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Mediation, what hell is this going to be?

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Dawn58 posted 10/16/2013 04:11 AM

Hi all,

I have mediation in two weeks. I live in California. I received the initial report from the forensic accountant and I have even more questions about what my STBX did with the money.
I told my attorneys I do not want to see the pos, talk to him, accidentally run into him, no contact. I do not want to feel any pressure to sign any agreement that day.
If I don't like what they are offering, what does taking him to court look like??
He hired a very expensive, fancy pants Beverly Hill attorney who has been very aggressive and I don't want to feel bullied into anything.
I am still very emotional and have been triggering like mad since I found out he and his mistress are engaged and have been engaged for several months now. nice.....

Any advice would be most welcomed!!

MovingUpward posted 10/16/2013 07:23 AM

First thing that would be helpful is to understand California law on divorce and assets. When you can understand what you are entitled to then it can make negotiations easier. It will also reduce fears about having to go to court if what you are asking for is backed by law.

This is also handy because a mediator's job is to reach a settlement. They are not suppose to be for one side or the other nor will they be trying to protect ones rights over the other.

Don't be afraid to be done with mediation. Don't be afraid to ask for a separate room if you feel POS is being antagonistic.

I believe by what you have said that your attorney will protect your rights so look to him. You can ask to speak with him in private.

fireproof posted 10/16/2013 07:51 AM

The goal of mediation is suppose to be to try and resolve the issue before going to court.

That being said your lawyer will be there. BUT I would independently write down your best (if everything went your way) wish list. Review with your attorney before the mediation. Pick the 2 that are not negotiable- the must haves.

Very possible you or your husband might just stomp out or say no deal. If you need time this is the time to speak up as to speak to your attorney in the other room. If something doesn't sound right and it is one of the 2 things ask your attorney what are the chances then decide. Court is expensive and most rarely go to full blown court.

Good luck! It is not about him it is about securing your future- leave the emotion at the door.

Ashland13 posted 10/16/2013 08:27 AM

I wonder if he hired Uncle Phil from the Fresh Prince of Bell Air? (Attempt at humor)


I wish you all the best.

We had several of these and it was interesting to see the defense crack under pressure. I snickered all the way home.

FWIW, as much as you can get done with the attys, you can sometimes avoid going before a judge. The other lawyer was adamant that something "be given" for each thing that they "gave" was like blood from a stone because of my finances, but you may end up trading various things, like taxes or insurance to get a better outcome.

It comes down to nickles and dimes and they won't be concerned about much else.

And yes, you can step out or use another room as the other post says, if the pressure gets high. I would get panic attacks and my lawyer would call a recess. Or if the defense Lawyer got rude, mine would call time out.

If you can find things-issues- that matter more than others and have one or two in your pocket to let go of in trade, it can get you through sooner.

Just to share a funny, there is a story about Perv's lawyer showing up in court for trial with a water cooler on wheels for his files and rainbow suspenders with short dockers and those tall white socks.

Sometimes to take my mind off things, I study the people in the room and it helps for some relief-like the differences in lawyers or clients, as Perv would appear in blue jeans and I and L in suits. I think it all makes a difference?

And the quietest you can be will only help, because I learned that they remember every word and use it later, not in our favor, either.

Best of luck.

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