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Are any of your waywards using the same justification techniques to reconcile as they did to have the affair?

My WH is seeing nothing but a horrible experience with the affair now and a whorible person to do it with.

When he started the affair, I was the horrible person driving him to it. Nothing was good with me.

He is seeing now that it is him, not "it" or me, but it is concerning me that maybe he is distorting facts to get what he wants, still.

On the one side is the rational pull to 'do things right, honorable and moral'

THAT is what I was looking for. I kept blaming myself for his infidelity and now I KNOW it is on HIM!

Bastard!

He knew it was soul crushing to me and yet he did what he did.

We're not on the road to reconciliation quite yet, but I can see a number of the same patterns and thought processes that he must've had during the A. I believe, in terms of LTAs anyway, that there is A LOT more to wade through because the behaviors and justifications were used so long that some of those same behaviors become habits that are hard to break because they're so much easier to rely on.

Just my two cents though.

Yes Erica! I think he has used these selfish fact dismissing behaviors so long that he is somewhat delusional.

There is no way he would spend 5 years with someone as horrible as he is describing it to me now.