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Total backfire.

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Nailinmyheart posted 10/14/2013 17:38 PM

I printed out the note on how it feels to be cheated on and gave it to my wife. Because see she expects me to just forget about it. Oh i'm supposed to forget that at 38 years old i find out i am going to be disabled for the rest of my life. i'm an athlete a construction worker. basically i was superman.

So after my son is 6 years old she decides to tell me she dosen't love me the same and leaves for me my son her animals.

I don't know how i got thru those 2 years alone, God was there.

Then she came running back after he threatened to kill her and cut off her bosses fingers. yea he was a nice guy.

So she cried and asked me to protect her. And I took her back for my son. Which now i think was a mistake. but i can't make it on my disability check alone.

So it's been a while and she says i've been mean, well i looked into this site and found out why.
When she came back alot of promises were made. and not kept.
So i showed her that article on how much it hurts to be cheated on and how much the spouse needs to be the one to help out.

Well it backfired, it was all about how much i hurt her with that article and that I won't just forgive and forget.
Do you know that the guy she had the affair with was 5 years ago and he had more sex with my wife then i have in 10 years!
I don't want sex but a hug would be nice. I don't think we have touched in years.

I guess i'm getting old because i stayed in denial, but all we are are roomates. she writes the occasional love letter which means nothing to me, because i got one of those just before her affair.

There is no purpose to this post. just that i am so depressed, i feel sick. I knew she was selfish but this is beyond.

i need friends I need help.
Steve

SpiderGrl posted 10/14/2013 18:23 PM

Nail- I'm sorry you are hurting again. Heal yourself first! Read as much as you can in the healing library (top left side). I am sorry you are hurting so. Noone deserves being manipulated.

unfound posted 10/14/2013 19:04 PM

Welcome to SI Nailinmyheart.

She said that the article you gave her hurt her? Please don't buy into that. She turned it around to put blame on you in order to avoid facing what she did. Forgiveness won't come if she isn't able to show remorse.

There's a great thread down in the "I Can Relate" forum for betrayed men. They're a great bunch and will welcome you with open arms and help you through this with their experience.

Keep reading and posting where ever you feel comfortable. You'll find support through this.

SerJR posted 10/14/2013 19:22 PM

You did not hurt her with this article.
She felt hurt because she was exposed to the truth of her actions.
She felt hurt, because she feels threatened that she may not be the person she wants to believe she is.
She felt hurt, because it is easier to blame and minimise you than it is to look inwards and work on herself.
This has nothing to do with you.

You need to think about what you want out of this relationship. You need to share that with her. And you need to be willing to stand up for your needs.

You don't need to decide what you want today. But you can take steps forward in your life with the 180 to rebuild your power.

You're not alone Nailin...
And you are gonna be okay.

whiteflower99 posted 10/14/2013 19:45 PM

Welcome.
Sorry you are here in the club no one wants to join.
It sucks, but it DOES get better.

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