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Reconciliation :
First MC session, can I do this?

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 iwillNOT (original poster member #40605) posted at 12:43 AM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013

So my WH and I had our first session today. We have both been in IC for more than a month.

The closer we got to the appointment time, the more stressed I started to feel . I was a wreck on the hour long drive. The session was mostly information gathering, just laying out the bare bones of history and events, but I found myself so emotional and upset. At one point I noticed the MC glancing at my hands, they were shaking like crazy, I felt like all my insides were shaking too. It felt so scary, so vulnerable to be there.

I am disturbed about what this means, if anything. I mean, we have made it through 9 weeks without me killing WH in his sleep, we have been making good progress on our own and together, we both feel more than ready for MC - why is this so upsetting for me? After we got home I was totally exhausted and just wanted to sleep.

I mean, holy cats, if I am this much of a wreck after one session where we didn't even get into the meat of things, how will I survive a "real" session?

I thought this would be a good thing but now I am discouraged...

[This message edited by iwillNOT at 6:44 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]

Me: BS, 46
Him: WH, 47
Together 24 years
4 amazing kids
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Choosing myself daily and R almost every

posts: 702   ·   registered: Sep. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6526293
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IGaveItMyAll ( member #38622) posted at 1:00 AM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013

Its normal. I was a nervous wreck on my first MC session. My first MC session was a day after I caught my WW in her affair. She claims she was going to tell me at MC. So my first session was horrible. She didn't want to be there and was full blown in her affair. Your 2nd DDay was only 2 months ago. You probably are just having crazy anxiety. Don't be discouraged. You will be fine.

ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

posts: 332   ·   registered: Mar. 4th, 2013
id 6526321
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 iwillNOT (original poster member #40605) posted at 5:23 AM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013

Thank you, IGaveItMyAll, I am trying to see it as maybe just the anxiety of the unknown. Truthfully I also think it might have a lot to do with the thought of really putting myself out there. I don't trust my husband and I am not fully committed to R, I feel like I am still watching him to make my choice on whether or not to try. I guess it is ambivalence and being scared.

Me: BS, 46
Him: WH, 47
Together 24 years
4 amazing kids
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Choosing myself daily and R almost every

posts: 702   ·   registered: Sep. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6526576
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Gr8Lady ( member #36307) posted at 5:45 AM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013

3 Things to remember

You can do this

It is normal to have intense anxiety.

You have the murder fantasy (humor)

BS: Me (70yo)FWH: HIM (72 yo)) serial infidelities over past 35 years
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2013

friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over a
year a year. Now his health is declining,
among the lack of communication.

posts: 762   ·   registered: Jul. 31st, 2012
id 6526584
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 iwillNOT (original poster member #40605) posted at 5:49 AM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013

Lol Gr8Lady, I will remember! A little humor never hurts

Me: BS, 46
Him: WH, 47
Together 24 years
4 amazing kids
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Choosing myself daily and R almost every

posts: 702   ·   registered: Sep. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6526586
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ItsaClimb ( member #37107) posted at 6:37 AM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013

iwillNOT - you are not alone. I am a rather highly-strung person to begin with and I find going to MC quite gruelling. It's weird, initially I was always nervous, but now - depending on what we are talking about - I can be quite calm and relaxed and then 5 minutes later I am shaking, crying, sweating... falling to pieces right there!

I think the anxiety kicks in when the focus is on the things that really hurt me, that make me feel terribly vulnerable.

When I get really upset, I just remind myself, our MC has seen it ALL before. She is trained to deal with this stuff.

Hang in there, it will get better and you are not alone in this. {hugs}

BS 52
Together 35 yrs, M 31 years
2 daughters 30yo(married with 2 children) & 25yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

posts: 1321   ·   registered: Oct. 11th, 2012
id 6526609
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 iwillNOT (original poster member #40605) posted at 8:44 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013

ItsAClimb, thank you. It's good to remember that my MC has seen it all before. No doubt she has seen much worse. And I realize that going to MC and working on my marriage will make me vulnerable, period. Not sure I could survive if there is another round of betrayal after this, if I have opened up and put myself out there in MC.

Me: BS, 46
Him: WH, 47
Together 24 years
4 amazing kids
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Choosing myself daily and R almost every

posts: 702   ·   registered: Sep. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6527311
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ItsaClimb ( member #37107) posted at 9:20 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013

Not sure I could survive if there is another round of betrayal after this, if I have opened up and put myself out there in MC.

I feel the same way. For me to be so vulnerable, so publicly is huge. Huge, huge, huge.

BS 52
Together 35 yrs, M 31 years
2 daughters 30yo(married with 2 children) & 25yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

posts: 1321   ·   registered: Oct. 11th, 2012
id 6527376
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mattg1958 ( new member #37599) posted at 11:14 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013

For me, I usually feel better getting all the crap out in the open. To me, it's important to get emotions out as keeping them inside causes them to fester and grow. That's the same advise I give to those grieving after a death. Like they say in the car commercials, you mileage may vary.

posts: 25   ·   registered: Nov. 25th, 2012   ·   location: Edison, NJ
id 6527552
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