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I wish I could set emotional goals for myself.

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lucy17 posted 10/17/2013 11:14 AM

I am 9-weeks out. Will I ever be "outside" his affair? It seems like a life-time, this 9 weeks. And yet a year could be considered a "drop in the bucket" for this nightmare. Here's the progress I see-when we argued I walked away, wrote in my journal (raged in my journal), and then I wanted to talk. That's huge. The talk didn't go well, but we talked again with fewer details and more understanding and it was good.
9-weeks and even on good days I am on the verge of being tipped (where is my control!!!). I am so sensitive. I said I didn't want a timeline for my recovery because I have NO IDEA what to expect of my emotions and where I will be in this sucky process even next week. I wish I could set a goal like when I train for marathons-by this day I will run 10 miles kind of thing (specific, controlled). I wish I had that much control, but I don't. I have grieved before (my mom died in front of me when I was 16). I was pretty much led to where I needed to go-denial, anger, depression, bargaining, more depression. I didn't have control then and my mom dying was not a personal attack or betrayal (I never felt anger at her--only me). She didn't choose to die. I guess I just wish I had more control. Will continue to track the positive progress-that's good to see in writing.

catlover50 posted 10/17/2013 11:29 AM


Sorry, but yes this is a "drop in the bucket". You need to accept that you have little control over your emotions at this time. That's not to say that you can't control your reactions, necessarily, but the emotions tend to be all over the place at this point.

Cut yourself some slack and make sure you have plenty of support IRL, if possible. Also, if you are currently running, keep doing that. That helped me early on (although I ran so hard in my "righteous rage" that I developed a stress fracture in my foot--don't do that!).

Good luck to you.

ItsaClimb posted 10/17/2013 15:01 PM

Oh lucy17 I hear you. I am a control freak by nature and the fact that I have no control over this process drives me insane. I am a list-maker, a chart-maker , a spreadsheet fiend. To be in this situation where I can't plot where I will be next week/month/year... well, it's very frustrating to put it mildly!

I really would have thought that 14 months out I would have been in a far better place, but if nothing else, this process is teaching me patience and humility!

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