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Worry, vent...the good and bad...

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befuzzled110 posted 10/14/2013 07:39 AM

I start my new job today. That's the great news. The sad news is it's not in the field I went to school for, so I am a little bummed. I am grateful, though, that working will bring me independence, the pay is really good. The freaking crazy shit is that I am all knots in my stomach. WH has been doing things that are hurtful to our recovery. And I haven't been brave enough to confront. So, while I am at work, I know that the thoughts of "what is he doing" will be flying threw my mind, and there's nothing I can do about it. I know, deep down, that I don't and can't (and really have no desire) to "control" what he does. I am angry because I can see where this is going to end up, and it's not in the favor of the marriage, or at least that is what I fear. I am stupid, in a sense, to have held on so long. I think I have done it because he was my means financially. Having a job will change that dynamic, and help me with what and how I handle things that I feel are disrespectful and hurtful. I am just a quagmire of different negative feelings today, even though I should be on cloud nine and proud of what I am about to embark on...Damn it.

AFrayedKnot posted 10/14/2013 09:33 AM

Congratulations on the new job. That is great that you are moving forward to stabilize yourself financially. I am sure there is fear but it will be such a relief having options.

Don't worry if it is not your field. New opportunities may come up in the future. I haven't worked in my field for 15 years and I am grateful almost every day.

tushnurse posted 10/14/2013 10:59 AM

Congrats on the new job.
I am a believer that things happen for a reason, and this may be why you are in such turmoil. If this job allows you to be more independent financially, then perhaps you will be able to be more independent emotionally as well, and have the strength to call WH out on his behaviors, and know that you will be ok no matter his response.

I hope you find you enjoy the work, and feel strong enough to do what you need to to find happy again.

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