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User Topic: Just cancelled a policy I didn't know about
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just cancelled a life ins policy I didn't know about.

Part of my dysfunction allowed STBX to abuse me financially. As our marriage deteriorated I foolishly gave up financial control. It got to a point where I didn't even see bank statements for my own accounts. Not even my credit card statements. So I was unaware that a $250,000 life insurance policy had been taken out on me.

As this divorce has progressed I'm taking back control of my life. Even now I'm still clearing the fog from my brain & seeing my world more clear every day. One of those visions that's been coming clearer was that I had an automatic withdrawal coming out of my bank account every few months. I didn't know what it was. I've been doing some investigating but coming up empty. Finally my bank did some detective work for me (because this automatic withdrawal kept putting my account into negative territory!), found out it was for life insurance. So just now I called, found out about the policy, then cancelled it.

Good grief. This just never ends. I hope STBX wasn't planning to kill me. I hope all this was is just me signing something he told me to sign years ago, and me not remembering I signed it. Or maybe this is something that I did all on my own years ago and I've forgotten about it.

Feeling so down right now. I just want to slap myself. How could I have let this happen??? How could I have allowed myself to be SO utterly destroyed??? Doggone it! I was better than this!!!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10154 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((NG))))


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26545 | Registered: Aug 2011
pmal64
♀ 13551
Member # 13551
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hugs!
on a side note, was it a whole life policy that maybe had some cash value?


.:~*~:. .:~*~:..:~*~:. .:~*~:..:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:..:~*~:.
BS-me-50
fWH -54

Posts: 582 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: down south
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, if it was a policy I instigated, no, it wouldn't have been a whole life policy. I'm a term life kind of gal. If STBX instigated it, who knows what it was. He couldn't understand a financial conversation to save his life.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10154 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
7yrsflushed
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DO you think it's possible the policy was put in place WITHOUT your signature? I would call back and ask to see the documentation and the signature sheet where you agreed to the policy and the automatic withdrawal agreement you signed. Tell them if they can't produce it you want your all of your money back. Maybe it's non-starter and not even worth the hassle but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask the question.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 2:50 PM, October 15th (Tuesday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1943 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
nutmegkitty
♀ 33882
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you have put a stop to that. One more step forward.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2624 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's a great question! I hadn't even thought of that.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10154 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Softcentre
39166
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um, scary! Might it be worth informing him that it's been cancelled?

Um, is this financial abuse?

WH took over the finances in the early years after I asked him to, but by the time of DDay:

1. He knew the passwords to our online accounts, I didn't and when I asked he put me off, in a nice way. It took a couple of weeks in MC for him to give them to me.

2. He got all the money out, so I never saw the balance via the cash machine

3. When I did look, I found we were in overdraft which he knew I didn't want

4. Months later I discovered secret credit cards with large balances

5. We remortgaged 6 months before DDay, significantly increasing our debt...which I would never have done if I'd known about the A


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1118 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I've contacted my bank to ask when these automatic withdrawals first began.

By amazing coincidence, I got a call from a bank in another state (I used to reside there long ago) telling me about some funds in an account which were about to be escheated. So just now I emailed a signed letter from me requesting that the account be closed and the funds forwarded to me. What's bizarre is that I mailed this bank a letter five years ago asking for the funds to be mailed to me and the account closed. At that time STBX was fully controlling the mail, so it would have been him I handed the envelope to so he could put a stamp on it and put it in the mail box. (Yes, he was so controlling he wouldn't even let me have stamps, he controlled the stamps, too. And the f-ing envelopes. He wouldn't let me have envelopes. I had to ask for envelopes & provide a valid reason for wanting them. Same with the stamps.).

I guess he never mailed that letter five years ago.

I'm kicking myself that I let this happen.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10154 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Celticlass
♀ 39518
Member # 39518
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nature Girl, I am so sorry this is happening to you. Hang in there and deal with one thing at a time.....you will kick ass

Also, don't beat yourself up over the stuff in the past......it's not where you live. You are creating a better, stronger you and that is what is important now. Many hugs




Posts: 72 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Lone Star State
donotlietome
♀ 26478
Member # 26478
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He had to have forged your signature. Can't buy Life Insurance on someone else without their signature. Make that company get you copy of original application.

