Good advice simplydevastated....kinda what my wife has offered to me, kinda what I already knew.
Man, I just want to save them from this hurt and pain...looking back to our pre-A marriage, we missed such easy flags to see!
We know better, so we can do better. Is a motto I like.
Perhaps marital issues and figuring out how to resolve them is something people have to figure out on their own, the hard way. Like I did with how to handle money....I had to screw up on credit cards before I figured out how to NOT have them as part of my life. I heard people warn me but thought...yeah, but I am smarter then that, I wont get in over my head.
Thanks for the input...believe you and my wife are right on the mark.
My friend does and has opened up to me...just recently he admitted he doesn't ask his wife How Are You Feeling? in an open ended format....he half jokingly says he is afraid to hear her answer. Some of the same patterns they are experiencing are what we are experiencing. Not sure if it matters but he is a child of an alcoholic as is my wife. His wife is a very activity-oriented, busy person....so am I.
There life is activity heavy and relationship light. So was ours until things in our life settled down....when this happened, my wife chose to have her A. I do think a person can busy themselves so much that they don't pause to really evaluate their relationships. In our case this pause came when our girls were both getting ready to go into school, a loved one passed that we had been caring for, and my wife and I are both entering middle-age (a time for a person to naturally pause and reevaluate their life).
Lots of factors at play within a marriage....so its not possible to say any one pattern led us to this spot. This is what I remind myself of with regards to my friend and his marriage...there is much more going on then can be relayed over the phone.
Radical honesty. This seems to be one of the strongest keys to making a relationship work. This is something both my wife and I did not do throughout our relationship together....not just my wife lying during her A.
God be with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 5:41 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)]