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Newest Member: Shattered31 (45724)

User Topic: Is my marriage over even before it started?
me222
♀ 41013
Member # 41013
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my first post...ever...on a forum....I like to live a quietly and keep to myself ... and solve my own problems....but what happened to me just two weeks ago makes me feel so powerless and confused....pretty much like a vegetable. When I was 22 I was married for about one year but it was rash and foolish, soon enough I managed to get out. I continued to have long relationships and longed to fidn someone with whom I could have a family but they proved to be too imature and we always parted friends. Last year I decided to try my luck online so I found some dating site ... I talked to some guys, many were interested but not serious so I didn't even stop. After about six months of selections this guy finds me... and we connect on almost every level ... The downside was he had 2 kids from a previous relationship living with him because their mother is too poor to keep them. He confesses from the start that he happen to leave her pregnant about 9 yrs ago (the first child is 8 now) but he didnt love her ... still they married after about 2 yrs so he can take care of the child. After that she falls pregnant again and by that time he starts having an affair with a woman that also had a child. He said he really loved that woman. He got divorced fast and kept the kids even though the young one was only a baby and his wife didnt even know why all taht was happening. She is not very educated so she was weak and did all he told her to do. After that, the girlfriend...i think she even got pregnant with his child at that time but aborted probably so nobody would know she was the reason why the family was apart. So the girlfriend leave for studies abroad and he says he is faithful to her even though she is absent and they keep in touch but then she has an affair for about an year and then he finds out... He tries to forgive her but he cant adn he wants to get rid of her but she had some financial problems that time and her child was sick so he cant just throw her in the street and he keeps her for sex for a while.... Then she falls pregnant again...aparantly she was supposed to have used protection and he relizes that she is out to get him hooked... Then she has a miscarriage and everyone (cause she made a scandal invoving even his parents that she is pregnant and he wants to throw her out) is relieved... But then she moves out and he goes to bring her luggage and they have unprotected sex again ... and she falles pregnant again.... Yeah, I know... So when we met online ... he was saying that his ex gilfriend is pregnant but he cant be sure that it's his giving her previous affair... Of course that I point out that we seem good with each other...but it;s a bit too much cause he seems a bit stupid... and high risk. But then he convinces me that he knows about his mistakes, that he has been foolish, that he wants a normal life, to do the right thing, to love and be loved...blah, blah, blah.... Even then... I knew the risk but I trully believed that if I am to come to him...mind you...accross the ocean... and sacrifice my life and my job and my dear ones ... and I do everything for him ... he will love and appreciate me all his life, he will make me feel special and he would dedicate his life to me...as I would to him. So yes, I went on....I went for a visit ... 2 weeks, I met the kids.... they had many problems...psychologically... many many problems...the small one would get upset all the time and them keep quiet foe hours...she would just shut herself inside... I felt sorry for them...in my two weeks there .... I watched them changing and it was incredible... I left promising to come back as soon as I can. And I did after 3 months...I quit my job, kissed my mom and left on another continent. We got married in 7 days so I can stay legally and I did everything right.... the kids are ok now... even with school...i cant even say how much progress they made ... and for him.... cooking all the time, surprising him all the time... supporting him with his studies cause he went back to school even though 'he is working... all as he said ... for us...me and the kids.... But I would catch him lying now and then and everytime I felt so hurt...nothing big necessarily...just things that he thought would upset me...or I wouldnt understand...he said he was afraid not to lose me if he cant explain certain things...anyays... And now....he askes me to help him with his studies and I had to use his work laptop and then I see he;s been accessing facebook with some email account i did not know...and i google the email just to see ... and then...my heart freezes and I read the add he posted on a trash site that he is a married man looking for women for sex in our area...he even gave the name of two neighbourhoods around here where he could have reach easily... I dont want to say how i felt.... I did everything for him, I left everything and I thought he will appreciate that i treated him like a king...always trying to please himand make him happy. And yes, he was happy....and he put on weight...everyone said how happy he seemed...and he was...but look how he repaid me....he felt worrifree and he went out doing his thing forgetting he ows all to me...me that i'm locked up in the house like a dog all day cause I dont know anyone here and I dont have friends and I can get a job cause my permit does not allow me... I even started university all over again...I finished a degree in my country but here it doesnt help me much... so I said I dont want to be a housewife all my life ... I dont want him to carry all the burden so I started university again. I have the first exams in a few weeks and I cant even read the lines when I try to get the books... I'm devastated... We were talking about having out own child...that would bind us even more...now i know he was about to impregnante another woman and he didnt even care who she was... Any woman would have suffice...any woman but me... And no, we dont have any issues...we hae sex daily, I would even want more...and no, he doesnt have I dont know what fantasies that he would have wanted to put into practice...just the old hit and run rutine he says he pulled all the time with all of them. He says he got caught up reading trashy things when he was supposed to study at night and he didnt even realize what he was doing. He admits he has a problem with comitment...he's just started therapy... on his own... cause the problem is him, not me or our marriage. We dont have enough money for me to go to therapy also ... and I find it so difficult to cope with all these... Maybe this is why I chose to write here now... There are so many other things to be mentioned but I;m just so tired of repeating them to myself every single moment of the day like I'm obsessed. I know that if I could look at it objectively probably I was not even cheated on ... and I should consider myself so lucky for finding out just after 2 weeks or so ... so nothing happened. So why do I feel like I died already???


