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iAmAMess0809 posted 10/14/2013 09:46 AM

So my SIL is scheduled to fly in this weekend. She knows everything about the EA I had, and then my BW called her Friday night and told her she had just learned it was also physical.

She is supposed to spend at least one night at our house, and that is still happening. I don't know how to face her. My BW has thankfully decided not to tell her parents in case she decides to attempt reconciliation. I am going to be expected to spend time with everyone probably have dinner with everyone, etc.

I am looking for advice on how to handle this being that it will only have been a week since I confessed everything to my BW. It is just so fresh and I don't know how to face my SIL.

wifehad5 posted 10/14/2013 13:09 PM

What was your relationship with her like before this?

Because she knows whats going on, I think this is something you need to face head on. Have a conversation with her when she gets there, admit what you did and talk about what you are doing to fix it. Apologize for hurting her sister and her by extension. Ask for her support for her sister. Make it about your BW, and not you.

lost_in_toronto posted 10/14/2013 13:28 PM

My WS and my sister were really good friends, even before I met him. She was devastated when she found out about the A. Because they were friends, she felt a betrayed by him as well.

I believe wifehad5 gave great advice. My WS confronted the issue head on with my sister. He couldn't do that face to face because we are far away; instead, he called her and spoke to her at length about everything. He took the time to apologize to her for hurting her and our family with his actions, as well as hurting me. He asked for her to give him time to make amends. He did not ask for forgiveness, only for her to keep an open heart.

I know that was a really hard phone call for him to make, but it went a long way to healing their relationship. It will never be quite the same, but it is again friendly, loving and strong.

It will be really tough, but will show your BW and your SIL that you are willing to face the consequences of your actions in order to reconcile. Good luck.

breakingpoint posted 10/14/2013 17:36 PM

Your wife confided in her as a confident, but not as a participant in the relationship. Her job is to support the family, not enter in her own opinions and complicate the healing process.

I say talk to her before she comes. Apologize, thank her for her support, and ask that the visit be about her visit...not private issues.

I have confidants and so does my husband, but none are invited to enter the conversation between us.

iAmAMess0809 posted 10/14/2013 20:57 PM

Thanks for the advice everyone. I will have a talk with her this week. I want to keep it simple and get into details with her, but I do want to let her know that I am remorseful and am taking steps to fix myself.