WH is named beneficiary on all of my accounts except one (see below).
I need advice about changing the beneficiary on these accounts--should I delete him and add my sister, or wait 6 months or so to make a decision?
If I change the beneficiary now, I can always change it back. I'm still pissed I guess, and don't want him to have bonus beneficiary money coming in, in the event that I am no longer here (I'm not a spring chicken anymore & who knows what will happen). Well, this is how I feel today.
A couple of years ago (during his LTA, when he thought he was The Big Man and could do no wrong & was yet again&always being self-centered, his thoughtlessness SO PISSED ME OFF that I deleted him from one of the TSAs & replaced him with my sister as bennie.
I'm still raw at the Trickle Truth days last month, but we're doing IC and MC. He still has his head up his ass a lot, although I can tell he is trying, in his own way, to not lose what he thinks he still has--a home, me in his life, food on the table, bills paid.
Oh, and get this, he told me that "back then" during his LTA, he began the LTA because --he mentioned this in his IC session today--
1) he was mad at me for asking him to have nothing more to do with one of his friends who disrespected me (and WH did NOT stand up for me so I took him to task for that) - this is different from the friend who stole from me and lied since WH didn't mention that to the IC
2) I made more money than he did & he couldn't buy me expensive gifts (I'm not an expensive-gifts kind of woman)
Today he comes home from his IC and discloses a bit about the session (which I appreciate) and then --this was not in his session, he says--WH tells me after he got over being "mad" at me, he continued the LTA because it was all about him, it felt good, he wanted it, it was enjoyable, he wasn't thinking of me at all except that he thought of me as his part-time employee.
Words cannot express how I felt at hearing that, but I want to thank Xanax for my calm reaction, which was "I appreciate your telling me that." He replied he doesn't think that way about me any more (because he was caught, all the while saying if he had not been caught, he would have continued the A), he's a changed men, it'll never happen again, etc etc.
Soooo, I need some input from come cooler heads, who are months or years out from where I am today... should I wait until there's a bit more distance between today and my emotions, or should I start making calls to change my beneficiary?
Thanks for any input and helpful advice and insights!
[This message edited by Hope2B at 3:10 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]
If it will cost you money to change, be difficult to reverse, I'd take a few deep breaths and a couple of weeks and then schedule an interview with some kind of financial advisor and then make a decision.
D-Day 19 April 2012
posted by the part time hired help **that was sarcasm on my part**
[This message edited by Hope2B at 10:25 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]
Either way is fine, as long as it's what you really want to do.
[This message edited by sisoon at 10:15 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]
Just this weekend I talked with my DS to let him know this and informed him that if anything ever happened I wanted him to keep the funds and not to let WH guilt him, manipulate him into turning the money over.
I have a very remorseful WH but it does not change the fact that I will never ever trust him.
There is no doubt, after reading your post, that I would change the beneficiary to your sister.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
I dont have much in the way of retirement (small IRA from when I was working, the bene is my father since I never changed it after getting married) but my life insurance is in my WH name. Im leaving it there because out children are very young and if anything would to happen to me he would need it for them. If they were older Id change it to one of their names.
Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.
But, if you are considering it just because of the (asshole) thing he recently said to you - I would think about that for a while.
I hope you find comfort in whatever you do.
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy
My fWH knows about this and it okay with it.
WH tells me after he got over being "mad" at me, he continued the LTA because it was all about him, it felt good, he wanted it, it was enjoyable, he wasn't thinking of me at all except that he thought of me as his part-time employee.
Sometimes it just boils down to selfish, asshole behavior and nothing more than THAT. And your husband made my point yet again.
Honestly? I absolutely DO think you need to change your beneficiary. No one should this selfish should be rewarded with lots of money upon the death of their "part time employee."
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."
Helped out a couple of friends who are moving into their first home today so I didn't get a chance to make phone calls, but I have my list of phone numbers ready to call and ask about changing my beneficiary.
What do I want to do? Change my beneficiary designation ASAP, and let time pass to see if R is even possible. At this point in time, I "foresee" us living as roommates, nothing more--but that's based on how I feel today.
Oh yeah, and while he didn't notice I took off my wedding ring, and didn't notice all photos of "us" have been removed (he is often clueless in his egocentricity), he DID make a comment about how I don't smile or laugh any more. (Ya think?)
I have to admit, I don't see any reconciliation light at the end of this tunnel. Maybe that's because my DDay #2 was just last month.
[This message edited by Hope2B at 2:20 AM, October 18th (Friday)]