32 yrs old - me
37 - him
married 10 months
his 2 kids are living with us, the third one with his ex girlfriend

Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2013
catlover50
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you find yourself here. You are in a tough position being away from home and isolated.

But you have been cheated on; when your husband goes looking for sex with other women that counts as cheating. You are right to be concerned and it is normal to be upset.

Please read from the Healing Library in the upper left corner.

Your H needs to do some real soul searching. Please don't rule out counseling; there may be low cost alternatives available in your area.

Please take measures not to get pregnant right now.

Good luck honey.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1815 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
ZedLeppelin
♂ 40895
Member # 40895
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First of all, I am sorry for what has happened to you.

Is this correct?

1) Man1 has children with Woman1
2) Man1 has affair with Woman2 (Who has 1 child from before)
3) Man1 divorces Woman1 and moves in with Woman2
4) Woman2 has affair
5) Man1 impregnates Woman2, despite attempting to throw her out.
6) You marry Man1, and form an attachment to the children
7) You find out Man1 is looking for hookups.


Posts: 207 | Registered: Oct 2013
me222
♀ 41013
Member # 41013
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ZedLeppelin
Yes, I'm afraid all is correct. When you put it like that it shows how stupid I've been. But at that time he really convinced me that he wants to turn things around for him and the kids, that he sees how reckless and irresponsible he has been. He said that was the very reason why he was looking for someone far away from him ... so that they don't fall into the trap of the physical attraction and sex right away without taking the time to really get to know wach other and find out if they are compatible. At that time I really wanted to belive all this, I've also made mistakes in life but I've come to regret and to say that I would rather die than do it again... I thought he is like me ... strong and determined to take control of his own life ... that he finally knows what he wants and what he needs and he is willing to work for it. I knew it was a high risk of infidelity but I thought it will probably happen after some 5 yrs when things cool down and you might get bored... But I see he took everything very lightly and for granted. He did not understand and appreciate my sacrifice or my caring for his children. The progress they make everyday is the one thing that makes me not to fully regret my choice. Yesterday when the boy came to me out of the blue, put his arms around me and said mommy, I love you ... I had tears in my eyes... he loves his real mom dearly...cries every time they come back from her place....and yet....after a long time he accepted me also... their lives revolve around me...from morning till night...mommy, mommy... So yes, I've been so stupid to belive that I give all of me ... someone would give me all of his ...


32 yrs old - me
37 - him
married 10 months
his 2 kids are living with us, the third one with his ex girlfriend

Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2013
me222
♀ 41013
Member # 41013
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

catlover50
Thank you and yes, it makes no real difference to mMaye right now that he didn't get the chance to go all the way with it. Maybe later I would be able to be grateful for that but now I suffer all the symptoms ... shaking, not being able to sleep, concentrate, crying out of the blue, not seeing any point in life anymore, deep need to make him feel the aggression and utter pain he had caused me ... I thought of millions ways I can turn back his "gift" like having sex with someone on our bed precisely when he comes home... or having my own child with someone else...just not to be his sperm...and let him raise the child...my own child...then think he is generous and things are fair as he has 3 of his own,I might as well have one... Yes, crazy revengeful thoughts like that... I won't do it anyways...cause the difference between us apparently is that I consider the people that I would hurt with my actions...and as I am fully aware...I would hurt myself and my baby far more than the scratch he would take....And yes, I do not see myself having a baby with this man... that is the tragedy for me now...I'm getting older....I dont think I have too much time for procreation ... and now I don;t even want it anymore... Isn't it ironic how sometimes those that don;t deserve and don;t know how to be parents get so many children and those that take it very seriously and want to make the most of it...don't...


