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Newest Member: FrustratedJoker (61483)

User Topic: Honeymoon Over?
♀ 39621
Member # 39621
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS had an EA that lasted about a year that eventually escalated into a PA. I discovered the PA 2 weeks after it started, and it took WS another few weeks to break it off with the OW. Unfortunately, we are in a position where we can't sell our house and can't afford for him to switch jobs. The OW was a coworker, and while they now work on different floors and different shifts (nurses at a hospital), there is still a chance they run into each other. Though WS did promise NC and has promised to avoid the OW's floor at all costs. Additionally, all their sexual encounters occurred at the OW"s apartment which I drive by daily. After the affair fog lifted WS realized that he almost lost everything and we've been trying to reconcile.

The past few months had been going well. I was feeling better and letting go. Then, 2 weeks ago WS went in to work and came home in a bad mood (he works one week on, one week off). That entire week he was in a bad mood and would get angry about trivial things. I asked what was up, but he had no answers. He's been distant and easily angered since then. This has triggered me as I am reminded of how things were during the EA and PA. Essentially, I find myself pushing away, wanting nothing to do with him. I feel a wedge between us--something is off but he says he's just tired (he works 3rd shift, the OW works the same week, but works 2nd shift on a different floor). Is the affair recovery honeymoon over? Has the OW made contact with him again? Ug! I've tried talking to him about it but he just says he's tired from work, and that people get mad at each other. Unfortunately, when he gets angry my mind wanders towards negative thoughts about what is going on = trigger.

Meanwhile, I find myself avoiding him and pushing away, which isn't good for reconciling or our 3 kids. Ug!

BS (me) 39
WS, 39
Married 16 Years
3 Kids (5, 9, 11)
D-Day (1 yr EA -> 1mo PA) 2/24/2013, TT 3/26/2013

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Wisconsin
♀ 36576
Member # 36576
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, I don't have any advice. All I can say is that I can kind of relate. WH will go for a little while where it seems like he's really trying. I start feeling better about us, start trusting him, and opening up again. And then he does the exact same thing...moody and more distant with vague answers. But my WH has childhood issues that he has yet to deal with, and he hasn't made much progress. We just started working with counselor #6.

Was there a change in your husband's schedule at all or did he work that same schedule the entire past few months? Did he take any vacation time that might have made things easier for a period of time?

wtf?? How insane does your life have to get that you want to polygraph your freaking HUSBAND. ~ OldCow18

It's hard to make a decision when you're too tired to hold on and too in love to let go. ~ unknown

Posts: 178 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 32753
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 12:17 AM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is really hard. On the one hand, it might really be work stress, and his way of handling it triggers you because of how he acted during the A. Or on the other hand, they might have broken NC. In spite of working different shifts and floors, that they work the same week and the same workplace means they certainly could have broken NC. That is a VERY hard place for you to be in.

Is there any way to ask him to help you verify that there has been no broken NC to help ease some of your fears? Is he in the habit of helping you verify if you need or want it?

Hopefully, in time, you guys can work on a different kind of communication so he can find a way to reassure you regardless of whether he's having a hard time at work. It can't be easy having his bad mood triggering you and in turn you needing to distance yourself. Maybe you can work on a way to come back together during those stressful times.

Wishing you two a better week, starting today.

Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 4219 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
♀ 36146
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, but then this isn't reconciliation. He lost the right to behave that way, and then not do everything in his power to outwardly ally your fears once he knows you are upset.

Posts: 319 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 4

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