Yep, I am truly sad for EXH today. Sad because he can't open his eyes and see what a precious gift he is slowly losing.
Every day his Son thinks about him a little less, gets a little less excited to see him, and cares a little less. He no longer talks about his dad anymore; he no longer waits for him to come home.
It was very telling this weekend when I asked him if he wanted a quick breakfast so he could spend more time with his dad or wait half an hour or so I could go out and pick up some groceries and make a big breakfast. He shrugged and said he really didn't care either way.
Ex had a whole week to spend with DS and then he will be gone for nearly two months. He started out strong and then things petered out. He took a day 'off' because he was sick. He only took him for 2 hours for supper on Friday; he chose not to go to DS' run on Saturday because it was an hour away. (Yet I went). He was leaving on Sunday and made no attempt to do anything with him Saturday night. It made me so angry at first, but now it makes me sad.
So this is to my Ex:
You are losing the love and respect of your son. You are no longer Daddy, the hero the role model. You are becoming something more like a fun uncle or someone that drops in from time to time but is quickly forgotten once gone.
If you could stop putting your own selfish wants and needs before those of your son, you would see what an amazing intelligent boy he is, you would be entertained by his sense of humor and quick wit, you would be astounded at his knowledge of the world, his desire to become something important. You would be in awe of his accomplishments, his athletics in the face of a condition that should have held him back, his high marks in school, and his extracurricular accomplishments. Did you know he wants to go into politics one day? Did you know he is joining student committees, junior leadership executive, junior teaching positions? He is becoming so much more than I had ever dreamed when I carried him for those nine months.
Do you listen to his interests or celebrate his accomplishments. I have his artwork on my office walls, pictures of us together on my desk. He is in my mind and heart every day. All my free time is spent doing things with and for him. I am his loudest supporting cheerleader!
Why canít you put in the effort to talk to him? You cannot ask a teenager how his day was or what he does in school because you will get non replies. You have to push and prod and not give up, let him know that you want to know what is on his mind, what his dreams are. Let him know that you value all that he is and you are not just someone who shows up when you have nothing else to do.
One day this boy will be something great and I will carry the memory of his journey in my heart. It fills me with love and pride, makes me feel like my life has such meaning and I am better because of it. I wish you could open your eyes and share in this feeling as well. But I guess you are limited by your own failures and shortcomings. Your insecurities lead you to turn your eyes from the things that are important to those which are so fleeting and transient.
There was a time that I hated you and wanted you to leave us alone. Now I wish you would turn around and come back, not to me, but to your child. And it makes me so very sad.