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My stalking stops

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strawblond30 posted 10/16/2013 18:33 PM

I'm divorced I asked for it cus I couldn't deal with the constant fear of more cheating. After divorce I still stalked his email and Facebook. I asked him today to block me and please change password so I won't be tempted !! I can't deal with my new findings. 5 woman since July 30 when he moved out. It makes me feel worthless . I need strength to move on I'm loosing it!!

breakingpoint posted 10/16/2013 18:36 PM

Good for you!!! The obsessing feels terrible. Now you can start working on a healthy you!

strawblond30 posted 10/16/2013 20:05 PM

Obsessing is that a stage I need to move past

persevere posted 10/16/2013 20:26 PM

Great first step - I used to login to my XWH's FB for the first year or so after DDay - it was never worth it.

NC is the best way to go - I didn't get at first but I do now. NC = No New Hurts, and starts you on that gradual path towards indifference. ((Hugs))

ChoosingHope posted 10/16/2013 20:31 PM

(((strawblond30)))
My STBX was a serial philanderer (some say sex addict). I compulsively stalked him online for at least six months past our separation. Part of me wanted to know what he was doing so that I could protect my children.

But it hurt so horribly to stalk him. If I found something terrible, it made me fel terrible. If I found nothing, I felt terrified that I was missing it. It was a destructive cycle for me.

You are stronger than you think! You already identified the problem and took steps to stop it. I used to give myself a point every time I didn't snoop. Ten points was a manicure! And after a while, I realized that it felt better, and was a relief, not to snoop. And then it became habit. And now I have NO desire anymore.

And when I don't know what he's doing, I'm content. I wish the same for you eventually STAY STRONG! He's simply not worth the heartache.

-Hope

Heal&Deal posted 10/16/2013 20:46 PM

Why don't you block him, instead of asking him to block you? The old saying, out of sight out of mind, while not immediately effective, does help.

It seems that many self medicate with excessive dating, directly after D. This creates a distraction from reality, postponing that hard look of oneself. It also involves using other people. Finally, if sleeping with all of these people, it opens him up to exposure to STDs.

The actions of someone else do not determine your worth. Your XH dating/sleeping around is indicative of his character, not yours.

Lola2kids posted 10/17/2013 08:52 AM

My ex just recently reactivated his Facebook page.

He posted that he is engaged.
I was going to block him and then read a post that he had been in a Jazz club in NYC last week.

Ummm, didn't know that.

It was surprising since I sent him an expense report a month ago and he ignored it. No response.

When I brought it up to him he said he was having money problems.
I said, "maybe it's because you keep going to Jazz clubs in NYC on the weekend."

He said he would pay me.

Sometimes Facebook is useful.
I try not to look. If it becomes obsessive I will block him.
Right now I am waiting to see if he blocks me.

gypsybird87 posted 10/17/2013 14:39 PM

I blocked XWH, OW, and OW's daughter, who was frequently posting photos and other things I found hurtful. My page is private but I still like the fact that now none of them can view me (unless they create a fake login or use someone else's)... but most importantly it keeps me from viewing their pages when I feel that need to obsess. I hurt myself by looking at their pages tooo many times! Just recently I hurt myself again when I randomly decided to look at his LinkdIn page. Low and behold, there was a cozy couple pic of them. (Can we say inappropriate? On LinkdIn? Come on....!!) So hurtful, wish there was a way to block him on there!!

It's true what everyone says on here: NC = No new hurts. And I learned the hard way, stalking and viewing this stuff is breaking NC. The fact that its one-sided and your Ex doesn't know you're doing it is beside the point.

Once you stop completely, you'll feel better. My best friend still stalks his page, lol. I had to ask her not to tell me what she sees, but I do take comfort in knowing that if he posts something I really do need to know, she will tell me.

It's a daily struggle, but worth it. Good luck!

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