"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Karmita posted 10/16/2013 15:00 PM

Having left my cheating husband and having distance and time to think, I've come to realize he's not all that.... but just an average looking guy, with an average job and above average selfishness.

What's with these men with thinning hair and a growing pot belly who think thery're all that.

I dated my husband for three years and married for six years. He aged and I loved him anyway.

The thing is if I had just met him today I wouldn't have found him attractive.

Anyone else feel this way?

TrustGone posted 10/16/2013 15:08 PM

Oh my God...Yes!!!! I have felt the same way. My WH#2 was not that attractive when I met him and he hasn't improved with the years either, but like you I loved him thinning hair and pot belly and always tried to make him feel attractive.

I look at XWH#1 now and Thank God I am no longer having to look at him everyday.

neverdidithink posted 10/16/2013 15:13 PM

Not me, I still swoon when H walks into a room. Feeling like this makes the (remote) possibility of D pretty damn sucky.

StillLivin posted 10/16/2013 15:25 PM

Unfortunately my STBXH is a very attractive man and I'm still physically attracted to him. Sigh, sucks that he was such a whole ass. I despise him up top, but bottom hasn't caught up yet.

Karmita posted 10/16/2013 15:48 PM

Unattractive on the outside may be just as unattractive on the inside.

I got both.....

Duskpearl posted 3/26/2014 05:57 AM

Karmita - I have to agree with you! If I was to see my H for the first time now on the street I wouldn't look twice. He his now bald & full of grey chest hairs yet he decided to cheat on me with a butch looking ho worker who is literally twice my size & has a truck ramp for a chin. But I loved my H warts & all.

Trailer park girl would no doubt not be interested in him if he did not have his shiny new Harley. It was soon after this purchase that I noticed changes in his behaviour.

My H has aged big time in the last year & since his career change I currently make twice as much as him. He definitely ain't all that. I wonder what will happen to the lovebirds when his money runs out?

scarednbroken posted 3/26/2014 06:23 AM

No. My WH has aged well. As a matter of fact he has younger girls after him. They can have him. Physically he is very attractive. He's charismatic. If he didn't hate politics he would be an excellent politician. For two reasons - he has the air and stance and he can lie with a believable smile. He can sweet talk you into buying those lies and then make you feel blessed to have been lied to by him.

If I never knew him before today. Didn't know his past, I'd probly date him.

But knowing what I know about the inside soullessness of him - I would walk.

TheBestMe posted 3/26/2014 06:54 AM

Karmita, thank you for this post. After doing so much work on myself and finally gaining self esteem - HE should fall on his knees and thank God that I even acknowledge him.

He was never a head turner

but like you I loved him thinning hair and pot belly and always tried to make him feel attractive

I looked at some of the pictures AP posted on Facebook of the "couple". WS is not all that. In fact they are more compatible in looks than he and I are.

I am way too good looking for him. He has bad teeth (to keep them has cost a small fortune), skinny legs, a pot belly, Bozo the Clown hair and a HUGE head (I refer to him as Elephant Man Head).
The last few years of the A, he had a growing prostate and had to pee every few minutes. Since then he was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer and has surgery. The surgery had left him with some side effects. Talk about Karma!!!

justinpaintoday posted 3/26/2014 07:14 AM

As a man who is aging I can tell u I have tried offset the effects of time with the building of charActer.

My wife is physically stunning. But looks truly have little value because they fade. She reminds me of one of those Russian eggs. Pretty on the outside and hollow on the inside.

I hurt because i saw the beauty she once had underneath fade and eventuallu die as the effects of her betrayal ate away her. Karma can be like cancer. Eating away from the inside out.

jpumpkin posted 3/26/2014 07:16 AM

My fws certainly isn't the same as when I met him, but he has aged very well. It does cause a lot of insecurities for me. Then I guess the this post is proof that a cheater is going to cheat whether they are a 2 or a 10.

NeverAgain2013 posted 3/26/2014 07:50 AM

When I see shows on Dr. Phil about cheating husbands, 9 times out of 10 these guys are pretty hideous to look at. You wouldn't look once at them if you passed them on the sidewalk, much less twice.

So what desperate women are giving these guys the time of day? I sure wouldn't.

TheBestMe posted 3/26/2014 08:18 AM

So what desperate women are giving these guys the time of day? I sure wouldn't.

Us..the BS is/was/are giving them the time of day.

