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You never will get it - vent to stbxh

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lost4now posted 10/15/2013 09:37 AM

Sorry.....I have to get it out! I really want to explain this to STBXH but it would be a monumental waste of my breath!

STOP trying to force your 18 year old daughter to see you and talk to you!!!! JUST STOP BEING A BULLY! You are pushing her away. You are not allowing her to have her own thoughts and feelings. When you TELL her that she has to come to dinner with you, you are telling her she doesn't have choices. When you tell her that your five year affair only hurt her mom, you are telling her that she is insignificant. When you tell her that marriage takes two people and her mom is partially to blame, you show her that you are not remorseful and you are not taking responsibility for your actions. She is afraid to put her heart and feelings in your hands because she watched what you did to me and she saw me crushed. She doesn't trust you. She is afraid of you doing the same thing to her!!! OWN YOUR POOR CHOICES. STOP PLACING BLAME ON OTHERS. TELL HER HOW SORRY YOU ARE FOR HURTING HER! Your relationship with your daughter is about the two of you. NOT ME!!! Realize that she is heart broken too. You disappointed her! She wanted you to save us! And you failed us and her! She wanted our family and thought you did to. You said you did too but you threw it all away!!!

She is angry and hurt. Her heart is broken!!! Acknowledge that much and you MIGHT get somewhere you stupid ass!!!! Before it is too late!!!!!!!

jackfish posted 10/15/2013 10:07 AM

Very well put! Many of the same thoughts I'd like to get out to my stbxw are summarized well here.

I am so sorry he is doing this to you and your daughter. Your daughter is 18 and sounds intelligent enough to know what he's doing to her. How about the same type dipshits who "bully" their YOUNG kids, where the kids are taught to "listen to mommy and daddy". Very sad, no wonder so many kids are effed up these days!

Stay strong L4N.

nowiknow23 posted 10/15/2013 10:21 AM


Shockleader posted 10/15/2013 10:26 AM

Been exactly where you are... My DD is 18 too, and what her POS birther told her was astounding. Like you, she even minimized DD feelings completely... An exact quote to DD when she was 17, months after D-day was:

"I don't see how this affects/effects you"... Moments after that my daughter collapsed crying convulsively, and needed swift intervention. DD also heard POS tell me/her so much other parental alienation crap that it is/was nothing short of emotional terrorism.

Bad enough these fucking cowards can blameshift/re-write, do anything to be the misunderstood victim to absolve themselves of behavior they would have never wished for themselves, driven by the spouse to break their word/vows; even worse they will without compunction drag their very own children into the den of lies, deceit, and pain... BASTARDS!

These WEAK, remorseless coward, bully cheaters are scum, and I have absolutely no problem calling it as it is. Good luck lost, and know you are not alone, and these POS cheaters all follow the same un-inventive script... Good riddance!

dmari posted 10/15/2013 10:40 AM

(((((lost4now and DD))))) This is exactly how I feel too. Thank you for venting on behalf of many of us!!

They. just. don't. get. it. and. never. will.

Merlin posted 10/15/2013 10:55 AM

My ex-wife does the same thing. She basically tells our kids (16, 19, 21) that the court says they MUST adhere to the custody and visitation sections of our divorce decree.

They want very little to do with her, despite my encouragement to honor her as their mother.

Treating your children like outlaws is not endearing any of them to her.

What a surprise.

[This message edited by Merlin at 10:55 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)]

StillStanding1 posted 10/15/2013 10:55 AM

So sorry that we are going through the exact same things. Just want to let you know you are heard and have every right to be angry at how he is disregarding your DD and her feelings.

My WH is the same. My oldest kids found out about his A 6 months before I did. DD(then 16) confronted him last September. He asked her what she wanted him to do. Since she didn't know how to respond, he just let her deal with it while he kept on keeping on. Selfish bastard, right?

I've heard him say "they'll get over it". He has NO IDEA what he's done to them. When he had a joint session with her shrink in March, he told her how difficult it was for him to choose between 2 beautiful women. Poor bastard. My heart really goes out to him. As do my children's... of course he's entitled to find happiness for himself and more passionate, exciting sex, no matter if he had made commitments to kids and a wife, right? Great example he's setting...

Sorry for my own vent. I'm in a BAD mood today and your rant just got me even more riled up.

I just can't believe how freaking selfish they are!!!!

lost4now posted 10/15/2013 11:03 AM

Sadly, at 13 years of age my daughter overheard my STBXH and I fighting over the OW. She heard things I never wish she heard. At that time it was supposedly only an EA, though now I am not so sure. We sat down with her and my STBXH cried and told her how much he loved us, loved her sister, loved the family. He told her how sorry he was, that he would not talk to the OW any more and that he was going to be the dad she deserved and he would be a better husband. Then he continued his affair.

What KILLS me is that he continues to BLAME me for poisoning her. He continues to believe that I AM TELLING HER the details of his affair. He has brought the five year OW into his life now and I can't explain this shit away. What am I to do? Lie to her and tell her that it's not the woman who helped destroy our family?

Doesn't he think his daughter is smart enough to realize what has gone on all on her own? Does he want me to look like a liar and a doormat to his daughter? That would be great! She would have a lying doormat mom and a lying cheating father!!!! She is truly blessed! Just a bit of sarcasm there!

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