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watwasIthinking posted 10/15/2013 18:24 PM

Been reading a whole of the posts and want to thank everyone here for sharing their painful stories. It has helped me get through my day knowing I'm not alone. My story spans back 5 years. Maybe eventually I will get to write "my story" Trying hard to stand my ground and move on. Early stages of Separation - eventual divorce. Not ez.

Tripletrouble posted 10/15/2013 18:27 PM

Welcome and hugs to you. You will find so much support here. Post as much or as little as you feel able, and know that we are all pulling for your healing.

watwasIthinking posted 10/15/2013 18:58 PM

Took me 5 long years to figure out he checked out of the marriage the first time I discovered the 1st A. I put everything into the M. All this time I was in false R.
I thought we were doing well until this latest discovery. Then everything just came crashing down, this was it. Nothing left to fight for.

So much to take care of - list the house, sell household items, find a lawyer, look for a job, get a new place.... I feel drained. Where to begin?

Tripletrouble posted 10/15/2013 19:05 PM

Start with the lawyer, for sure.

I'm so sorry for your pain. I am also early in the process, although my state allows the process to proceed quickly under the right conditions. It is emotionally draining enough, but managing all the details, red tape, and responsibility can feel completely overwhelming. Please see your doctor if the weight of the situation starts to become more than you can carry.
In the meanwhile please be good to yourself. Eat well, rest, exercise, and do something you enjoy.

nowiknow23 posted 10/15/2013 19:08 PM

You're eating an elephant, watwasithinking. Just take it one bite at a time. Welcome.

jemimapd posted 10/15/2013 19:51 PM

Start with a lawyer and don't get a job unless the lawyer tells you to. Do not list the house! Who says you are leaving? Your WH? To hell with what he says. What he wants and says is totally irrelevant now. Don't do anything until you have got good legal advice.

If you have been a SAHM then that may work to your advantage financially, it depends on your state laws. You will probably ask for spousal support.

Get a tough, smart, experienced attorney who is familiar with the judges in your county. You can go to more than one - also that stops your husband consulting them.

Do NOT tell your husband you are seeing a lawyer.

The lawyer will tell you what documents you will need so you don't want to give your WH time to hide them.

Don't believe anything your WH says about being reasonable and fair to you. You are in a fight now, make no mistake about. All his entitlement issues are about to be transferred to $$$

But you will get through this and in my case I have found it very liberating. Keep posting, this place is amazing.

Nature_Girl posted 10/15/2013 23:49 PM

I agree. Lawyer first & foremost. Don't do anything else until you retain a lawyer.

I'm getting our marital home as part of our division of assets. Not everyone has to sell their home when they get divorced.

watwasIthinking posted 10/16/2013 06:41 AM

Thank you all for your advice.

Yea, the H says he will pay for the mortgage so the kiddos will have a home. As for me, I can stay or I can go. I don't trust one word he says. I'm gonna get burned on this in the end. I don't want the financial burden of our home, especially when I am unemployed.

Question: How does one "shop" for a(efficient and affordable)attorney?

jemimapd posted 10/16/2013 13:56 PM

Just look in the Yellow Pages.. Round here they all do a free initial consultation. Before you go, prepare a simple list of assets and debts e.g. house, cars, credit cards, savings, retirement accounts. Also, your busband's earnings.

Estimate roughly how much your house is worth, what the mortgage principal is and how much the payment is each month plus taxes and insurance.

If you can, do a calculation of how much your family spends every month. Include health insurance.

It doesn't have to be super-accurate but it helps save time if you have done this in advance.

If I were you I would see 3 or so. You really need someone experienced but energetic.

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