My husband asked me this last night as we laid in bed watching TV together. Is he doing everything he could to meet my needs? Is there anything else he can do to be better at meeting them?
Thing is? He *IS* doing everything I need him to do, and I told him so.
I think he was a little worried, because I’ve been in a bit of a funk for a couple of days. Not a big one, and absolutely NOTHING related to him. I think the monsoon we just got out of contributed, a couple stressful days on Friday and Saturday that had to do with our homeschool co-op, not him, and our water heater died yesterday morning (has since been fixed). Plus, though I had an ablation and haven’t had a period in about 2 1/2 years, I still get PMS symptoms, I just never know exactly when they may strike since I can’t track my cycles anymore.
He *IS* meeting my needs however. He’s been very supportive. He understands my triggers when I have them. We talk all the time. He spends so much more time with me than he EVER did before. He encourages me, he validates things that I do either with the kids or around the house. He appreciates me and thanks me. He is affectionate and loving. He compliments me all the time, and I do not doubt their sincerity at all. He’s even been making me coffee every morning before he leaves for work. He THINKS about me now. He checks in with me during the day, when he comes home, he asks about my day, how did I sleep, and how am I feeling. I feel safe with him.
It’s funny, even my dreams have changed, and that is how I know, even subconsciously I feel safer with him. Before, I’d have dreams where I was in a situation completely beyond my control. Like in a speeding car careening down a high way towards oncoming traffic and all I could do was sit and wait for the inevitable crash. Or dreams where I was falling off of a cliff and all I could do was wait for the impact. In my dreams and then when I woke I would feel utterly out of control, anxious and scared to death.
Last week however, I had a dream and in it, I was flying. Soaring, like a bird. And not once did I start to fall. I had complete control over my body, where I was going and how to lift off properly without falling down off of that cliff. In my dream, I flew over several cliffs, and saw beautiful scenery. When I’d start to fly low, I knew how to climb up again. No fear, no anxiety and in control. I felt safe. When I woke up I immediately noticed the huge difference in my dreams. I think this is huge.
So, is he meeting my needs? Yes, he is. We are firmly in reconciliation and recovery. I’m so glad to be here and that our hard work has been paying off.
