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Newest Member: Flutur (61466)

User Topic: selfishness can change
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, as we realize, an A is a supremely selfish act. I am of the camp that although the selfishness is obvious, the WHY of a person being that selfish deserves exploration.

I always knew that my H was selfish. I even brought it up calmly with him every now and then and he never denied it but did absolutely nothing to change. I knew that he had a crappy childhood (although not just HOW crappy). Everything was always about him and what he could get out of it. I just dealt with it, for the most part, although at times it did really bug me and also it bothered the kids. (they would say, "Dad, you are SO selfish!!" and he would shrug). Big things and little things. Little things like he would always want to try my food before his own at a restaurant, and always want a bite of my candy bar and then eat half. Big things like he didn't want to join in family game night or family outings unless it was something he particularly enjoyed.

Anyway. Since the A, when all of his lifelong defenses came down and the history of CSA came out he has done a 180. He is just so giving and generous now. This weekend it was so apparent. We went away, as tradition, up north to leaf peep and hike, bike, etc. He has a cold, but even so since he knew I wanted to hike he did this challenging hike to the best of his ability, even though it was killing him and never once complained. Every restaurant he was pushing me to take the last bite of whatever, sharing his food. Refused to take any of mine unless I pushed. Made a point to please me sexually twice a day even though he was tired.

I thanked him for all this, of course, and asked him if this would change when he felt he had done his "penance". He replied that no, he had really changed and this is who he is now.

And wow do I love it!

Dday -9/23/2012

Posts: 2309 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
♀ 40157
Member # 40157
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay! I'm so happy for you. What a fantastic post.

Me 36- BW
Him 37- WH 6 month EA pushing PA.
DDAY- 7/2/13
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. -Gandhi
Pls forgive weird sentences and spelling mistakes, I post from my phone and autocorrect hates me.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: US
♀ 40915
Member # 40915
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Thank you for this post. I needed to be reminded of just how far my fWH has come with his own struggles to be less selfish.

It's Thanksgiving weekend and I think today. I will try to just focus on being thankful for all that is good in my life and I will try to "sprinkle" in some gratefulness for the changes I have seem in fWH.

Lovely post!

BS (Me) - 47
WS(Him) -48

Married 23 years - together for 29 years

DDay - June 10th 2012 then TT'd-June 2012 - July 2012 (and beyond????)
2 amazing children

"Understanding love is one of the hardest things in life." - Fred Rogers

Posts: 103 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 39439
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, a great post. Nice to read something so uplifting and positive. Sometimes it seems there is only negative on here. I hope you continue to thrive and be happy.
Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow Canadian SI's.

And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1877 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks ladies! I do try to post positively now and then.

And I have spent a Canadian Thanksgiving years ago. Our son was actually born in Quebec.

Happy Thanksgiving and we could all use more gratitude in our lives!

Dday -9/23/2012

Posts: 2309 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
Topic Posts: 5

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