32 yrs old - me
37 - him
married 10 months
his 2 kids are living with us, the third one with his ex girlfriend

Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2013
BrighterFuture
♀ 38914
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 12:58 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi me222. I'm so sorry about what has happened to you. This man has deceived you. My advise to you would be to divorce this man, go back home to your country and get into therapy/counseling. You are still very young and can start a fresh and have your own children and family. I know I might sound harsh to you, but his history indicates that he can't be faithful. He will only cause you more pain. I pity the children who will obviously miss you, but this man is not safe enough for you to stay with him even for the sake of the children. Please take care of you.

Many hugs!

[This message edited by VeryHurtbroken at 1:00 AM, October 17th (Thursday)]


Me:30
Him:31
D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.


Posts: 352 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
me222
♀ 41013
Member # 41013
Default  Posted: 1:19 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

VeryHurtbroken
You don't know how many times I thought of that myself. That was my initial reaction, untill he admited because at first he denied...he even said someone is trying to frame him...if you can believe that ... But when he admitted... then I found myself obsessed with finding out why... I realized that if I run away this thing will haunt me forever. I kinda tend to think about things a lot, I'm more focused on what's going on inside rather than outside and I've made my life's mission to get to learn more about me as a person. So if I leave not trying to fight... I don;t know if I can leave with it. Especially now that he trully seems remorseful... it was his idea of going to counselling... he says that all the stupid things he did ... he always blame dother people and he always saw the faults in them.... but this time he must face who he trully is cause this time I am beyond reproach. He says he thinks he has a problem with commitment and with responsability... he's mind is easily distracted...always reading stupid stories on the internet and getting caught up in the sensational...I trie so hard to explain to him that they are all made up things by people that earn a lot of money and that he clicking on those sites makes someone very rich.... he doesn;t seem to think much about things...he is immature and selfish ... but he seems to understand his shortcomings and he seems trully remorseful ... he says he got very scared seeing me devastated cause I must confess to having swallowed a full bottle of shampoo... don;t worry, it was just a bit of acting somehow I liked the desperate look on his face at that time when he would watch me throwing up and yell at me asking how much did I drink with the phone in his hand wanting to call the ambulance... Well, it was a bit satisfactory to see him concerned... I never meant to go all the way...I just wanted to concentrate on some other kind of pain for a moment so that from my heart would ease a bit.... Anyways, I always thought I'm the kind that leaves if something like this happens... I'm so proud you woudnt belive. Even my need to feel cherished...has something to do with my pride. Looking back... it seems to be that was the very reason why I chose him... I chose a man that was in a crappy position and for my efforts and love would always be devoted to me... I need to feel like i'm the only one for my man... the best of everything... so now... seeing how I struggle to make it work even now... I'm so shocked at my actions... I even think it's a good chance to get to know myself better ... obviously there are still things to learn about my endurance, love and my own limits... So in a way... I don;t do it for him or for the kids... I do it for myself... I am struggling to start a new path here... with or without him... I would like to follow up on university...it gives me so much pleasure to learn ... to pick up the books, to go to school again... I'm an A student... so , I don;t know... and now there is also doubt in my head...maybe NOW he really gets it ... maybe this time he will stop playing around like a stupid careless youngster... of course, he says these things himself...but I've heard it all already... But I still feel I should at least try and see how his counselling goes... Anyways, I told him... now even the smallest lie will kill everything... so I hope he's on the watchout. And I also think that if he is beyond repair ... something would come up soon enough... I mean... for God;s sake...it's been only 10 months.... Yes, it is funny and now I'm smiling bitterly


32 yrs old - me
37 - him
married 10 months
his 2 kids are living with us, the third one with his ex girlfriend

Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2013
BrighterFuture
♀ 38914
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 1:33 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You sound like a beautiful person me222. I don't know which country you came from or which country you currently reside but just know that you deserve better. My concern for you is that you do not have family around for support. Sending you hugs in whatever you choose to do.


Me:30
Him:31
D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.


