I sometimes feel like saying that when exWH does something that I think is so completely out of character, particularly when it comes to parenting. Lately, it's like his judgement has been completely tossed out the window. Stupid, ignorant and ridiculous shit is either said or done when he has the kids and I have to stay two steps ahead to diffuse the situations.
It usually blows my mind because he was not a moron when he was with me. Sure, he had faults, but being a complete, bumbling idiot and a dip shit for a parent was not one of them.
I brought this up in IC and said that sometimes I feel like wrapping my hands around his neck, shaking him, and asking "do you need help? What the hell is wrong with you?"
IC said something very simple, but it clicked for whatever reason. She said, "he does nothing but play follow the leader. When he had you to lead him, he seemed okay. He's now picked the worst leader alive but because of who he is, that's who he follows."
It seems so simple but it's true. He's a chameleon and I have no idea who the real exWH is. All this time, I thought he had really changed. Now I'm starting to think he had no starting point of his own. He only morphs with the tide and owns no part of himself. He has no core. Just a ball of mush on the inside that does whatever he needs to survive in whatever environment he's in.
That was an aha moment for me. I've gone over a lot in my head since today's session, and lots of questions can be answered with that follow the leader quote.