Just wanted to chime in-
We have decided not to tell- although I feel he wanted to- kind of like a "I deserve to be thought of as an ass" mentality.
I requested that we not- for all of the reasons stated above.
You have been living this- and I know because I have been really unavailable to my MIL and have had to think of some really creative ways to explain my absence. But there is a lot to consider..
Telling her would have been my way of saying "see! I'm not crazy! I'm just dealing with some serious issues" and it would have made me feel better.
But... There is a lot to his FOO that he and I have been discussing- and I felt it is better kept between us for now. This is new for them, they haven't ... This word again "processed"- through everything. There will be questions- TONS OF QUESTIONS- opinions, advice, blame laying ( maybe on you, although unjustifiably so).
Different people have different ways of dealing with this type of information- and helping his family through the process (aargh) is just not in my agenda right now. Not only that, but I fear that it will never go away
"remember when Mr.wondertwin cheated on her?"
"I KNOW! "
"lets all talk behind their backs at Christmas and comment on their behavior- superfun!"
Do what you feel is right. I just know that for me, it would be difficult to convey all of our progress and setbacks and thoughts during this thing. Maybe some day, but for now, I have enough on my plate. And the reaction may not be what I expect it to be.
I wish you strength. :)