Posts: 352 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
me222
♀ 41013
Member # 41013
Default  Posted: 1:46 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

VeryHurtbroken
Thank you so much for your kindness.
I know I deserve better. I would never settle for this kind of life. It's just about giving him another chance, a slim, weak chance that might grow to be something big and meaningful for us both...if he's up for the challenge. These problems he has... are before and beyond me. I didn't know how much rooted they were in him... I thought he talks to himself from time to time and he is self-aware .... apparently not... Can he become? I do not know. I think time will tell. You must know that we are very good together ... we hardly ever fight, we like the same things more or less... and up till now I thought we have the same values ... The truth is...I don;t know who he really is... and the sad part is...neither does he... So I feel that until I know for sure who he is ... I might take a wrong decision... everyone has the potential to chaet or be faithful, everyone has temptations, everyone has battles ... what differentiate ourselves is how you fight and your will power. I don;t know the quality of these things in himself... Obviously I still love him very much and I hurt myself if I yell at him or I am mean and reproachful ... Sometimes I see him as an ungrateful cockroach that I would step on ... sometimes I see him as disabled...to really share or love someone ... and looking for help ... obviously this is one...disrespecting me is another... and if he ever crosses that line again...nothing can help us ... i am too proud for that


32 yrs old - me
37 - him
married 10 months
his 2 kids are living with us, the third one with his ex girlfriend

Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2013
stronger08
♂ 16953
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:38 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I feel that until I know for sure who he is ... I might take a wrong decision...

In my opinion you should have had this question answered before getting married to him. Right now you seemed very confused with all the unknowns that could happen with any decision you make. I suggest instead of concentrating on what could happen you look at what has happened. Based on actual fact and what you do know about this man. The only path needed points in one direction in my opinion. And that is to get away as fast as you can. Your married to a person who has a history of cheating, who most likely has mental issues, who he himself acknowledges does not know who he is. The man is 37 years old, yet acts like a immature teenager. I feel your lucky that you did not have children with this man. Find yourself a man who can be the guy you need in your life. The one your with can not or will not be able to fill the shoes of being a man. If you stay with him I only see many more years of suffering for you. All he has going for him right now is his ability to talk his way through life. Sure he talks a good game. But his actions say differently. Good luck and welcome.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5825 | Registered: Nov 2007
me222
♀ 41013
Member # 41013
Default  Posted: 4:53 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

stronger08
There is so much pain I feel reading your post ... I would like to disagree with you but I cannot. You say exactly what my other voice inside my head says... So why can't I do it? Why can't I get away? I think so much at what I would do at the slightest sign that something ... anything ... is wrong ... or at signs that counseling doesnt help him ... like he is supposed to also work on his relationship with the kids... I know it will become clear to me soon enough ... one way or the other ... I don;t see him totally bad... believe me ... it's very wrong what he did and I'm devastated ... but I also know him laughing ... hugging me in the middle of the night ... telling people how amazing I am and how lucky he is to have found me .... I do not believe that all of that was a lie ... At best he has a split personality or he is a sex addict ... or whatever other issues he might have ... i hope we will find out ... And again, I know what you say ... part of me thinks the same... and yet ... even though I hate him so much ... I love him so much still ... I am not naive, I am not weak ....it;s just that a tiny part of me got to see how happy we could be together ... how loving and affectionate he can also be ... was it all a lie? i don't think so ...


32 yrs old - me
37 - him
married 10 months
his 2 kids are living with us, the third one with his ex girlfriend

Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2013
me222
♀ 41013
Member # 41013
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, it just occurred to me that I might have omitted an essential part of the story... I never paid too much attention to it cause I can't verify it 100% and I don't trust him at all but it might be true. I found that add after about one week and a half after he posted it. What happened was that a week before I found out ... it was a saturday, the kids were over to their mom's place for the holidays... he went to university in the morning and when he came back we watched some boring movie and he didnt seem interested in doing anything else ... even though moments like this are so rare ... maybe it happened once or twice in 10 months to be alone and free without the kids or his studying or my studying...so I got angry with his lack of interest in me... and I confronted him ... telling him I'm no furniture and he can't ignore me like that when we finally have a moment together... that he forgot already thet the only reason I'm even here is him... and with all the problems we have, the kids, his job, the studying... we hardly spend quality time together... so he tried to say that he didnt realize what i want and expect, that he is sorry... and we ended up spending that whole weekend together... without him even opening some books ... and i felt he was doing that for me... and the next week I noticed he came home a bit earlier from work, he seemed to call me more often from his office...but i just thought it;s because the kids were gone and he didnt want me to feel lonely. Then the next weekend I found add and hell broke. Still, he says...a weekend before ... when i confronted him about his lack of interest towards me ... he had been posting those adds... but then when i told him about my troubles he felt sorry, he realized what he was about to do ... he went back and erased the accounts but he couldnt erase the adds.... and he tried to spend more time with me... and he thought i would never find out.... I think ... looking back... he might tell the truth about being remorseful and trying to cover up before I actually found out but what disturbs me is that he felt that only after i started complaining about my miserable life and wishing all this univerity thing will stop... cause we married but we hardly have time for ourselves ... I know that probably he didnt really had a firm connection with me... we agreed he has this chance of doing a part-time Bcom for one yr and a half...it was very imp to him and I promised I was going to be there for him...and i accepted he wont have too much time for me... but it was for us as a family ... and it was not too long to bear ...


