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Have I turned a corner?

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PhantomLimb posted 10/17/2013 08:34 AM

About two weeks ago something shifted for me and I began to have moments where I wasn't consumed by his A. I was still thinking about it most of the time, but I had flashes where I basically forgot to be actively devastated and found myself, you know, actually living my life.

I also stopped wondering about what he's doing, will he come back, why did he leave me. My primary thought about it all became "Who does he think he is?"

Fast forward to this week, and I haven't cried in almost a week. I've been more upbeat. I'm actually making my appointments on time. Thinking about the future. Letting my friends talk to me about setting me up with their brothers, etc in a year or whenever I'm ready.

In the last few days, when I think about what he's done, I think "how pathetic." The things he said to me, "what an asshole." I used to agonize over the fact that I helped him gain the career he has now and felt like I was being left in the dust. Now I think "good for him wherever he ends up" and don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I used to be so mad that he got to live in a nice part of the country that I miss (I had to move in with family elsewhere for financial reasons). Now I think "If I want to live there again, I will, on my terms."

I even think I could handle thinking about dating again soon. I'm not ready to actively seek it out. But if I met someone, I no longer feel a sense of obligation to him.

And more and more the life I had with him seems fuzzy. I can't access those warm feelings of love and happiness I had with him anymore. At least, not easily. Now I even find myself wondering why I decided to invest my life in him in the first place.

So what is this? A momentary break in the agony I've been in for months? Or a sign that maybe I'm going to get out of this? That I'm actually healing?

I mean, I'm even starting to gain some of the weight I lost the last 6 mos and I'm panicking because I bought all of these cute new clothes!

If I really can get to a place where he no longer matters (which has been my goal all along), I will be so stunned. Given where I was all summer, it's nothing short of amazing.

Has anyone else had spurts like this where you felt like yourself again? Should I expect that I could take some steps back at some point?

[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 8:35 AM, October 17th (Thursday)]

sodamnlost posted 10/17/2013 09:02 AM

Even if it's fleeting and you do take steps back - WAHOOOOO!!! Sounds like epic progress to me

surviving1963 posted 10/17/2013 10:56 AM

PhantomLimb, I feel like your situation/feelings mirror mine. It's as if the clouds are starting to clear a little bit. NOT being 100% consumed about his cheating...detaching from him...realizing I will live life on MY TERMS from now to the possibility of someday meeting someone, but without obligation, and not giving control of my life to anyone again...realizing WH is a selfish jerk and I should not waste my thoughts on him and OW.

I realize now that I/we deserve and have some self-respect. We don't have to lap up the scraps that are thrown our way. We don't have to be a second prize. We deserve to be loved and respected, NOT controlled and manipulated. We can be anything we want and control our own lives.

There was a time that I was so depressed I could barely function. I cried constantly. Taking care of the needs of my kids was all I could do. I was reduced to begging and pleading my WH and OW to stop seeing each other. They refused and told me they would always see each other, but just be "friends". No longer will I allow anyone to use me as their doormat.

I/WE will be happy again. But, I doubt WH will be unless he can make some HUGE changes in his life.


Garnet posted 10/17/2013 13:40 PM

Good for you!! May you continue to rise above it all!!!

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