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Victimhood

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toasted22 posted 10/14/2013 04:48 AM

My BS claims I am playing sort of victim role but all i hear is a victim. What should I do?

breakingpoint posted 10/14/2013 05:38 AM

Someone who plays the victim always feels that other people or circumstances are their downfall. They never just admit their bad choices or roll in the bad situation. In an a affair, blaming your spouse or the bad relationship is playing the victim.

To stop playing the victim, focus on YOUR role. A bad relationship or poor treatment from a spouse can make you more vulnerable to an affair, but you and only you made the decision.

All of the mistakes in our lives come down to our weaknesses. We all have them, you aren't a bad person. But until you acknowledge your active role, you are playing the victim.

knightsbff posted 10/14/2013 09:22 AM

Can you describe the statements or behaviors that lead your BS to feel you are playing a victim role?

BaxtersBFF posted 10/15/2013 09:03 AM

I remember being able to admit what I had done (to some degree), but for the longest time I had it in my head that it must have been someone else's fault, meaning whatever was wrong with me that led me to make the choice to have an A must have been because of something someone else had done to me. So, yes, I had an A, but it must have been because someone else screwed me up.

Eventually I realized that I was the common denominator in all of it. Even if something happened in the past led me to be who I was, I still am the one who made the decision. At any point along the spectrum, instead of going along with everything, I could have said enough is enough, but I didn't.

Is that sort of what your BS is saying you are doing?

SurprisinglyOkay posted 10/15/2013 10:25 AM

I lived here for a long time.
Always the victim, Wallowing in self pity.
Everything was someone else's fault.
It took some real self honesty, and self awareness to move out of that place.
To say I caused all of this, or at least mt actions contributed to this.
I'm not talking just infidelity.
I have a life long tendency to not take responsibility for my actions.

It was hard work but I did manage to get out of that mindset.

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