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Is marriage counseling working??

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dana1234 posted 10/15/2013 08:54 AM

I'm 8 months out from d-day. We have been in MC since the first week, second therapist. We go every Monday and the tension between us is worse as we drive there. After, one of us is normally angry or upset and it seems like why do this anymore? Anyone else question MC and if it's working or not? How do you know??

SpiderGrl posted 10/15/2013 09:03 AM

I would think there would be a bigger red flag if you were leaving feeling loving and validated. I have the attitude that if MC is working it breaks down the old house to make room for the new one. It is painful but each broken "brick" that gets removed makes room for a new stronger brick.

Now, if you feel your MC isn't compatible or is not ultimately helping to rebuild, maybe shop for another one.

SpiderGrl posted 10/15/2013 09:06 AM

I meant to add that we (I) generally leave with red eyes and a drippy nose(eew) but we ultimately get a feeling of being one baby step closer to a better M.

SorrowBhindSmile posted 10/15/2013 09:22 AM

This has happened to me as well. In fact, about a month ago, we left MC and i cried the whole way home and just ripped my WH a new one.

The thing about MC (for me anyways) is that we are talking about all the wrong.....what is broken and needs to be fixed. That's painful shit right there. Its HARD to look at yourself and see the flaws...its hard to look at your partner and see the flaws. And it totally sucks knowing you have to go to MC because someone cheated. Then you get pissed off. Its quite the roller coaster.

For me, i feel that MC is working because of the following...
i tend to leave MC in a better place more often than not. Yes, I am very sad and upset many times when i leave...but after i have had some time to process what we have talked about, and i step back and look at the bigger picture, i know i am stronger and much better off now. The sad and upset feeling generally doesn't last but for the day...and i am usually ready to face my week.

I really do like my MC and while the work we do is very hard....i know it is work that needs to be done. It is sad, and it is difficult...but in the end i know i am better off.

littledebbie posted 10/15/2013 10:02 AM

All I can say is just hang in there. There were weeks where we would go and although we would have a pretty good week, a day or two before MC we would have an argument or I would trigger, so we felt very stuck, like we couldn't get past a certain point. A lot of it was me, I wanted things to progress faster than they were, we were making progress it was just taking a while for us to really see it. Don't give up, it will get better just be patient.

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