I'm about a little over 2yrs since last DDay. For the most part things are going very well. Yeah I still trigger and that is honestly my biggest hangup. H has been VERY supportive and I guess two days ago he's starting to feel I should be passed certain things. I would like to hear from BH to see if its any different for a BH or BW and should I be passed certain things.
He's been fully transparent, in fact I feel he has fallen in love with me all over during R. He wears his heart on his sleeve type of guy. He does all those great things, texting through out the day, calls, calls me on his way home until he gets here. We go out together everywhere. He dropped all those "friends" that supported the A.
I get some stupid triggers and I'm F-ing tired obviously of triggers. For example...it may sound stupid.
During the A MOW gave him a colorful wrist rubberband and that he kept on for months. When he removed it, the rubberband was heart shaped. It bothered the hell out of me. He burned it and like2 weeks later he had another one on. This was during the A.
So this week he got one of those small rubber bands from work and slipped it on his middle finger/left hand. So during dinner I saw it and lightly snapped it on his finger and asked what that was. He just said saw it and just rolled it on his finger. He then gave me this look like he knew why it bugged me. Then he asked me "why did u ask me that?"
My response "just wondering if you put it to remind you of something you had to do like pay a bill or call"
I left it alone. But it was on for like a week and I brought it up again and he said why was it bugging me so much. Well he no longer has it on and I asked "what happened to your finger rubberband?" He said he just threw it out before he showered the day before.
This is stupid I guess. But fuck!!! If I was the one who had an A and MOM had given me a heart shaped rubberband. I would NEVER wear or do something that would remind my BS of that damn thing. Also another thing. He has a coworker (Italian older man) so I always play candy crush on my H iPad while I workout on my elliptical machine. I noticed an app ITALIAN it teaches you Italian words. Why is this weird to me? Because my H is not the type to be interested in learning languages...
I asked him "since when do you want to learn Italian? Right away he could tell by my face that I looked a little upset. He tells me the coworker , as well as the cafe at his job are Italian people and often are talking Italian. Very nice family that I know and they have taught us a few Italian words for fun.
I don't have a gut feeling, just feel like my head is so f-ked up. I feel that we have done so much work on R. I feel like if I EVER find myself in that situation again, you all will be seeing my story on snapped!
One thing about me is I have always been a very resentful person since I was little. If you did something to me, I would NEVER forget or forgive.
This is something I struggle with.
I love him very much. My pride,resentment or whatever it is...
I feel like my heart and resentful brain are in constant battle.
[This message edited by Offhispedestal at 12:21 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]