32 yrs old - me
37 - him
married 10 months
his 2 kids are living with us, the third one with his ex girlfriend

Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2013
doggiediva
♀ 33806
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It will take you some time to get all of this mess sorted out in your head and get more clarity on your path going forward..
One of the best and most immediate things you can do for yourself is to make sure that you won't get pregnant..
Try to reach out to people in your community for friendship, so that you will be less isolated..
Make yourself and healing a priority, and watch your WH's actions, don't believe his words..



Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1345 | Registered: Nov 2011
me222
♀ 41013
Member # 41013
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

doggiediva
Thank you for your advice and understanding... It is really a big mess... I do try to feel better... now I'm reading all I can find on this site ... sometimes I feel that others have bigger messes than mine... it does comfort me ... not too much though ... Yes, you are right about getting pregnant... Actually, even though at the beginning I desperately felt the need for physical contact as a sort of reassuring that I'm still wanted ... last night I asked him to take some time off sex because I don't think it helps me right now... I still feel used, even if it's still great... for both... So, it will take a while... I do not wish to punish him or me with that ... It's just that I need to feel a bit of improvement, to see we are starting to move in a certain direction... to get out of this slumber... And even then... when that happens... I still do not want to get pregnant... that will be a big issue... or to get sick in case he did strayed more than he admits or he is going to do it again... I am aware I might push him away... I hope he loves me enough to understand my need for this and to fight to get me back ... as we used to be. With friends from community it's very complicated...there are things I didnt mention... it's also a language barrier...also a race barrier...it's complicated... I have my mom...we talk daily online... I have this site... ironically I have one of his cousins who stepped right in to give me some support and tried to talk to him... I have the kids ... I have my books ... I have my studies...


32 yrs old - me
37 - him
married 10 months
his 2 kids are living with us, the third one with his ex girlfriend

Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2013
lynnm1947
♀ 15300
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, Me, but I'm afraid I don't see where he deserves another chance. He just sounds like an astoundingly immature and selfish individual who spends a lot of time with his head up his arse. Maybe it's because I spent way too much time with one of those. Hugs.


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7401 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
me222
♀ 41013
Member # 41013
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lynnm1947
Thank you for your honest opinion. I know how it sounds like... It's so ironic ... I wrote on this site feeling very lost, hoping I would get posts of encouragement and yet almost everyone that took the time to read thinks I should end it now... It's complicated to explain everything that has happened in the short time we've been together. I am hurt and angry and the facts are bad so I can see why the posts are so tough... And yet I feel there is still hope, he is remorseful and we talked last night about his first counseling session and he acknowledges a problem with emotional attachment ... supressing real feelings and putting up a front. It's such an old practice that at some point he even felt even proud that he can do it and he thought that showing his emotion means being weak. He's been the man of the house when he was just a boy and he had to toughen up and do his own thing. He doesn't have any friends, never developed a close relationship...not even with his brothers ... he is as he puts it...an island. With me he mafe efforts to open up from the beginning...some of the problems he admitted even then but he didn't know he can't escape from them. So I guess I'm the only one who got to know a lot about him... but some still half truths... I do see the signs of remorse in him... even if he still can't express emotion... he told me he feels anger at himself when he sees how easily avoidable all of it would have been just by telling the truth ... small lies that in the end got to be big... I also need healing... I can't heal properly away from him, I do not want to think he is a bastard and I should hate him to feel better and get over it all. I do not hate anyone, I forgave everyone that ever wronged me, I must also forgive myself. For now, as long as he is honest and I don't catch him lying again... (as I gave him imunity for whatever truth he wants to share now but it must come from him, not me finding out) I will be at his side, listening.


32 yrs old - me
37 - him
married 10 months
his 2 kids are living with us, the third one with his ex girlfriend

Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 16

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