Posts: 206 | Registered: Dec 2009
Rebreather
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG, you are an amazing person. That money in that account? Windfall. A total gift from the heavens. Had he mailed that letter, you'd not get this money that he can't touch (right?). Your goodness comes back to you.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6693 | Registered: Jan 2011
ChoosingHope
♀ 33606
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, five years ago, you had your hands full with three young children, NG. You were fully committed to them; you were a SAHM with no support from Dr. Evil; and you were even homeschooling them.

He took advantage of that.


Posts: 1764 | Registered: Oct 2011
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((NG))))


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4835 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
persevere
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feels good to be taking control again doesn't it? It's amazing how long we need to live in our own healing fog - almost 3 years and I'm just now coming out of it, bit by bit.

The financial windfall for you is deserved. ((NG))


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4715 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
phmh
♀ 34146
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG, please be kinder to yourself.

I know that all of us look back on our time with the cheaters and wonder how we let certain things happen. I used to have to compliment him profusely on how quickly he could drink a glass of water. WTF? I am way better than that.

It's because we're human. Because we have souls. Because we loved deeply and without reservation, as we were always led to believe is the dream come true.

We just happened to fall in love with personality-disordered losers.

Now you know better. You (and I) will pick yourself up, learn your lessons, and craft a wonderful life for you.

The past is in the past, and the future will be more amazing that you can imagine due to the lessons you've learned.

Please, please, please be gentle with yourself!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3541 | Registered: Dec 2011
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. If your STBX took out a life insurance policy on you without your knowlege or approval, he could be in trouble for insurance fraud. Definitely contact the insurance company and let them know that you had no knowlege of this policy.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 2101 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Rainbows
♀ 39362
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't beat yourself up. You were married and trusted your spouse. We expect to share and trust our spouses with finances in marriage. That's part of the deal. Be patient with the repair process, dogged in finding everything and kind to yourself.

Over the past couple of weeks I've been getting blindsided from various financial messes he created during our M. Meanwhile he's off at a 5 star resort playing big shot with OW (his spending priorities are backwards).

I can't change the past. I trusted him and let him (mis)handle a lot of our finances. All I can do now is prioritize and deal with each problem as it comes.

Gotta admit though, I think that secret life insurance policy you found is a lil bit creepy.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 415 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
cliffside
♀ 38803
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG,
This may be a blessing in disguise. Get the paperwork and let the insurance company know you have no idea where this came from and you want all paperwork. If he committed fraud, this could be great for you. Charges could be filed against him!


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 275 | Registered: Mar 2013
haysuth01
♀ 29161
Member # 29161
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nature_Girl, I don't post very often, but I still read here in Divorce a lot, and I always look for your posts. I worry for you. I cannot imagine having an X who is so batshit insane.

Definitely don't beat yourself up over handing over the financial reins to him. I did the same with my Xh, and his abuse of it was the catalyst to me leaving him and finding out the extent of his issues (in addition to the disrespect he constantly showed me).

Here's a fun story for you guys: I was working my ass off, 4 months pregnant with our DS, and I got assigned a two-week TDY trip to New Jersey. I wanted the break so bad. Anyhoo, the co. I worked for deposited the $ in our personal account to pay for the hotel and my per diem. XH swore up and down that he would not touch it, that he would be too busy with his own work commitments to be spending any extra $ while I was gone anyway.

The day I go to check out and catch my flight, my CC won't go through. Yeah, my XH spent almost every dime in our account at the bar two nights before and we had nothing in our savings. I was stranded, pregnant, in NJ and didn't know a soul. I broke down crying at the front desk and then had to call my ailing grandmother to ask her to pay for the room so I could leave. It took me months to pay her back.

Even after all that, it still took me until our son's birth to leave him. So I get it. Be gentle with yourself. ((N_G))


XBS
Divorced 5/07.
DS-7! What?!
Happily remarried, B/G twins (5).

Posts: 220 | Registered: Jul 2010
Topic Posts: 28
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