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neverdidithink posted 10/15/2013 14:46 PM

I think I'm finally finding my way out of crisis mode and now I just feel blah.

H is traveling again this week. Opposite schedules across thousands of miles are making deep conversation impossible. We're taking, texting, sharing, but it doesn't feel like we're doing anything productive.

I know we can't be deep in conversation all the time and that real life has to intercede, but this has all left me feeling flat. I'm not going at warp speed just to survive the day, but I'm not at peace either. The intense pain has given way to a constant dull ache.

I know we're on the right path, but this feeling is so foreign to me. Is this "normal" under the circumstances?

LosferWords posted 10/15/2013 15:35 PM

I think it is completely normal at just a couple of months out, neverdidithink. Many times I've seen it written out here that "this is a marathon, not a sprint".

Sometimes the first couple of months are in crisis/sprint mode, and it might be time to start pacing yourself. Maybe start working on yourself, and doing things that are healthy and make you happy, in addition to having your husband do the same.

Sometimes the weight of a marriage gone through crisis is carried better by both ends of the chain versus the middle.

Best of luck to you. Hang in there and keep posting.

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 10/15/2013 15:56 PM

Hey there neverdid- my long lost sister-
Just chiming in with an "I feel ya"

What I am trying to do is enjoy the relative calm- and try to just roll through the day.
I am positive something will trigger me and bring some exciting new behavior from me (hiding in the closet crying over my shoes? Getting angry that I have SO MUCH CHEESE in my stupid fridge? Hyper focusing on the fact that ALL of my lip liners are the same frigging color?).
See, never a dull moment in the post A marathon. Give it some time, something will spark your interest.

(All just jokes above, not feeling "advicey" today. Sort of in a "if I don't laugh ill cry kind of mood) just wanted you to know you were heard. ((((Twinnie))))

neverdidithink posted 10/15/2013 17:54 PM

Thanks LosferWords and Twinnie.

My mind and body have been in overdrive mode for a long time, both with the A crap and a huge work project. The work project is complete and H and I seem to be making progress, I guess I'm just not very good at relaxing. I feel better DOING something.

I'm going to listen to my body and go to bed early again tonight. Dinner with a girlfriend tomorrow will be a nice distraction.

One day at a time...

neverdidithink posted 10/16/2013 15:05 PM

AAARRRGGGGHHHHH. Thinking about all of this made me crazy last night. Crazy made me start combing through cell phone records, etc. Refeshing pages with my heart nearly pounding out of my chest.

My heart and my head knew there would be nothing to see, and there wasn't. I'm completely embarassed by the state I put myself into and I'm disappointed I allowed myself to go there.

WTF was I hoping to accomplish? I ended up just triggering myself!

IGaveItMyAll posted 10/16/2013 15:08 PM

I just want you to know your not alone. When in survival mode you a clinging on, so hurt and are able to connect with your spouse through that pain. When that fades you are left with everyday life and trying to connect when you can and through happiness. How do you make the shift from survival to fun, happy and appreciative? I am still trying to figure that out.

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