Topic: XH's body found
Member # 7168
| Posted: 10:56 PM, October 14th (Monday), 2013|
Just notified today.
Believed to be a drug overdose...found behind a closed store after being dumped there by user "friends" two months ago.
Plethora of emotions...knew this was likely coming but didnt expect it quite like this. Dont know how to process it....dont know how to help my boys who, although they havent had contact with him in 13 years, are having trouble with it.
And how to do this with regards to the man who HAS been here all this time and who HAS been Dad to them....
Posts: 7713 | Registered: May 2005
Member # 18449
| Posted: 10:58 PM, October 14th (Monday), 2013|
How horrific!! I think all you CAN do is be there for your boys.
Posts: 11868 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 32554
| Posted: 11:00 PM, October 14th (Monday), 2013|
Oh my word! Uncharted is right. I'm so sorry.
Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 209
| Posted: 11:02 PM, October 14th (Monday), 2013|
oh my goodness truth....must be so much shock and mixed emotions to process all at once.
sending a ton of strength to you and your boys.
Two boys: 18 and 15
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
Posts: 25681 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Member # 33226
| Posted: 11:04 PM, October 14th (Monday), 2013|
(((((truth and boys))))) Sending you strength and peace, honey. Take it as it comes.
You can call me NIK
"The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it." - Brene Brown
Posts: 35346 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 11939
| Posted: 4:32 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
(((((truth and boys))))) You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Married a truly wonderful and loving man Sept. 19, 2010. Not only survived, but thrived.
My new mantra: Argue Your Limitations.
Posts: 40985 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Canada by way of Virginia
Member # 18522
| Posted: 5:14 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
2 kids: DD16 and DS19
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
Posts: 7989 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Member # 16024
| Posted: 5:42 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
I'm sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts.
Suppressing your feelings only locks them in place.
Posts: 48724 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 15162
| Posted: 5:46 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
FBH - 44
FWW - 45 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 8 & 14
The people you do your life with shape the life you live
Posts: 42578 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Member # 2
| Posted: 6:50 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
Oh my God
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Posts: 207632 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 30024
| Posted: 7:07 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
I am so sorry. That is horrible. Not many really deserve to die and be treated that way.
BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4-7yrs. /fucking & flirting)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
Posts: 11955 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 27871
| Posted: 7:43 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
(((((Truth)))) no words!
Him:55 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.
Posts: 770 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas
Member # 31528
| Posted: 8:05 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
Posts: 44515 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 7168
| Posted: 8:27 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
I saw it on the news and thought "how sad!" - that police didnt even know who it was.
And then to get the call...
I was the first person they were trying to call. ??? We've been divorced for 15 years!
Its such mixed emotions because Ive had to basically hide from him all those years. Restraining orders, court petitions to protect the kids, warnings to teachers every year, code words with the kids, the list goes on and on - things that are so abnormal yet were normal. These last years when he couldnt find us he began to torment my parents. It has frightened my dad so badly thatt he has began to carry a gun with him *everywhere*. And he's not really healthy enough to be doing that, if you kwim.
And now its suddenly over. Just like that.
And its a relief.
And its incredibly sad.
And Im mad that I still "cleaning up".
And I dont care.
And I feel so sorry for him.
And I keep checking the news to see if its updated, if the name has been released, to know if its really real...
So how am I suppose to walk the boys through this??? DS23 was in tears last night. Very unusual for him. Its just all so convuluted. Hes feeling guilty. ????
Posts: 7713 | Registered: May 2005
Member # 26651
| Posted: 8:34 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
(((truth & boys)))
Me: FBW/33 The kidlets: DS15, DS12, and DD9 The hounds: Four Shih Tzu's The felines: Two short haired kitteh's
God dwells within her; she cannot be destroyed. From the very break of day, God will protect her.~Psalm 46:5
Posts: 11764 | Registered: Dec 2009
Member # 27196
| Posted: 8:39 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
I'm so sorry truthsetmefree.
Yes, I'm sure you are in unchartered territory and it must be extremely difficult.
I don't really know much about your situation, so this may not be helpful, but as the mother of a mentally ill drug addict, may I suggest that maybe just focus on the illnesses that your ex battled rather than the personal pain he caused you and your family? Maybe that would help to deflect some of the personal pain your children might be experiencing?
me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 34 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk
Posts: 7192 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Member # 10180
| Posted: 8:44 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
(((truth))) (((truth boys)))
I am so very sorry. The finality of it is likely what is hitting your boys so hard. The fact that "dad" will never recover and be like the other Dad's they know of. I cannot imagine the stress it is putting on you to try to support them and navigate your own emotions.
Prayers and positive thoughts for you and your boys.
Posts: 1635 | Registered: Mar 2006
Member # 7168
| Posted: 9:19 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
may I suggest that maybe just focus on the illnesses that your ex battled rather than the personal pain he caused you and your family?
I started here. I think as much because I'm a mother that fears having a son with mental illness and addiction. It's a daily prayer and has been for years. It's the ONLY place I can find compassion for XH.
I sat one time in the middle of my hallway with a loaded gun and my 6 & 10 year old babies hiding in the bath tub while my XH (divorced 4 yrs at that point) was trying to get in every door. It was a turning point for me that day because I *know* I would have - could have - shot him. Before that I was always afraid that having a gun could be turned on me.
I protected the boys from so much, from knowing so much. So in a weird way, of course they're grieving. And in a not so weird way - of course they are grieving.
But seeing him, essentially, hurt them now is not striking the compassion chord. I'm almost back in that hallway.
I'm a mess. I know this isn't about me. But I need to get cleared out so I can best help the boys. I'm also very concerned that this is going to bring out resentment for me for cutting him out of their lives.
Ironically, burial arrangements will fall to the boys since they are next of kin. I'm even pissed that they have to deal with that on ANY level.
Thanks for giving me a place to talk this out....
[This message edited by truthsetmefree at 9:22 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)]
Posts: 7713 | Registered: May 2005
Member # 17460
| Posted: 9:20 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
This rendered me speechless.
Addictions are unfathomable and I fear this will be my X's demise as well.
Praying for strength for you and your family.
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!
Posts: 21288 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Member # 34755
| Posted: 9:25 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013|
I am so very sorry to hear this.
My father passed away last February from a drug overdose. They found him after 2 days. We don't know if it was intentional or not.
I had not had contact with him most of my life, however, I had to help, along with my half sister who also had no contact with him, take care of his affairs. We flew out of state for his funeral even.
It was very hard for me. My father was a pedophile, a drug addict and so much more. My mother left him when I was 2 and I've only had very sporadic phone contact with him during my life. The last being when I was 20 and then when I was 32 for health reasons.
His death brought out a lot of pain in ME. I did not handle it well at all. My mother was an amazing support to me. When I called her after we went to the funeral home to pick up his ashes and I was holding him in my lap I lost it. She was my rock.
Focus on your boys...let them talk about what they are feeling. Offer emotional support. Offer to just...be with them I any way that they need it.
The wounds in me ran deep with my father, and his death really messed me up. I still have a million questions in my head, but, there is no way to answer them, and that's the hardest of all.
BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
|Topic Posts: 58|