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Is it smart to direct fws to Articles

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hdhs3 posted 10/14/2013 13:25 PM

We are 2 years post D-Day and approx 15 months into R, however, I believe we both remain in our respective version of "The Fog". I am wondering what peoples experience is on suggesting/insisting that the FWS read some of the same things I've been reading, both here and on the Marriage Advocates site - some really good stuff on what is really going on in an Affair, something different than true love as affair partners think they experience, my concern is it can create tension, which has a chilling affect on intimacy, as my FWS is not particularly remorseful. God Bless You all.

libertyrocks posted 10/14/2013 13:28 PM

I would print and highlight the important stuff and leave it for him to read on the counter. I had to make sure the font big with bright yellow and be sure not to make it too long. He's not much of a reader. Then, he would tell me what he read, how he felt and we would discuss it. It really helped because my fWH was able to respond and process alone rather than feeling attacked or on the spot. This is a great idea.

SecondHelping posted 10/14/2013 15:28 PM

Once my fWW became remorseful, I would send her links to articles on SI and other sites I've joined. She has read most of them and ended up joining SI.

However, if you WS is not remorseful, I think you are wasting your time.

silentheart posted 10/14/2013 17:34 PM

Thanks for posting this. I was wondering the same thing. DD for me was 14 months ago and R has been very tough and we have almost ended things for good several times. Only recently has my BF seen what this has done to me and says he is willing to do whatever it takes to help me to heal. I have been thinking of asking him to read some things or join SI.

blakesteele posted 10/14/2013 17:54 PM

I was big on this...but realized it is not healthy for me. My wife is a big girl...can read and share her journey on her own. For us it is counterproductive for me to do this....I still slip up and send her a link every now and then. Generally this results in no "ah-ha" moments for her.

My energy is better spent on other tasks.

I am 13 months out, 4 months into tentative R. Our pre-A M was characterized by me gathering and my wife I also have a bias there...need to break this cycle as it feeds into both of our FOO is very comfortable to us but has proven to be equally unhealthy.

Thought I needed to add that.

God be with us all.

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