The best analogy I've heard is to compare the WS to a bucket with a hole in it. No matter how much you try to fill the bucket (that is, with love) it will never be enough because something is fundamentally wrong with the bucket.
Your WH's actions are, indeed, a reflection on him alone. He has refused to face reality and has tried to run away from it. The funny thing is, that no matter how far and how fast you run, you can never outrun yourself without losing yourself. It's a self propogating, downward spiral.
Love requires vulnerability. It requires being the true you. Your WH does not like what he sees when he catches that reflection. If you deny who you are, you can't give of yourself.
You, however, do deserve to be treated with respect and reciprocity and love. And your children deserve a mother who will respect herself and show them how a functional adult deals with adversity.
Hang in there whatamidoing. Stay smart. Stay strong. Stay true to yourself.
You will find your future.