NC is the best way to go - I didn't get at first but I do now. NC = No New Hurts, and starts you on that gradual path towards indifference. ((Hugs))
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
But it hurt so horribly to stalk him. If I found something terrible, it made me fel terrible. If I found nothing, I felt terrified that I was missing it. It was a destructive cycle for me.
You are stronger than you think! You already identified the problem and took steps to stop it. I used to give myself a point every time I didn't snoop. Ten points was a manicure! And after a while, I realized that it felt better, and was a relief, not to snoop. And then it became habit. And now I have NO desire anymore.
And when I don't know what he's doing, I'm content. I wish the same for you eventually STAY STRONG! He's simply not worth the heartache.
It seems that many self medicate with excessive dating, directly after D. This creates a distraction from reality, postponing that hard look of oneself. It also involves using other people. Finally, if sleeping with all of these people, it opens him up to exposure to STDs.
The actions of someone else do not determine your worth. Your XH dating/sleeping around is indicative of his character, not yours.
He posted that he is engaged.
I was going to block him and then read a post that he had been in a Jazz club in NYC last week.
Ummm, didn't know that.
It was surprising since I sent him an expense report a month ago and he ignored it. No response.
When I brought it up to him he said he was having money problems.
I said, "maybe it's because you keep going to Jazz clubs in NYC on the weekend."
He said he would pay me.
Sometimes Facebook is useful.
I try not to look. If it becomes obsessive I will block him.
Right now I am waiting to see if he blocks me.
It's true what everyone says on here: NC = No new hurts. And I learned the hard way, stalking and viewing this stuff is breaking NC. The fact that its one-sided and your Ex doesn't know you're doing it is beside the point.
Once you stop completely, you'll feel better. My best friend still stalks his page, lol. I had to ask her not to tell me what she sees, but I do take comfort in knowing that if he posts something I really do need to know, she will tell me.
It's a daily struggle, but worth it. Good luck!
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords