I passed D-Day at the end of September, and I think things have been going well. Back in March found out that my wife had an A with a co-worker for about a month and change. It took two days to get the truth from her, but she finally admitted to everything after I told her that the cell phone company was sending me a dump of her texts for the last two months (obviously they didn't). We had a tense discussion to decide what we were doing, and she had wanted to fix our marriage which was what I wanted. We immediately began counseling, but about a month into therapy, I found out that they still had contact via an e-mail system set up by the OM, and this was the first time in my life I wanted to commit violence against another human being (OM). My wife showed me that the communication had ended almost as soon as it had started, and this POS had no regrets or shame- my wife told me that when she went to end everything after we began counseling, his response was "well, I guess I'll just go back to my regular life"! I was told by my friends and by my counselor not to contact the OM because it would just open wounds and that the OM might try to re-establish contact again just for spite.I've never run from conflict in my life, but this is what I was doing. We wound up selling our house and moving 100 miles away because we both wanted a fresh start (we had both quit our jobs- she on D-Day and me a couple months later). I finally texted the OM a couple of months ago through an old email address. I sent a message about the affair and didn't use our names to see the response, and his first question was "who is this"! How many mens' wives have you slept with? I admitted to the contact at our session, and my wife was clearly embarrassed to discover that this guy who told her he loved her (she admitted that they used the L word) had basically played her all along, and she obviously wasn't the only one.
So the reason that I pass all this along is to tell you folks that there is a future. At this point, we have been rebuilding our lives- new jobs and a new outlook on our future together. Our dysfunctional sex life is vastly different, more "normal" than ever. We've revisited our "friendships" with others- the people who knew what happened were very supportive, while some people we considered very good friends too a "hands-off" approach when we told them we were having marriage problems. The end result - we are a stronger couple with a great support system in place.
I have to admit that I did a lot of spying on my wife in the months after the A came out, and she has always stood up to my scrutiny - I've searched her computer, her cell phone and never found a thing since D-Day. After 5 months of spying, I have reeled it back. I am wary but not paranoid as I was back at the first few months. I would welcome feedback, and I am happy to discuss further, so feel free.