

"Your secrets keep you sick"

Posts: 1168 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
Topic Posts: 5

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