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I can't believe I married to this guy.

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lackofcolor posted 10/16/2013 22:01 PM

WH moved out just about ten days ago. Neither of us has spoken to a lawyer yet (I am calling for a consultation tomorrow) We had a verbal agreement that his days with DD5 would be EOW and Monday/Wednesday, plus he would pick her up and take her to school since I have an hour+ morning commute. We also agreed that on school nights, she would sleep at home (with me) in her own bed.

Last weekend was his first weekend. Here's basically how it went down:

-- Friday, picked DD5 up and took her back to his place to sleep over. No problem.

-- Saturday, took DD5 with him to work. Brought her home. I went out for the evening so he hung out at my place. When I got home, he was packing to leave, and then out of nowhere he had the gall to corner and KISS ME. I asked him what the hell he did that for, and he said to see what my reaction would be. I asked if he got the reaction he wanted. He said no, and then left.

-- Sunday, DD5 woke up at 7:30, so I fed her breakfast and was playing with her when he showed up at 9:30. He got pissed that she wouldn't drop what she was doing and immediately go with him, and so he yelled at her, "Fine, stay with Mommy, I don't care!" She started crying and then said she wanted to stay with me. He came in and apologized, and wound up taking her to a local farm with his new girlfriend/friend who might be a girlfriend/employee/whatever, and posted lots of "happy family" type pictures on Facebook. Brought her home, put her to bed.

-- Monday, picked her up and took her to work with him all day. He found out that he had to work late, and asked me if I could pick her up. I said I had plans but I would cancel and come get her. He pitched a hissy fit over how, no, he would just keep her and could I bring her some pajamas. I said no, I will come get her, it's a school night and it's in her best interest to get some undivided attention, which he took to mean I was saying he wasn't adequately taking care of her. (Which I admit, may have been the underlying sentiment.) Then he snapped back at me that DD5 IS HAPPY AS A CLAM BECAUSE G/F (his employee) IS PLAYING WITH HER. Which is of course, totally the same thing as her getting undivided attention from her father. She also painted my daughter's fingernails, which if it were anyone else wouldn't bother me, but some 24 year old girl who has only known my STBXWH for six weeks playing "mommy" with MY DAUGHTER does not sit right with me.

So I picked her up, brought her home, and we had a lovely evening together. He wound up working until 11:30. I can totally see how that would have worked out well for DD sleeping in his office on a school night. /sarcasm

Today was his night with DD5 again. He came over to spend time with her and put her to bed, and was full of attitude, insinuating that I'm insecure, insinuating that he is doing me a favor by paying the amount we agreed to for child support until a court order is in place, so on and so forth. I tried to let it slide and turn my attention to DD5 but he started yelling, which then made DD5 cry. His yelling made DD5 cry.

IDK what to do. I just told him I will handle the daily school dropoffs and pickups because it's not good for DD5 to see us fighting all the time.

I'm trying SO HARD to be amicable. SO hard. Not for his sake, not for mine, but for DD5 who absolutely adores her father. The issues he and I have are between us and I know it's not her burden to carry. But I cannot do that when HE instigates crap like this right in front of her.

That's it. I just needed to vent and get that off my chest. I know some of this is being petty but it's just so unfair that I gave him a second chance after he cheated once and then HE gets to leave. And then he gets to go live his happy little life. Sigh.

Any ounce of affection I had left for him is DEAD.

SBB posted 10/16/2013 22:34 PM

You are 5 years younger than me but we both have 5 year olds (I also have a 3 year old) and the sad clown at 40 has an OWUmpteen at 24 who is his office gopher.

My advice to you is strict NC. The situation is far too volatile for all of this contact. There is civil the there is taking abuse and allowing your daughter to witness his atrocious behaviour.

All of my handovers are done via daycare school (we have 50/50 on a 2/2/3 schedule so I have them for a weekend then drop off to school/daycare Mon, he picks up Mon PM and has the to Wed AM daycare/school drop off then I pick them up Wed PM to Fri AM DC/school drop off then he picks them up Fri PM and has them to non AM drop off etc.).

He doesn't come into my home nor do I go into his. In person handovers are quick and only done in illness or public holidays.

All of this contact WILL make you crazy. They WILL cake eat as long as we let them.

It stops when you say it stops. Step out of the crazy vortex.

I remember very well the moment I realised the man I thought I narrated was dead and gone. It is hard to believe what our eyes are seeing. I still can't quite believe it sometimes.

ruinedandbroken posted 10/17/2013 21:52 PM

What a man-child, asshole!

You need to establish clear boundaries with this guy. Right now they are blurred and he knows it and is taking advantage of that.

There isn't any reason you have to see him to exchange DD. With my kids, most exchanges are at school but the ones that are at my house, the kids are let out of the car and I let them in the house. There is NO WAY his stupid ass is coming in my house. Also, there are no phone conversations. All communication is via text or an occassional email. Unless he asks me a question or says something that needs a response (Can I drop the kids off early?, etc.) I don't respond. I immediately hit delete.

You can't be amicable with a guy like this. You just can't. And it isn't in your DD's best interest to see him treat you that way.

Believe it or not, you have a lot more control than you probably feel like you do. ((lackofcolor))

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