Keep in mind I am referring to my experience - LTA

I have learned that the qualities that drew us to these people may be the same qualities the AP is drawn to. It was my H being generous and kind that drew me to him. I now know that is part of his NPD.

suckstobeme posted 3/26/2014 08:51 AM

No, my exwh is certainly not all that. I haven't actually seen him in many months, which is a good thing. We co-parent by text and that's fine by me. I don't really have too much of a clue of what he looks like now. His weight always fluctuated. He was cute enough and will always have all of his hair so if he's still cute in his 50s, fine. He was never someone who stopped traffic.

Regardless, his insides are hideous. That's actually what I didn't notice before and what still astounds me now.

He is a narcissistic coward who is not the kind, gentle man I thought he was. He's an angry teenager who kicked and screamed his way out of real life and real responsibilities to act like a college kid with the slunt. What drew her to him was, most likely, what drew me to him. He was fun. He was funny and he liked to party. The difference is that we met in grad school when I was in my early 20s and when real life hadn't yet hit.

When the slunt met him, she was a divorced mother of 2 in her 30s. He was a 45 year old professional with a wife and 2 young children. They were drawn together out of a desire to never grow up. It's evident in everything they do. My ex doesn't do the kids' laundry regularly so when they go there they complain that they don't have enough underwear or socks. He lets them go to school looking like rags. He doesn't fix them good food to eat. You don't have to be a gourmet, but give them something other than buttered noodles and hot dogs once in a while - something that at least resembles a vegetable or a piece of fruit. He lives in one of the smallest homes people have ever seen with hand me down furniture and stuff that is pieced together by spit and glue. It's like he didn't want that better life or better things because that would signal that he would have to grow up. He would rather blow money on beer and online poker. The slunt was far, far beneath him in education and professional status to begin with so she thought he would elevate her. The truth is, they just bog each other down.

I was always better looking than him on the outside and I suspect I always will be. No matter what though - I will forever beat both of them in the way of my insides. I can look myself in the mirror and sleep at night knowing that I never destroyed another person and stepped over their dead body to get to my fucked up version of "happiness".

Your ex may be extremely pretty or very handsome, but trust me, unremorseful waywards all have the same nasty qualities on the inside. Until they sit up and take a good long look at themselves, that will never change.

I think lions and killer whales are gorgeous. Doesn't mean I want to stick my hand in their cages or jump in the water with them. They can be gorgeous from afar and they can attack and mangle their own kind.

TheBestMe posted 3/26/2014 10:46 AM

the slunt

PippaPeach6 posted 3/26/2014 11:21 AM

The funny thing is that DH is in much better shape now than he was in the A. And maybe less hair, but it actually looks better. He was attractive then, but (in my eyes) more so now.

So with all the work he has done, internally and externally, I really did get the prize. "It" settled for a (somewhat) out-of-shape, mentally and morally inferior person than he is now. When I think back, at the time, yep, he really wasn't all that - for me . . . but prime prey for it.

IrishGirlVA posted 3/26/2014 11:29 AM

In my case, it doesn't matter how attractive he was (and still is) in physical appearance. All that goes out the window when you see this attractive man, sitting on your couch, who just sharted in his pants because he laughed too hard at his own stupid joke.

There's no coming back from that.

cancuncrushed posted 3/26/2014 11:36 AM

My H has always been attractive....However, at 55, when he is suffering stress, it changes his looks..Its aging him rapidly...He can look 15 years older...Then a month later, look handsome again....weird....
I loved how handsome he has been. However,.It bothered me when women boldly flirted with him. Even if he is with me or the children.
He wasnt too arrogant...He had grown up wearing very thick glasses as a child, so that insecurity stayed with him..

mal2006 posted 3/26/2014 13:49 PM

No, unfortunately, I am still very very attracted to my H. Even when I try to resist him I really can't. It sucks because I feel like sleeping with him now is almost rewarding him when he's done something so wrong. He just knows how to drive me crazy! I don't have the thinning hair or pot belly problem either, but he is only 28.

Ostrich80 posted 3/26/2014 14:03 PM

I think my ws is very handsome but what's on the inside makes him unattractive if you Kwim? Like just looking st him, I think wow you still look good, he's aged very well. He has nice thick hair, has kept his weight down and is active so he's built really nice but I'm just not feelin' that I wanna jump your bones, feeling with him...more like, I wanna break your bones

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 2:05 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)]