Last week in our SPOTLESS car, I found one lone Vicodin in the center console. He swears he has no idea how it got there, but I absolutely don't believe that. Then, on Sunday I found 2 random condoms hidden in the pouch on the back of the passenger seat. While we have been using condoms as I'm not on the pill, he says he hid them there after one time we talked about fooling around in the car. I have no idea what to believe now. I left Sunday night and stayed at a friends house. 2 days ago I said we have 2 options...we can divorce or we can try MC again. He keeps saying he didn't cheat and he won't let me leave. Believe him now is so difficult since he lied so much back when he was doing the escort thing. Why am I supposed to believe him now? I'm terrified something more is going to come out in MC.
Sounds like you are struggling to make yourself believe him, but your gut is saying otherwise. Listen to your gut.
Sounds suspicious to me. I'm sorry. I hope I am wrong.
What really bothers me is he says "I won't let you leave me, you're not leaving me". It makes me mad because I feel like he thinks he can do whatever he wants, and I'm not "allowed" to leave him so I have to stick through anything and everything.
Your WH's behaviour doesn't surprise me. From your very first sentence, it sounds like he an an inflated sense of self entitlement and has wrapped his ego in around this. It's no surprise that "he's not allowing you to leave". These types do not do well with rejection or failure and that is what reality is threatening him with. He does not want both worlds colliding.
You were right to stand up for yourself and draw a clear line in the sand. You need to respect yourself and your rights. And I think this scares the shit out of him, so he's blustering and trying to control you. The question is - are you prepared to back up what you say with action?
It's hard to say how MC will roll out. He very well may use it as a venue to further cloud and confuse the issues.
I think while you try to figure this out, a hard 180 is in your favour. Check it out in the Healing Library. It is a mechanism for you to rebuild self esteem and detach from the mind-games. You want to see a marked and verifiable change in his behaviour over the long term. If not you must decide if you are better off to leave. His current behaviour is not conducive to reconciliation based upon honesty and respect. You deserve better. Believe that and believe in yourself.
[This message edited by SerJR at 7:16 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]
MC with a remorseless man who has an inflated sense of entitlement is emotional suicide for the BS.
Instead, 180. Work on yourself, and let him do...whatever.
MC will GUT you.
And speaking of gutting: you know what your gut's telling you? Stop telling it to hush. Respect it. Quietly observe, if you want---but stop telling it to hush.
With time, you will see how things are unfolding, and can make an informed decision.
Either he will step up to the plate, or he will continue being a lying, cheating excuse for a man.
I told him I will do MC to see if things are salvagable. He doesn't like when I use the phrase "to see if...." because it implies that I haven't taken divorce off the table. In truth, I have not taken that out of my mind, but he says he wants MC "to make our marriage stronger". I can't even get to that point yet since I feel like not only while he married me (since he was sexting escorts on our honeymoon) but in the last 3 years he hasn't been 100% truthful with me.