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No Contact & My Expectations

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roarlouder posted 10/16/2013 13:51 PM

Although DDay was fairly recent, we are trying reconciliation...for me this means I have not yet decided to move out or file for divorce. I am looking to see him working and making changes (and verifying everything) and trying to assess if I can ever trust and be happy enough to stay.

We are in MC and he's in IC. He's answered questions, I have full access to all accounts and electronics (that I know of). I am confident there's been no contact with OW.

I am making a list of my expectations- MC, IC, access to accounts, pro-active communication from him re: whereabouts, events of day, triggers. Is there anything else that has been useful to others I haven't thought of?

As well for the no contact, he has a business associate that I found inappropriate emails to years ago (babe, miss you). He insists, still, nothing happened. She's older, and he insists he flirted and said those things to use/manipulate her to benefit his business--no doubt shes impacted its growth.

I have not heard or seen anything offside since. Should I include her in the no contact? Even if nothing physical happened (which i am not convinced of, but don't believe I'll get an answer). I feel contact with her of any sort could be detrimental to his recovery and our reconciliation. Should I make him give me a list of every person he's texted over the years so I can verify? Or is making him rethink a bad idea? I have asked many times if there's any contacts in his phone, Facebook, etc that he was inappropriate with and he says they are now deleted.

Peaches2013 posted 10/16/2013 14:59 PM

My DDay is also fairly recent. My husband prior to his infidelity was a huge flirt. It had been problematic at times over the years, but I was never a jealous person and the times he crossed a line, I told him.

In our discussions following DDay, he flirts to get attention. He likes attention. He craves attention. Flirting was what started off his fling, months prior to it even happening he was flirting with her "harmlessly."

So one of the things we agreed upon is he be respectful and aware of how he communicated with other females. He agreed that the amount he texted some of his female friends/coworkers was in appropriate and also admitted that some of his discussions were borderline. I didn't request anyone else be "no contact" but his communications with some of his former coworkers and female associates drastically dropped and changed after his agreement.

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