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Newest Member: 4ever2gether (45763)

User Topic: Will the real jackass please stand up?
suckstobeme
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sometimes feel like saying that when exWH does something that I think is so completely out of character, particularly when it comes to parenting. Lately, it's like his judgement has been completely tossed out the window. Stupid, ignorant and ridiculous shit is either said or done when he has the kids and I have to stay two steps ahead to diffuse the situations.

It usually blows my mind because he was not a moron when he was with me. Sure, he had faults, but being a complete, bumbling idiot and a dip shit for a parent was not one of them.

I brought this up in IC and said that sometimes I feel like wrapping my hands around his neck, shaking him, and asking "do you need help? What the hell is wrong with you?"

IC said something very simple, but it clicked for whatever reason. She said, "he does nothing but play follow the leader. When he had you to lead him, he seemed okay. He's now picked the worst leader alive but because of who he is, that's who he follows."

It seems so simple but it's true. He's a chameleon and I have no idea who the real exWH is. All this time, I thought he had really changed. Now I'm starting to think he had no starting point of his own. He only morphs with the tide and owns no part of himself. He has no core. Just a ball of mush on the inside that does whatever he needs to survive in whatever environment he's in.

That was an aha moment for me. I've gone over a lot in my head since today's session, and lots of questions can be answered with that follow the leader quote.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2882 | Registered: Jan 2011
caregiver9000
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. That is worth thinking about.

Thanks for sharing.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5918 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Chrysalis123
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is great insight. NPD-ft is like that as well. He imitates whomever, even so much as changes his voice and/or speech patterns to match.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2782 | Registered: Jan 2010
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sounds a lot like XWH as well. He changed a lot of his "likes" with the various OW he dated.
For example, the couch potato suddenly developed an interest in mountain biking, then just as suddenly went back to riding the couch. The next thing he was listening to Damien Rice and skipping over his formerly beloved Prince on the ipod.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6694 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Housefulloflove
♀ 38458
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It usually blows my mind because he was not a moron when he was with me. Sure, he had faults, but being a complete, bumbling idiot and a dip shit for a parent was not one of them.

I brought this up in IC and said that sometimes I feel like wrapping my hands around his neck, shaking him, and asking "do you need help? What the hell is wrong with you?"

IC said something very simple, but it clicked for whatever reason. She said, "he does nothing but play follow the leader. When he had you to lead him, he seemed okay. He's now picked the worst leader alive but because of who he is, that's who he follows."

Wow,can you thank your IC for me? That makes a lot of sense.

do you need help? What the hell is wrong with you?"
I've been asking myself the same questions because I'm amazed at how completely dysfunctional my ex has become.

How can someone that is so self-absorbed do so much damage to his life so quickly!? Only difference here is that my ex has no one to lead him right now (OW left damn near the same moment we separated) and he has been all over the place. I bet if a 12 year old was suddenly on their own with a steady paycheck, they would be managing their lives a lot better than my ex is managing his life right now.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
woundedby2
♀ 18522
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...he had no starting point of his own. He only morphs with the tide and owns no part of himself. He has no core. Just a ball of mush on the inside that does whatever he needs to survive in whatever environment he's in.

Yep. There's no "there" there.

These NPD-types are experts at mirroring. Very chameleon-like they are.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD16 and DS19
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7851 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he does nothing but play follow the leader. When he had you to lead him, he seemed okay. He's now picked the worst leader alive but because of who he is, that's who he follows."

I realized this about ex during the divorce. Sadly, even DS18 sees it. Son and I had a conversation about this several months ago.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12173 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always thought it was interesting the ex-shat seemed to follow my lead in our marriage. He would then pass it off to others as if it originated with him.

He has no core personality. He mimics and mirrors. And yet, that blackhole at the center of his 'self' keeps eating at him. It drained the hell out of me.

What a shitty ass existence. Glad that we are away from that.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4745 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 8

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